A Life Update

It’s been a minute.

I haven’t blogged in a while and thought it was time for an update. Life has been a whirlwind of change in our house and it’s taken some time for me to adjust to the new normal. A year ago, I changed jobs and started working full time for my alma mater. My work this past year has involved a decent amount of travel all over the country which has been fun, but also an adjustment for my family. About the same time, we sold our house, moved into a rental, and before long, started building a house in Tennessee where we will move later this year. They say moving and starting a new job are two of the most stressful things in life. No kidding!

Meanwhile, our youngest is about to graduate from high school and I’m processing what it means to launch him out into the world. It’s one of those happy-sad moments of life. This school year so far has been filled with all the “lasts.” Last birthday at home. Last football game. Last homecoming dance. I’ve seen the empty nest season of life on the horizon for a while now but all of a sudden, it’s nearly here. I admit I have some trepidation and uncertainty about it and remain prayerful for the Lord’s comfort and wisdom as I walk through it.

Despite my work schedule, I’ve managed to continue speaking at women’s ministry retreats. Last year I spoke in California, Virginia, New Jersey and lots of places in between. Next year will be ten years since my first book released on the Psalms of Lament and I’m so grateful that I continue to teach on the topic at retreats and other speaking engagements. I also continue to speak about the fear of the Lord, union with Christ and one another (biblical friendship), and parenting.

The past year I’ve participated in a few different group writing projects, including a devotional for teens and two study Bibles. I look forward to sharing about them when they are released later this year/early next year. I also continue to edit and manage the PCA’s women’s ministry blog, enCourage. I love connecting with writers and mentoring them through the writing process. This month, I’m hosting an event for writers at the PCA’s annual women’s ministry conference. It’s an event I’ve hosted each year for almost a decade!

It’s not lost on me that many of the things I’ve written about over the years (and speak about!) are things that I am working through right now and will so for a while. Change. Transition. Uncertainty. Loss. Community. As I let go of one season of life and step into another—in another state!—I know the Lord is with me and trust Him to provide all that I need for all that He calls me to. “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence” (2 Peter 1:3).

That’s my life update. What is God doing in your life these days?

Photo by Maksim Shutov on Unsplash

The Transitions that Shape Us

Transitions in life can be hard, whether you expect them or not.

I remember when my boys were little and they struggled with transitioning from one activity to the next. I would prepare them for it by saying things like, “In fifteen minutes, we’ll have to clean up the toys because then it’s time to: have lunch, go to an appointment, take a nap, etc.” I’d then give them the five-minute warning. Then I’d tell them it’s time to put the toys away and there’d be all sorts of complaining.

The worst was when I had to prepare them to leave a friend’s house because it was time to return home!

Life is filled with transitions, both big and small. Some we look forward to, others we don’t. Some we expect and prepare for, and others seem to catch us by surprise. No matter the transition, and whether we see its arrival on the horizon or not, any change in life often comes with some kind of struggle or challenge.

When I finished college and started applying for my first job, I remember just wanting to find something in my field. After all, that’s why I went to college, right? I nearly accepted a job as a bank teller because I couldn’t find anything else when a position opened at a domestic violence shelter. I was thrilled! It was a counseling position working with women in abusive relationships. I couldn’t wait to use all my freshly honed skills and knowledge. I remember the feeling of excitement that finally I would be doing what I was called to do: help women and make a difference in their lives. Yet the transition from college to my first job in the field didn’t come without its challenges. That’s because my efforts were not received quite as I expected. I was twenty-one and newly married. The women in the shelter must have thought I was a kid and responded to me as such. They didn’t take me seriously. They questioned my skills and my ability to help them. It was a transition that stretched me in many ways. I was humbled and what I learned most from that experience was that I didn’t really know much at all.

Another big transition in life came when we went from being a family of two to a family of three. Having our first son was something my husband and I were thrilled about and looked forward to. But the transition was challenging and sometimes downright hard. I had a new person I was responsible for. There was so much to learn and I knew so little. I often felt helpless and inadequate. The changes to my life were rapid fire: My priorities changed. My expectations for daily life changed. The relationship dynamics between my husband and I changed. While it was a joy-filled time of life, it also stretched me in ways that continue on to this day.

Now I face a new life transition. It’s a transition that has been creeping up on me for some time now. It’s a transition I know is coming and I’ve tried to prepare for it but I also know that when it comes it will hit me hard. My oldest leaves for college soon and my youngest will follow not long after. That transition will be not unlike the days of being a brand new mom. Life will feel like it’s been flipped upside down. My day to day life will change in drastic ways. I will have to relearn how to do life without kids in the house. And I’ll have to learn how to parent adult children.

