Caring for Hurting Women in the Church

I first wrote about the church as a place of hope and healing in 2013. I remember reflecting on how my friendships in the church had met me in a dark season and what it meant to me that they walked with me through it. A few years later, I wrote Closer Than a Sister: How Union with Christ Helps Friendships to Flourish. My hope in writing that book was to encourage deeper, richer friendships among women in the church. Friendships that would reflect the “one-anothering” admonitions we find throughout the New Testament. Friendships that go deeper than shared interests or hobbies, that are honest and vulnerable about the real things of life. Friendships that are rooted in our union with Christ. This has since become my most popular retreat topic and for good reason—retreats are a sweet time of fellowship and are ideal places to develop richer friendships with others. I’ve loved meeting sisters in Christ across the country and encouraging them to grow in their relationships with one another.

The past year or so, I’ve been busy on a new book, an editorial project, about how the church can help hurting women. CDM, the publishing arm of the PCA, reached out to me to see if I would be interested in being the editor of a project called, Alongside Care: A Vision for Churches to Care for Women in Crisis. This book includes the voices of multiple authors, myself included. It explores the Bible’s call for the church to care for the Body—to encourage one another, bear one another’s burdens, exhort one another, speak the truth in love to one another, and more. It also shares how different churches have developed ministries to do just that, specifically ministries meeting the needs of hurting women in the church. It explores creating a team of women equipped and trained to come alongside women in the church who are in crisis, what that looks like and ways to develop such a team.

I’m excited about this project. I’ve enjoyed working with each of the writers. I love that it reflects how churches are diverse in terms of their resources, size, and membership and how it encourages readers to take the content and contextualize it to their particular congregation. It is my prayer that it will encourage churches to consider ways in which they can care for the hurting women in their pews.

To learn more about this project, click here.

When We Speak the Gospel to One Another

“Then those who feared the LORD spoke with one another. The LORD paid attention and heard them, and a book of remembrance was written before him of those who feared the LORD and esteemed his name” (Malachi 3:16).

What happens when Christians speak to one another?

Imagine being that proverbial fly on the wall in the church narthex on Sunday morning. People stand around in small groups, refilling their cups of coffee, and catching up on each other’s news after a week apart. What are the two moms saying to each other as their littles pull on their skirts and tug on their hands? What are the trio of men in the corner laughing about? What is the greeter saying to the new couple by the door? What is the older gentleman saying as he shakes the pastor’s hand?

In the book of Malachi, the prophet speaks to a group of discouraged post-exilic people. They face unexpected hardship and adversity and are tempted to doubt God’s goodness and faithfulness. Their worship is half-hearted. They aren’t living as God’s covenant people. Many have responded in disobedience. They’ve even stopped giving God his tithe. In chapter three, we see God’s people speak against God, complaining against him, saying things like, Why should we bother living a life of obedience? Where has it gotten us? They believed serving God was futile.

That’s when Malachi 3:16 says, “Then those who feared the LORD spoke with one another.”

There were two groups of people listening to the prophet: those who were grumbling in their hearts and those who feared the Lord. Those who grumbled and complained against God did not receive the prophets words; they quickly disregarded what he said. They remained firm and committed to their sin. But there was also a remnant of those who feared the Lord. They heard the prophet and responded in repentance. And then they spoke to one another. They preached the gospel to each other. They encouraged and exhorted each other in the truth. They wanted their friends to return to the Lord. Calvin comments, “it is an evidence of true repentance, when each one endeavors as much as he can to unite to himself as many friends as possible, so that they may with one consent return to the way from which they had departed, yea, that they may return to God whom they had forsaken.”

What does it mean to be a God-fearer? It is to respond to him with awe, wonder, reverence, love, honor, obedience, and trust. It is to see him as greater. It is to love the Lord wholeheartedly, as a child loves and reveres his father. And when convicted of sin, the fearful turn back to their God in repentance and trust.

But even more, the fearful preach the gospel to one another. They know they are not isolated islands unto themselves. They are united to one another by faith in Christ. So they remind each other of what is true and right. They speak of God’s character and his ways. They point to the goodness and grace of God in Jesus Christ. They help each other see how the good news speaks to every area of life, bringing light to the darkness. They remind the weak and weary that the Man of Sorrows understands their sufferings so much, he suffered and died in their place.

And they walk beside each other in the journey of faith.

