Encouragement for Parents When Life Mutes Us

When my son was about four years old, he had to have what was then considered a risky surgery for his age. We drove two hours to a university hospital where a doctor that specialized in the treatment he required performed the surgery. I still remember the doctor describing how the surgery would take place and all the potential harmful things that could happen. I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room for it to be completed, tears streaming, as I simply prayed, “Please, God.”

I was all out of words. I could only plead for God’s care for my son.

When Life Mutes Us

As Christian parents, we know our children need our prayers. God uses those prayers—not because he needs them—but because in his mysterious providence chooses to use them as a means to carry out his will. 

And so we pray. We pray for our sick child to be made well. We pray for wisdom when we encounter a parenting dilemma. We pray for our child’s protection from evil. We pray for God to open the blind eyes of our child’s heart so that he might see his need for Jesus and come to a saving faith.

Yet we know there are times in our lives as parents when we are so overcome by emotions that it’s hard to put words to what is happening. The challenges and heartaches we encounter with our children can leave us unable to voice what is going on in our hearts. We feel so distraught, so fearful, so brokenhearted that we can hardly utter a word, much less pray to the Lord all that needs to be said. We are left muted.

There are also times when our own sin gets in the way of our prayers. We are stubborn in that way, refusing to see the truth of our idolatrous hearts. In those times, we may look for ways to solve our parenting troubles on our own, rather than seek God and his will. We may trust in false hopes to lead and guide us. Rather than stopping to pray, we may even insist that we had every right to respond the way we did when our teen showed up past curfew and we failed to model the gospel by seeking forgiveness for what we said. 

Whatever keeps us muted, God is ever gracious still.

To read the rest of this post, visit Rooted Ministry where I am writing today.

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The Encouragement We Really Need

While riding my exercise bike one morning, I listened as the online trainer talked about difficulties he had overcome in both physical training and in life. He then said something like, “whatever you are going through, you will get through it, if you just believe in yourself.”

“Just believe in yourself.” It’s a phrase we hear all the time, so much so that it seems true. After all, if I don’t believe I can do something, like say run a marathon, I likely won’t try that hard to train and therefore won’t finish the race. But what about other things we face in life? Does belief in oneself help someone when their spouse betrays them? Does belief in oneself make the cancer go away? Does belief in oneself pay the bills? Does belief in oneself rescue us from our fears? Does belief in oneself save us from sin, restore us into right relationship with God, and bring reconciliation to broken relationships? (Those are rhetorical questions, by the way.)

The Bible cautions against belief in oneself and often calls such belief idolatry. That’s because it is the Lord alone who delivers his people. It is the Lord alone who is our strength and shield, our life and hope. That’s what the writer of Psalm 121 wrote in this Psalm of Ascent. When Israelite pilgrims journeyed to the temple in Jerusalem for sacred celebrations and worship, they sang specific psalms along the way. Our family once visited Israel and as our bus traveled from the Judean countryside, up the steep and winding roads to Jerusalem, we recited these same psalms together, including Psalm 121. It is a psalm which reminds us to keep our gaze set on our only source of hope in times of trouble.

And it’s not ourselves.

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.

The pilgrim’s journey to Jerusalem likely paralleled the daily troubles of life as they faced danger and uncertainty on the dusty roads. There were often thieves lying in wait, looking for travelers from whom they could steal. The desert sun bore down on them. Wild animals were a concern. In their journey, God’s people trusted in their covenant making and keeping Yahweh to keep and preserve them, both in daily life and in their travels to the temple, to the place of God’s presence. In this psalm, we see that their hope and help was found not in created things—and certainly not in themselves—but in the Creator (v.1). He is the omnipotent God who spoke and light appeared. He is the one true King who reigns over the universe and nothing happens apart from his sovereign purpose and will. He is not man that he should need sleep (v.4), therefore he keeps his people always in his care. He is like the shade one seeks when the sun beats down on weary travelers (v.5-6). And more, he keeps his people from all evil (v.7). What a gracious and merciful God!

Six times this passage tells us that God “keeps” his people. The Hebrew word used means to keep, preserve, protect. And it’s not just referring to his people as a whole, but to “you” as an individual. God keeps you in his sovereign care. God protects you from evil. Another thing that stands out is that God alone is our keeper. Nothing in this psalm references things that we do, only what God does for us. He is the one who watches over us. He is the one who keeps and preserve us. He is the one who ensures we endure to eternity. He is the one “who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor. 1:8).

In our culture, it sounds encouraging when someone attempts to motivate us by saying “you’ve got this” and “believe in yourself.” The Bible disagrees. There’s no power in those words. There’s no power inherent in us. Apart from Christ, we can do nothing (John 15:5). But the God of all power, the very Creator himself, has called you to himself and he will keep you. That’s real encouragement. “From this time forth and forevermore.”

Photo by Robert Bye on Unsplash

Three Barriers to Genuine Listening

When my husband and I were first married, we were mentored by an elder and his wife in our church. Each time we met with them, we returned home remarking to one another how heard and encouraged we felt after our conversations. We felt known and understood. We noticed how much of ourselves we shared with them. It impacted us so much, we vowed to try and learn what had made such a difference.

What was it about our friends that stood out to us? It was how they listened.

We all know what it is like to have a conversation with someone and know that while they might hear what we are saying, they are not actually listening. We know what it’s like to walk away from a conversation deflated because we felt unheard. Often, those are the people we tend not to turn to again when we really need a friend.