I already feel a bit like my kids used to when I’d tell them it was time to move on from something they enjoyed doing to another task. I want to cling to the present and ignore the future knocking at my door. I want things to stay the same. I don’t want to have to struggle through another life transition. But at the same time, I know this transition is good for both myself and for my sons. But as I look back on all the other transitions in life I’ve experienced—both the ones I looked forward to and the ones I resisted—I know there are important lessons for me to learn. I know there is good work that takes place in those challenges—work that God is doing in and through me. For it is in the stretching—in the push and pull on my heart—that I am shaped into the image of Christ.

Life is filled with change and transitions from one season to another. I know that many more are in my future. I want my heart to see these transitions as opportunities to grow in Christ-likeness. I want to see God in them. I want to depend upon him as I walk through them. Even more, I want to rejoice in the struggle, knowing that “suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Rom. 5:3-5).

How about you? What life transitions have shaped you? And how have you seen God’s hand at work in them?

Photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash

Trust in the Face of Change

One thing I’ve learned about life is that once you get used to a particular season or role, life changes. I’ve found this to be true in parenting, marriage, work, and ministry. I remember well how hard it was when my boys dropped their afternoon naps. That was a change I didn’t like at all!

I used to resist change. Or at least try to manage it so that I could know what to expect and prepare for it. I guess it’s because there’s a certain degree of comfort when you think you know what lies ahead. When you feel equipped to face the day because it’s the same as the one before it. When you’ve finally reached a level of confidence in how to do a certain job or task. Yet change inevitably cuts into our life with a harsh reminder that we don’t have control over our lives. For we all too quickly forget that we are dependent upon God and need his rescuing grace.

I’m in the middle season of life, a season filled with constant change. Certainly, there are many physical changes (that’s a whole other blog post!). There are changes in motherhood as I increasingly let go of my duties and watch my children learn to fly on their own. There are changes in marriage as my husband and I find more time and opportunity to focus on our relationship in ways we haven’t for far too long. Some changes are good and bring great joy; others are hard and bring only grief and sorrow.

This year is my oldest son’s senior year. It’s a year of lasts: the last cross country race, last birthday at home, last school events, last holidays. It’s also our last year to pour into his heart all the things we want him to know before he’s unleashed into the world to make his own way. It’s an emotional year for me, a year filled with both grief and joy. Grief at the finality of this season of parenting, the ending of all these years of homeschooling, the ending of all the daily interactions and family life I’ve grown so used to these last seventeen plus years. But there’s joy too as I celebrate with him the fruition of all he’s worked so hard for. It’s a joy to engage with him as a young adult and talk together about his future. I’ve enjoyed watching him think through decisions and develop goals for his life.

Meanwhile, this past fall my father was diagnosed with dementia. Like most diagnoses, this one took us by surprise and flipped my parents’ life upside down. Dementia is a disease that is often referred to as the “Long Goodbye.” I now know why that is. The diagnosis has brought with it grief and sorrow, worry and fear. I’ve found myself in a new role, helping my family navigate it and serving them in whatever way I can. As anyone in this middle stage of life can attest, it’s challenging to care for the needs of your family at home, while also wanting to help your parents who live far away.

In the midst of these changes in my life, I continue to work in discipleship ministry for women—writing, speaking, discipling, and coordinating women’s ministry. I’ve also been developing a lay- counseling/discipleship/one-another-care ministry for women at my church and am excited to see the many months of labor finally come together. While I’m excited to serve the Lord in this way, I feel a profound sense of my weakness. I worry about getting it wrong. I fear letting people down. I feel uncertainty and a weight of responsibility. This change too is another one where I feel my desperate need for God’s grace to equip and sustain me.

While much changes in our lives, from season to season, in our roles and in our labors, one thing remains the same: God never changes. He is the constant in all the unknown. He is the steady horizon when the storms of life swell over us. When everything is chaos, when we are filled with fear or sorrow, our God is with us. When we fill ill equipped to a new task or overwhelmed by uncertainty and lack of knowledge, we can turn to Christ, in whom are found all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (Col. 2:3). We can take comfort in our Lord’s providential care for us and his sovereign rule over all things. While we don’t know what the future holds, we can trust that God not only knows what will take place, he has already determined all that will happen. Though we are weak, we can rest in his strength. As we face the changes and transitions of life, we can be confident that the Lord is at work. He will be our refuge.

I often find comfort in the words of the psalmist, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling” (Ps. 46:1-3). Some events in life feel like our whole world is shifting. It feels like it’s the end of life as we know it. The psalmist reminds me that even if the earth were to give way, even if the mountains were to fall into the sea, God remains our refuge and strength. He is our help and hope.