The prophet tells us that God saw and heard what these God-fearers said to one another. He took note of it. And he did something unusual: he wrote it down in a book of remembrance. The prophet wants the faithful to know that their obedience is not futile or meaningless. There will come a day when God will judge the world and those whose names are written in the book of life will live with him forever (Rev. 21:27).

Calvin notes, “He shows by the issue itself why a book of remembrance was written—that God in due time would again undertake to defend and cherish his Church. Though then for a time many troubles were to be sustained by the godly, yet the Prophet shows that they did not in vain serve God; for facts would at length prove that their obedience has not been overlooked. But the two things which he mentions ought to be noticed; for a book of remembrance is first written before God, and then God executes what is written in the book. When therefore we seem to serve God in vain, let us know that the obedience we render to him will come to an account, and that he is a just Judge, though he may not immediately stretch forth his hand to us.”

May we be God-fearers who encourage one another with the truth. Our faith is not in vain. Christ has conquered sin and death. He will return to judge the earth. And our names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

Who speaks the gospel to you?

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Who Prays For You?

Whenever there is some kind of tragedy, we often hear people say something like, “My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.” I’ve heard newscasters say it in response to a person’s loss of a loved one. I often wonder what they mean when they say that. Do they equate thoughts and prayers as the same thing? Do kind thoughts about someone make an impact in their lives in some way? Or is it just a nice thing to say? Also, do they really mean that they are praying for the hurting person and if so, to whom are they praying?

In recent weeks, I’ve received countless texts, emails, and messages from brothers and sisters in Christ with the same message, “I am praying for you.” In this case, I know why these believers say this to me. I know what they mean when they do. And I know that these words actually do something. Not simply because it is a nice thing to say, which it is. Not simply because I know someone cares about me, though I know they do. But because those words refer to something powerful. When a Christian prays, things happen. God uses the prayers of believers to carry out his will.

I can’t help but think of the story of Peter when Herod put him in prison in Acts 12. “So Peter was kept in prison, but earnest prayer for him was made to God by the church” (v.5). Then we read what happens when the church prayed: an angel came and set him free, breaking his chains and bringing him past sentries guarding the jail. “Now I am sure that the Lord has sent his angel and rescued me from the hand of Herod and from all that the Jewish people were expecting” (v.11). Peter went straight to the house church where everyone was gathered, still praying for his release. James tells us “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (5:16). There are countless examples in Scripture of God’s people praying and the Lord hearing and responding to their prayers.

So, for the Christian, praying for others actually means something. It’s more than words and more than a kind thing to say. It does something. God hears and responds when we pray for one another.

When we pray for one another, we pray to the same Father on behalf of our brother or sister in Christ. It is a very practical way in which we live out our unity with one another. Our Father moves in the life of those for whom we pray. The Apostle Paul knew this and that’s why he asked the Corinthian church to pray for him, “You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many” (2 Cor. 1:11).

The question is, who prays for you? Who do you turn to when you need prayer? Whether you face temptation to sin or a hard trial of life, who will bring your needs before your Father in heaven? My father passed away recently and I immediately reached out to people in my life that I knew would pray for me. And they did. Even more, they called on the phone and prayed aloud with me. They came to my home with meals and prayed for me.

In order to have someone pray for us, we need to be connected to the Body of Christ; we need to be a part of a church community. And in order for people to know we need prayer, they have to know us. We have to be engaged with others in the church, inviting them into our lives, so that they know our sins, sorrows, and needs. We can’t expect people to know us if we slink into the back row right as the sermon starts and exit before the benediction. This means we have to participate in the life of the church—in fellowship, in discipleship and learning, in service to one another. The more we do so, the more we are united to others in the church, and the more we can turn to the church body when we are in need of prayer. And as we pray for one another, we are further deepened in our unity, and glorify God together in thanksgiving for his answered prayer.

The prayers of my brothers and sisters in Christ have carried me through a lot this past year. Do you have people who pray for you?

Photo by Rosie Sun on Unsplash

I Miss Community

Every day when I open the refrigerator, I’m reminded. I see drinks and food I keep stocked for specific people. When I get ingredients from the pantry to cook dinner each night, I am reminded then too. I see my stock of paper plates and plastic cutlery, just waiting to be used. When I walk by my dining room and see the linens folded on the sideboard, cleaned and ready to lay out on the table, I am reminded. I see empty chairs whose seats have not been filled in a year.

