When Grief Makes You Weary

When the calendar flipped to the new year, I didn’t feel that usual burst of inspiration to do all the “new year” things. You know, like organizing my pantry or making resolutions of improvements I want to make in my life or creating a wish list of books to read in 2023. I didn’t get out my calendar and make plans for the future. In fact, just the thought of setting a goal or making a resolution made me weary.

I know not everyone is into making goals at the start of the new year. And I know not everyone likes to organize their life or plan ahead, but I do. So when I wasn’t motivated to do so, I had to pause and consider why that might be.

Then I remembered. Grief.

The past year for me—actually, the past few years, if I’m honest—was filled with losses, both big and small. Some loss was hard to define, like when I closed the chapter on many years as a homeschooling parent. Other losses felt confusing, like when my son left home for college and I felt a mixture of sadness for me and happiness for him. And then there was the most recent loss of my father back in November, a loss which really began the year before when we first learned he had Alzheimer’s and then had to spend a year watching him fade away.

The truth is, grief, in all its forms, is tiring. It makes even simple, everyday responsibilities challenging. It’s like slogging through squishy mud where your shoes get sucked in with each step. Activities that you usually complete without a thought all of a sudden require significant work. You are physically and emotionally drained. Spent by the smallest efforts.

It was helpful for me to realize this and to acknowledge that I am not super-human. After a series of losses, I can’t expect to just carry on as usual. I need to take time to rest. I need to acknowledge what I have lost and work through them.

One recent morning, I read in Psalm 119: “I am weary from grief, strengthen me through your word” (Psalm 119:28, CSB). The psalmist is a long time companion for me and he often reminds me of what is true. The psalm doesn’t describe the situation which brought the psalmist grief. Was it grief over the loss of a loved one? Grief over personal sin? Over something happening in the nation as a whole? Grief over the hard circumstances of his life? Whatever the reason, the psalmist resonates with my own heart: grief is tiring. But he then reminds me that strength is available; it’s found in the word of God.

Throughout the Bible, God speaks to those who are weary and promises them rest. He doesn’t tell them to get their act together or just “get over” their circumstances. He doesn’t call them to self-rescue. Instead, he invites them to find rest in himself. He promises life and strength through communion with him. He feeds and sustains his people by his word. Even more, the word of God breathes life into the dead spaces of our lives. This is good news for those who are weary from grief.

I can’t help but think of Ezekiel and the Valley of Dry Bones. God brought Ezekiel to a valley scattered with bones. Ezekiel describes the bones as “very many” and “very dry.” There is no life to be found in them. I can only imagine what such a valley looked like. God asks him, “Son of man, can these bones live?” (Ez. 37:3). God then gives him words to speak, to prophecy over the bones and at his words, an amazing thing happens. The bones return to life! Ezekiel watches as the bones come together with great rattling. Then sinew. flesh, and skin come upon them. God then tells him to, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, Thus says the Lord God: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live” (Ez. 37:9). Just like at creation when God spoke and life began, Ezekiel speaks the words of the Lord and life is resurrected; the bones return to life. From barrenness comes new birth; from emptiness comes fullness; from sadness comes great joy.

This story in Ezekiel points to the way the Spirit breathes life into our dead souls so that we can respond in faith to the call of the gospel. And it’s a reminder of the power of God’s word in all the lifeless spaces of our lives. It’s good news for the weary and faint of heart. It’s good news for those who grieve.

May the psalmist’s prayer be our prayer as well: “I am weary from grief, strengthen me through your word.” Like the psalmist, we can engage with God in our grief and cry out to him in our weariness. We can ask him to renew our strength. We can pray for resurrection in our own valleys of dry bones. And as we encounter him through the Scripture, we can expect great things. For the One who spoke and said “Let there be light” will bring light to rise upon the darkness of our days. He will bring new life. He will strengthen the weary heart.