Dear friends, if you find that your own life is in the midst of transition and change, trust God to meet you where you are with his rescuing love and grace. He is our certain hope in all the uncertainty of life.

For Those Who Struggle With Change

My life seems to be changing at a faster pace than usual. If it were possible, it seems as though someone pushed fast forward on the movie of my life.

And I find myself unsettled by it. Out of breath at times. Spun around and disoriented.

I took my oldest to the pediatrician for his annual visit and learned that he is 5 foot 11. How did that happen? Last I checked, he was still 5 and playing with Matchbox cars.

I look in the mirror each morning and swear new lines and spots have appeared overnight. Not only that, but ever since I hit forty, my body has become a traitor. Every year there’s some new physical issue to deal with, some new thing that needs medical attention.

Good things are happening in my speaking/writing ministry, but sometimes the pace is faster than I can keep up with.

The world and culture around me often seems like a snow ball rolling down hill, growing bigger and stronger and unstoppable. I often feel out of place and out of touch. I wonder, how did we get here?

I don’t know about you, but I’m not such a big fan of change, as least change I don’t have control over. I certainly like new experiences, as long as they are ones I’ve pursued and chosen, and that they arrive at a time that best suits me. In truth, I like to know what to expect. I like to be prepared. I like when things are manageable. I don’t like to be overwhelmed or uncertain or ill-prepared.

And so, with my life in fast forward mode, I’m clinging to what is certain and steady. To what never changes. I’m looking to the horizon to keep me afloat in the whirlwind. I’m looking to God, the One who never changes.

Our God Never Changes

Unlike our lives, the Bible tells us that God never changes. “For I the LORD do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed” (Malachi 3:6). The same God who spoke and light broke into the darkness is the same God who rescued his people from slavery. The same God who chose Mary to bear our Savior is the same God who met Peter on the shores of Galilee and said, “Feed my sheep.” The same God who gave grace to David in his sin is the same God who forgives us when we cry out in repentance. Yesterday, today, and forever, he remains the same.

The God who greeted Moses in Exodus 34 with, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin” does not change in his character. No matter how much time passes, no matter what is going on in the world, our God— who he is—does not change. That means we can trust him to always be steadfast in faithfulness, generous in love, and rich in mercy. He is always good and always does what it right and just.

God’s Word Never Changes

Because God never changes, what he says does not change. Everything in his word remains true for all eternity. All that Scripture tells us about our world, our fall into sin, and what God did to save us, will never change. What the Bible tells us about who we are, what we need, and how God provides it, will never change. Whether people agree with God’s word or not, has no impact, for it is firmly fixed forever, “Forever, O LORD, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens” (Psalm 119:89). Into all eternity, God’s word remains: “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away” (Matthew 24:35).

This means that all God’s promises for us will never change as well. When everything is changing around us, and it feels like we are riding in some kind of crazy spinning tilt-a-whirl, God’s promises to us in his word steadies us in the tumult. Promises such as: “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39) and “I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6) and “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Change is part of life. Some change is good— the kind we look forward to and have long prayed for. Sometimes change comes into our life and knocks us over. There may even be seasons of life where changes come at us quicker than we can respond. But no matter the change, we can find rest and peace in our God who never changes. He remains trustworthy and faithful. His word and promises anchor us. Let us look to him.

Photo by Jerry Kiesewetter on Unsplash

When We Fear Change

When you first have children, you quickly learn the importance of establishing a routine and some structure in their lives. Meal times and nap times are sacred. It’s always three stories before bed and Mr. Bear must lie next to the pillow, or life just isn’t right. Children thrive in a routine. And when things change, when anything changes, they are quick to let you know that they don’t like it.

The same is often true for us, as adults. We don’t like change either. We like things to be familiar and predictable. We like to know what to expect when we wake up each morning. But life is constantly changing.

Our kids seem to grow inches in a day. New gray hairs emerge every time we look in the mirror. The clothes we wore a year ago just don’t fit the way they used to. We lose jobs, relationships end, and churches transition or split. All while our society changes its values and mores as often as a preschooler changes into dress up clothes.

When such changes enter our life, it’s overwhelming, confusing, even terrifying. We can go to bed at night to one reality and wake up to a completely different life. Change can make us feel lost and abandoned, like we’ve been tossed overboard in the midst of a storm. We’re left reeling, trying to grab a hold of anything we can find that’s strong and stable. We’re tempted to run from change, as though we could ever escape it...to read the rest of this post, visit Desiring God.