These are all small daily reminders of when I used to have people over for a meal—friends, family, small group, parties. I’m reminded of how much has changed over the last year. And how much I miss community.

I miss the spontaneous, “Hey, let’s meet for lunch at that new restaurant down the street.”

I miss potluck meals and the sharing and trying of new recipes with friends.

I miss what the Spanish call “sobremesa" when you sit around at the table talking far long after all the food has been eaten. All of a sudden someone checks the time and you realize you’ve sat in the same spot for hours doing nothing but sharing life with one another.

I miss celebrating special occasions with family and friends where everyone surrounds the person in front of a big cake and we sing “Happy birthday” and laugh as the person blowing out the candles always struggles to blow out that one stubborn flame.

I miss looking at a friend and being able to tell just by the look on her face what she is thinking.

I miss all my church members gathered together, singing and rejoicing together as one Body. While I am thankful that a quarter of us can fit socially distanced in the gym on Sunday mornings, I miss the other three quarters whose faces and voices I’ve not seen in a year.

I miss being with people and not worrying about who might or might not be sick and am I standing too close and wondering is that a frown or a smile under the mask and hating that everything I hear sounds like mumbling but I nod in understanding anyway.

I miss community.

In Psalm 42, the sons of Korah write about being far from the house of God. For some unknown reason, they can’t go to the temple to worship God. They hunger and thirst to be in his presence. They are saddened and grieved by the separation and wonder when they can be with him again. They look back on sweet memories of joining with the throng to gather for worship, singing and rejoicing at their great God. “These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival” (Ps. 42:4).

I feel this longing each Sunday. I also felt it this past weekend— the weekend when our denomination’s yearly women’s ministry leadership conference is held. More than a conference, it is like a homecoming. I love seeing my sisters from all over the world. I love catching up with hugs and stories and fellowship. I love how we pick up right where we left off the last time we met, as though there was only a brief pause to our conversation. I love how we encourage one another on in ministry. I love how we learn from one another. I love how everyone rejoices in the fruit God produces in each other’s ministry. This year’s conference was virtual and oh how we longed to be with one another in person!

We used the technology available to us to connect, encourage, and equip each other in the work of ministry and I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for platforms that allow us to have Bible studies virtually. I’m grateful for church leadership which labors to provide worship that is safe for everyone. I’m grateful for all the ways we’ve learned to navigate our new reality.

But I still miss community.

That’s because we weren’t made for filtered connection. We weren’t made to be satisfied with friendship mediated through a screen. We weren’t made for six feet of separation. We were made to do life together. To sit at the dinner table for hours. To laugh and hug and tell stories. To gather with the throng and rejoice at the goodness of God.

I don’t want to grow used to how things are. I want to continue to long for in person fellowship. I want it to nag at me and remind me of how things are supposed to be. So I’ll leave those drinks my friends like in the fridge and continue to keep my paper plate supply ready and waiting.

And I will continue to miss community.

Pray for the Church

Back in March, I wrote a piece on prayer for a website I edit. At the time, we were covering the theme of church/community and it seemed fitting to encourage our readers to pray for the church.

So much has happened in our world and in our nation since I wrote that piece. As a church, we have had to be physically distant because of the virus. And in many ways, we are also spiritually distant from one another. Just a simple scroll through social media reveals such division. It seems that now, more than ever, we need to pray for the Body of Christ. We need to pray for unity. We need to pray for the growth and health of the church. We need to pray for her purity and peace. Oh, that Paul’s prayer to the church in Colossae would be true of us: that we would “be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God” (1:9-10).

To that end, here is a prayer for the church. (This is revised version of a prayer that originally appeared at enCourage.)

A Prayer for the Church

Father in heaven,

I come before you today with a heavy burden on my heart. When I scroll through tweets and posts on social media, it grows heavier. I hear whispers and complaints among the saints and I am grieved. I see brothers and sisters divided, sometimes even lashing out at one another in sarcasm, anger, and bitterness. At times, I feel my own growing discontent and dissatisfaction with the church. Then there are those times when I come across articles proclaiming false gospels, seeking to lead your people astray, and I am sickened.

I can relate to Paul’s anxieties for the church for I too worry for your Bride. So I come before today, asking for your grace to be at work in your church. You are rich in grace and have showered it upon us in Christ. You are a good Father, providing for your children all that we need. You are sovereign ruler over all things. You see our wayward hearts. You know of our conflicts. You are not surprised by leaders who fall into temptation and sin. You have warned us and called us to repentance (Rev. 2:5,16).