Photo by Marcus Ganahl on Unsplash

Strengthen What is Weak

For the past few weeks I’ve been in physical therapy. I did something to my shoulder—at my age it might have just been doing something as simple as brushing my hair— and the pain was excruciating. The therapist describes it as a shoulder impingement. Basically, my tendon is pinched every time I move my arm. As a result, my range of motion is limited and I can’t hardly reach behind me without pain radiating down my arm.

The physical therapist told me that the main treatment is strengthening the muscles all around the affected area. To that end, I have exercises I’m assigned each day. I’ve since realized how connected everything is in my body. The time I spend hunched over my computer each day affects my back, which in turns affects my shoulder and arm. Areas of weakness in one location trigger other areas of my body.

And as I’ve labored to strengthen what is weak in my arm, shoulder, and back, I can’t help but think of the parallels to my spiritual life.

When I struggle with sin or find myself slogging through a difficult trial or even find myself in an extended dry season of faith, I wonder, are there areas of weakness that are in some way contributing to it? Or keeping me mired down in the weeds? Or making it more difficult to remember what is true? And if so, what areas in my spiritual life need strengthening? And in strengthening those areas, how might that impact my bigger struggles?

Such weaknesses could be anything. From idols of my heart to plain weariness from living life in a fallen world, there are many areas of my faith that need strengthening. Whether it’s identifying temptations and finding ways to avoid them or developing spiritual habits that feed my soul, when any area of weakness is strengthened, it can only impact my heart for good.

For example, one chronic area of weakness for me is my forgetfulness. I forget the goodness and faithfulness of God. I forget what he has done in the past to deliver me. I forget who I am because of Christ. I forget that he’s given me his Spirit who is at work in me even when I don’t realize it. When I forget these things, it impacts how I face a challenge or trial. When I forget God’s character and then face a difficult struggle, I am likely to think that he has left me, is punishing me, or has forgotten me altogether. When I forget the gospel and who I am because of what Christ has done, I am quick to seek false saviors or rely upon myself. I am also slow to repent and turn from sin. So just like in my physical body, one area of weakness has a ripple effect on the rest.

In truth, I forget all these things when I’m not immersed in the Word where it reminds me who God is and what he has done. I also forget when I’m not responding to what I’ve read through prayer—seeking forgiveness for sin, praising and thanking God for his grace, lamenting my fears and sorrows, and asking for his help and deliverance in my life.

The Word and prayer. Two means of grace whereby we receive the benefits of our salvation. And two key ways God works in us to transform us by the Spirit. Like the exercises I do in physical therapy to strengthen the areas around my injury, these means of grace are used by the Spirit to hot only strengthen our faith but to sanctify us. These means equip us to face what is hard. They help us to identify sin and turn from it. They feed and fuel and sustain us. They change and transform us. Utilizing these means helps us in the face of both temptation and trial. As the psalmist wrote, “With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you…I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word” (Ps. 119:10-11, 15-16). And as our Savior said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

To be honest, the work of physical therapy hurts. Even more than it did when I first injured it! Sometimes I think it would be easier to just not use my arm anymore. After all, I don’t always need two working arms. I could get away with only using one to reach things. Or ask other people to get things for me. But as my therapist tells me, the pain is part of the process. It’s necessary to bring about healing. I need to do the hard work in order to see my arm’s abilities restored.

How true this is in our spiritual lives! The work that the Spirit does to sanctify us is painful. It’s not easy to read and study the Word and allow its probing light to shine upon our sin. It’s not easy to take an honest look at our heart and see areas where we need God’s grace to cleanse and make us new. It’s also stretching and challenging to develop new habits and rhythms to be in the Word and prayer. But whatever stretches us can only make us stronger.

Anyone who has gone through physical therapy or set an athletic goal and achieved it, knows that their labor is not in vain. On the other side of physical therapy or the athletic pursuit, the person is stronger and healthier. How much more so when we utilize the means of grace in our spiritual lives! For as Paul wrote, “for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come” (1 Tim. 4:8). So utilizing the means God has provided to minister to and strengthen our hearts, through the power of the Spirit, has value not only now, but also into eternity.