Barriers to Listening

True listening takes time, effort, and intention. To genuinely listen to someone else, we have to remove barriers to listening. Barriers such as:

We think about our own responses while our friend is talking: How often do we engage in conversation with someone else and instead of listening to what our friend is saying, we spend the whole time thinking of what our response to her will be? We are so anxious to share our own thoughts that we often interrupt our friend who hasn’t finished voicing her own. While we might look at our friend while she is talking, and it may seem like we are listening, as soon as we open our mouth to respond, it’s obvious we didn’t hear a thing she said.

We Make Assumptions: Another barrier to listening is our own assumptions. We all assume things about other people without having the facts to back it up. We assume another person’s motives and intentions. We assume another person’s thoughts and beliefs about a subject. We assume we know what they are going to say about something before they say it. These assumptions influence how we listen. Because of these assumptions, we don’t take the time to listen to what a friend has to say. We are quick to disregard or ignore her responses. We might even assume the worst about another person and treat her accordingly.

We want to be understood without desiring to understand: This is the greatest barrier to genuine listening. When someone monopolizes a discussion and ignores other’s attempts to participate, it becomes clear he or she is not interested in a conversation, but in being the star of the show. This becomes a barrier not only to listening, but to a relationship as well. After all, if we only want other’s to hear our stories and understand us, but have no patience or desire to hear theirs, that’s a one-sided relationship. And it won’t last.

The God Who Listens

James tells us to be slow to speak and quick to listen. Proverbs teaches us to refrain and hold back from too much speech (10:19, 17:27). This is because by nature, we are poor listeners. As sinners, we want conversations to center around us; we want the limelight and attention. Since the day our first parents listened to and believed a lie, we have been born with a sinful self-focus, wanting others to listen to us, without us having to listen to them.

Despite our poor listening skills, we have a God who listens to us. Our covenant-keeping God remembers his promises to his people and listens when they call out to him (Ex. 2:24). He hears our cries for help, “In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears” (Psalm 18:6). He not only hears, he stepped into time and history and did something about it.

God sent his Son to live in this fallen world among a people who are “hearing but never understanding” (Mark 4:12). As Jesus told John’s followers, “the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them” (Matthew 11:4-5).

Jesus Christ lived the life we could not live. He heard and responded to the needs of his people. He listened and obeyed the word of his Father. He then died the death we deserved in our place. Through faith in Christ’s perfect life, sacrificial death, and triumphant resurrection for us, we are given ears to hear and understand. We can once again image and glorify the God who hears. We can once again listen to, love, and obey God. We can once again listen to and love our neighbor.

Love Through Listening

As redeemed saints, we are new creations. The Spirit lives within us, changing and transforming us, enabling us to love our neighbors as ourselves. This means we can do what Paul commanded:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:10).

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Listening to one another is one of the ways we love and encourage our neighbor. To show a friend that we truly care and want to understand, we have to listen with our entire self. We listen, not only with our ears, but with our whole body. If possible, we look her in the eye. We make appropriate facial expressions in response to what she has said. We use our body language to show we are listening, such as leaning forward to show interest and nodding our head to show acknowledgement or understanding. We ask questions for clarification and to learn more about what our friend might be thinking or feeling. We don’t interrupt. We don’t even try to fill moments of silence, knowing that sometimes people need a moment to think before they speak. And we summarize what she said to show that we did indeed listen.

To be heard by someone else is one of the greatest gifts. When we take the time to listen, it shows just how much we care for the other person. Listening encourages and builds. It helps the other person feel less alone. It shows that they are important, valued, and respected.

And in listening, we reflect the God who always listens to us.

The Comforting Church

C. S. Lewis once said friendship is born at the moment when one says to another, “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . . .” We’ve all had that “You too?” moment with another person when we discovered a common interest. We instantly felt encouraged, connected, and less alone.

While friendships based on similar likes and interests are wonderful, there is a deeper level of friendship. When we have friendships in the church, we receive comfort and encouragement we can’t get anywhere else.

The Comforting Gospel

In 2 Corinthians, Paul points the suffering believers to their union with Christ in his sufferings, and he describes God as the “God of all comfort” (2 Cor. 1:3).

Paul had experienced his own suffering while in Asia, even to the point that he “despaired of life itself” (2 Cor. 1:8), but God delivered him and his co-laborers. As he wrote to the Corinthians, then, he was thankful for the God “who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Cor. 1:4)

Having received comfort from God, Paul was positioned to extend comfort to others...to read the rest of this post, visit The Gospel Coalition.

Encouraging Others with Biblical Encouragement

“How are you doing? Really doing? How are you handling your hard week?” she asked. Then she followed those questions up with, “Can I pray for you right now?”

Encouragement--we would recognize it anywhere. It’s like a gentle push forward when we’ve run out of energy. It’s like seeing the familiar shape of home when we’ve been gone far too long. It’s like sitting down to a nourishing meal after a hard day’s work. It’s like seeing the sun after hours of pouring rain.

When someone encourages us, we stand straighter. We feel reinvigorated. We move with purpose and meaning. We are strengthened and ready for what lies ahead.

In our world, encouragement often looks like fans in the stands watching a sports game. They cheer and shout. They might say, “You’ve got this!” “You can do it!” “Go, go, go!” And while such statements are invigorating, they are different than the encouragement we see in the Bible. Biblical encouragement is more than just saying nice things to someone. Its purpose is deeper than boosting someone’s self-esteem by telling them, “You can do it!” And it’s not like an inspiring message from the coach to rally the team before the big game.

The Greek word for encourage is parakaleo. It is used in the New Testament to describe not only giving comfort to someone, but it also involves exhortation, urging, strengthening, and even appealing... 

To read the rest of this post, visit Christward Collective.