Forgive me for not loving your Bride as you have loved her in Christ. Forgive me for failing to see the church as beautifully diverse as you describe her in Revelation 7. Forgive me for all the ways I try to do life on my own apart from the Body. Forgive me for keeping my gifts to myself and not using them to build up your church. Forgive me for not praying for its purity and peace. Forgive me for my own discontentment and dissatisfaction, for the ways I think the church should serve me, rather than I serve her. Forgive me for participating in gossip and furthering disunity.

Hear my prayer today as I bring the church before you. I pray for local church leaders, that they would watch over the flock you’ve entrusted into their care. I pray for wisdom as they navigate ministry in the midst of a pandemic. I pray you would also give them wisdom to spot false doctrine and point your sheep to the true gospel. I pray they would be committed to you, your word, and your mission. I pray they would be bold, godly, and blameless. Use them to equip the saints to do the work of ministry.

I pray for the church’s witness to the world around us. I pray we would be faithful and stand for what is right and true. May we not bow down to the culture of this age nor be influenced by its doctrine. Help us to shine a light in this dark world, drawing people to the truth of who you are and what you have done. Equip us and strengthen us to share the gospel wherever it needs to be heard. May we not cease our efforts until all the world hears.

I pray for our unity, both in the local church and in the church universal, that we would be united by the gospel. May we be known by our love for one another. As Paul prayed, may our love “abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment” (Phlippians 1:9). May we show one another honor, put each other first, and serve one another’s needs. I pray there would not be a needy person among us because we always share what we have with each other. May we show forbearance toward one another and forgive each other just as Christ has forgiven us. Oh, that the world would look at the church and see Christ in her!

Father, preserve and keep us until the day of Christ’s return. Like a bride waiting for her bridegroom, sanctify and purify us so that we would be beautiful and radiant, ready for that glorious day.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

On Spiritual Grief and the Body of Christ

Each Sunday since this crisis began, I’ve found my eyes tear up during virtual worship with my church.

Easter Sunday, I cried the whole way through the service.

I cried because I wanted to hear all the voices of my brothers and sisters in Christ singing together praise to our glorious Christ who conquered the grave. I cried because I wanted to hear our voices together proclaim the truths in the Belgic Confession. I cried because I wanted to hear the word preached in person. I cried because I miss feasting together at the Lord’s table. I cried because I miss the gathered Body of Christ.

As I’ve thought about these emotions, I’ve come to realize I am experiencing a kind of spiritual grief. Though I have remained virtually connected to my church body, we are still physically apart. Though I am grateful for the technology that enables us to continue in our Bible studies, small groups, and Sunday worship, it is not the same. I can relate to Paul’s words in Romans 1:

“For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I mention you always in my prayers, asking that somehow by God’s will I may now at last succeed in coming to you. For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you— that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine” (vv. 10-12).

Though Paul communicated via letter and through fellow ministers with the churches he planted throughout the Mediterranean, he still longed to see these church members in person. I too feel that longing for in-person community.

That longing is there for a reason: We were created for community. We were not made to live isolated and independent from others. We were not made to do life on our own. We were made to image our God who is a community within the Triune Godhead. We were made to love, serve, and honor one another and in so doing, reflect our glorious God.

When Christ died and created the church, the gathered body of believers, he united us to one another through his blood shed for our sins. Paul compares this union we have with Christ and each other like that of a human body. Christ is our head and we make up the parts of the body. We are so connected to one another that like the human body, when one part suffers, every part suffers. I think that’s why this separation is so difficult. So painful at times. And why my heart grieves to be apart.

I don’t know how long this situation will last, but one thing I do know, I don’t want this longing and grief to go away. I don’t want to grow comfortable with this new way of virtual church life. I don’t want to think that I can do life on my own apart from the Body. In truth, I want this unsettled feeling to remain.

And so, I will continue to grieve until the day I can reunite with my church family, until the Body is once again together and whole. And I will continue to long for it as the Apostle Paul did: “For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:8). 

Lord Jesus, keep your church strong and healthy during this challenging time. Strengthen our bonds while we are apart. Keep us united as one in Christ. Use us to show the love of Christ to those around us. And endure us until we can come together again. Amen.