Despite the pain, I’m sticking it out with physical therapy and am thankful for the progress I’ve made. Even more, I’m thankful for the grace of God who gave me his Spirit who works in me to change me from the inside out.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

What God Says, He Does

Have you ever heard the phrase, “do as I say, not as I do?” It’s a subtle jab at our hypocrisy as humans, at our inability to be consistent. We fail to practice what we preach. We teach our children to be kind to their siblings, and then berate the cashier for being so slow at the check out lane. We tell our friends we will pray for them and then never do. We talk about serving the poor yet fail to serve our own family.

It’s a common problem for us all: we say one thing and yet do another.

How wondrous the contrast between fallen humanity and our holy and faithful God! Psalm 33:9 tells us, “For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.” For God, to say something is to do something. They are one and the same. When he speaks, it happens. The Hebrew word for “and it came to be” (hayah) literally means “to be.” In the Hebrew, this verse reads “he spoke and it was.” It is the same word used in Genesis 1 where God spoke and the world appeared. “Let there be light.” God spoke and stars hurled across the sky. He spoke and waters teemed with fish. He spoke and life appeared.

This is true of everything God says. Whatever God says in his word is certain. Whatever he wills, always comes to pass, “…so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it” (Is. 55:11). Whatever God promises is guaranteed. In fact, we can consider it already done.

How many times have you made a promise to someone and failed to keep it? I make commitments all the time and then have to cancel them because I got sick, my car broke down, or something prevented me from keeping the commitment. Sometimes, I tell my children I will do something for them and then simply forget my promise. Other times, I make a promise and then simply decide I just don’t want to do it. I’m too tired. I don’t have the resources I need to follow through. I changed my mind. (I can’t be the only one…)

But God! Every promise God makes comes to pass. He would cease to be God if he failed to keep his word. God keeping his word is inherent to his very nature, to who he is as God. Because he is God, he cannot fail to do all that he says. Because he is God, speaking and doing are one and the same. As the Puritan David Clarkson wrote:

“He would cease to be God if he failed to perform any promise. For he ceases to be God when he ceases to be most perfect. If he does not perform his promises, this divests him of all perfection. If he does not perform his promises it is either that he will not, or cannot. He would lack either in power, or in wisdom. If he never intended to perform, then how is he upright? If he intended, but now has changed his mind, how is he unchangeable? If he is not unchangeable, he is not eternal. As sure as he is God he will perform his promises…He engages himself when he engages his word. Men can be men, though unfaithful, but God cannot be God; he cannot deny himself.”[1]

This means we not only cling to the promises in Scripture, but we can know without a doubt they are certain. We don’t read them as wishes or hopes. We don’t read them as merely inspiring words that lift us up in the moment. God’s word is the same as his actions. Just as he spoke and the world came into being, so too will all his promises come to be.

Consider the significance of promises such as:

• “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).

• “…he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6).

• “He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor. 1:8 NIV).

• “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 Jn. 1:9).

• “And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true” (Rev. 21:5).

What encouragement for we who fail to keep our word! What remarkable truth for we who live by the motto, “do as I say, not as I do!” Dear friend, as you read God’s word, as you read the statements God makes about you, as you read his promises for you in Christ, as you read his declarations about who he is and what he has done, know that whatever God wills always comes to pass. What he says is the same as what he does. Rejoice and give thanks to your promise making and promise keeping God!

[1] Voices from the Past: Puritan Devotional Readings, p. 194.

Meditating on God's Word

“I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways” (Psalm 119:15).

Not too long out of college, I was working as a family counselor for a local non-for profit. During a staff meeting one week, my boss announced that one of the team members would lead us in a time of guided meditation. Though I had heard about the practice, I didn’t know what to expect. My co-worker began by instructing us to empty our minds. She continued on through various exercises to bring us to a place of relaxation so that we could encounter a place of peace in our minds. I soon found myself feeling uncomfortable with the exercise and instead spent the time in silent prayer. After the exercise was over, a few people shared their experiences—one shared how she had relived her birth into this world.

I share this story because sometimes when we come across a reference in Scripture about meditating on God’s word, as in the passage above, we might be confused, especially if we use the word “meditate” as other religions or philosophies might use it. The key difference is that biblical meditation isn’t about emptying the mind, but about focusing it on God and his word. It isn’t about seeking a higher form of consciousness in order to reach our inner divinity; rather, it is about communion with God through prayer and his word. It isn’t about seeking access to divine resources found within a person, but about accessing and feasting on the divine word of God—which is our very life (Deut. 32:47).

J.I. Packer once wrote in Knowing God, “Meditation is the activity of calling to mind, and thinking over, and dwelling on, and applying to oneself, the various things that one knows about the works and ways and purposes and promises of God. It is an activity of holy thought, consciously performed in the presence of God, under the eye of God, by the help of God, as a means of communication with God. Its purpose is to clear one’s mental and spiritual vision of God, and to let His truth make its full and proper impact on one’s mind and heart. It is a matter of talking to oneself about God and oneself; it is, indeed, often a matter of arguing with oneself, reasoning oneself out of moods of doubt and unbelief into a clear apprehension of God’s power and grace.” (p.23).

Psalm 119 is known as a psalm entirely devoted to God’s word. In every verse, the psalmist refers to God’s word in some way. In several passages, he talks about meditating on God’s word, as listed below. The psalmist uses the Hebrew word siach which is translated as our English word, meditate. It means to muse, complain, talk (of).

“I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways” (Psalm 119:15).

“Even though princes sit plotting against me, your servant will meditate on your statutes” (Psalm 119:23).

“Make me understand the way of your precepts, and I will meditate on your wondrous works” (Psalm 119:27).

“I will lift up my hands toward your commandments, which I love, and I will meditate on your statutes” (Psalm 119:48).

“Let the insolent be put to shame, because they have wronged me with falsehood; as for me, I will meditate on your precepts” (Psalm 119:78).

“My eyes are awake before the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promise” (Psalm 119:148).

One could say that Psalm 119 is one long meditation on the word of God. In these verses above, we see the psalmist dwelling on God’s word. We see that it involves communication with God, for the psalmist asks God to teach him about his precepts. He is worshipful as he does so, lifting up his hands toward the heavens. Such meditation is not a passive event, for the psalmist is fixing his eyes on God and his ways. Even when he faces obstacles or challenges from his enemies, the psalmist turns to what he knows is true about God. If you were to do a word study on this Hebrew word for meditate, you’d find other passages where the writer even complains and moans to himself about God.

There’s another word used for meditate in the Bible, hagah. It means to moan, growl, utter, speak, muse. We find it in passages like, “his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night” (Ps. 1:2) and “I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands” (Ps. 143:5). This form of meditation is more verbal, like thinking out loud—perhaps even like talking back to yourself.

For the Christian, meditation is an important spiritual practice. It is word centered and God exalting. It brings clarity to the confusion of life. It reorients our wandering hearts to the truth. It anchors us in chaos. Like the psalmist, may we ruminate, dwell, contemplate, ponder, muse, and talk to ourselves about God’s word “day and night.”

On Words and the Word of God

Words matter. As a counselor, I know the power of the spoken word, how certain words can break a relationship, while others can heal it. As a writer, I know the importance of selecting the right word to use in a sentence. Sometimes, just one word can be the difference between confusion and clarity.

Words matter in the Bible as well. God created the world through just the power of his word; he merely spoke and light appeared. The Bible tells us that Jesus Christ is The Word incarnate, God’s word to us made flesh. Unlike the words we write or speak, God’s word is active and alive; it changes and transforms. It is truth which sanctifies.

As we prepare to return to Bible studies with the women in our churches this fall, it is appropriate to look at the significance of words in Scripture, for every word carries weight and meaning. When we study a passage or chapter in the Bible, it is important to make note of the words used, the meanings of those words, and how they are used. It makes a world of difference as we seek to understand, learn, and be transformed by the very word of God.

As you study God's word this semester, consider some of these words:

Names of People and Places: The meanings of names is significant in the Bible. Whenever we come across a name, whether of a person or place, we ought to look up its meaning. Unlike modern times, in the Bible, a person’s name often indicated something about who they were and what they would become (Gen 17:5). Sometimes God instructed prophets to name their children names that spoke to what was happening at that time in Israel or signified what would happen in the future (Hosea 1:6). Often, the names of places tell us something about who God is and what he has done. Further, it's fascinating to look at the names of places in the New Testament because we often find significant events taking place at the same location important events took place in the Old.

Repeated Words: Consider how often a teacher or parent repeats the same instructions to children. Such instructions often sound like a record set on repeat. In the Bible, when a word is repeated, it’s not accidental and certainly not something to tune out. It’s done so to enforce something, to highlight something, to make a point. The author is saying, “Listen up! This is uber-important!”

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3 Reasons to Read Through Your Bible This Year

With the start of a new year, we often make plans and set goals for what we hope to accomplish over the next twelve months. After all the holiday parties, certainly getting back on track with our diet is top of the list. Maybe next is trying out that new gym around the corner. Perhaps we also want to try a new hobby, read more books, or take a class.

For Christians, we often add to that list of goals something related to reading our Bibles. We know how essential Bible reading is to our faith and we want to be more consistent. Perhaps we received a new devotional or book or bible study for Christmas which we hope will aid us in reaching that goal.

Consistency is hard for all of us. We are fallen people and our hearts are easily distracted and pulled away by lesser things. We should all have a goal to read God’s word each day. It ought to be our goal for every year.

In fact, Bible reading was a goal of mine about a dozen years ago now. While I had read and studied my entire Bible in college (mostly for various classes), I hadn’t read through it since then. I decided that new year I would start in Genesis and read a couple of chapters each day and work my way through the Bible, one book at a time. When December rolled around again, I still had two more books left to read, so I kept on reading until I finished. It took more than a year, but I loved the experience and have been reading through my Bible each year ever since. (Though I now use the M’Cheyne reading schedule.)

Why read through the Bible?

1. You read books of the Bible you might not ordinarily read: Every word in Scripture is inspired and breathed out by God. Every word is useful for “teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16). But we tend to stick with certain books of the Bible. When was the last time you read Leviticus or Obadiah? Whether it’s because they are familiar or easy to understand or for some other preference, we tend to return to the books of the Bible we know, like the gospels or the Psalms. When we do so, we miss out on important teaching from other books. For example, when we skip a book like Leviticus, we miss out on the ways it opens our eyes to see our great need for Jesus.

2. You see how all the books fit together: While there are many different writers of the books in the Bible, there is one author behind them all: God. “For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit” (2 Peter 1:20). As you read through the Bible year after year, you begin to see common threads and themes. You’ll see stories and patterns repeated. From one page to the next, you’ll see just how sinful and broken and desperate we really are. You’ll see God intercede in story after story with his amazing grace. Time and time again, you’ll witness his faithfulness to the faithless. And you’ll marvel at how God pushed forward his plan of redemption, despite the actions of evil kings, wayward idolaters, and dark spiritual forces.

3. You’ll grow to love all of God’s word: We all have favorite verses and passages in Scripture. Those go-to pages that are worn and dog-eared more than others. Those treasures we hide in our heart and repeat to ourselves to bring light to the dark corners of our lives. The more that you read through the Bible, the more you’ll come to love the entirety of it. God’s word will become so familiar to you, you’ll find your own words infused with it. Your thoughts will be shaped by it. And as the Spirit works through those words, your very self will be transformed into the image of the Word, Jesus Christ.

This new year, consider reading through the whole Bible. It’s one goal you’ll want to set on repeat.