God's Comfort for a Mother's Cares

“When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul” (Ps. 94:19).

A mother has many cares for her children. No matter her children’s age or stage, their needs are never far from her mind. Many of her worries come naturally as the result of living in a fallen world where children catch illnesses, face bullies on the playground, and struggle with academics. In a broken, sin-stained world, she can’t help but have concern for their safety from those who might do them harm. She can’t help but worry about the temptations they face online and with friends. She can’t help but worry about their future.

Indeed, the cares of a mother's heart are many.

While the ESV translates the Hebrew here as “cares,” other translations use the word “anxiety.” “When the anxieties of my heart are many…” The word literally means “disquieting thoughts.” Consider the anxious thoughts you’ve had about your children. Those thoughts that keep you up at night and follow you throughout the day. Thoughts that never seem to let you alone. Thoughts like: What if this illness worsens? What if she gets behind in school? What if he doesn’t make friends? What if we can’t find the help she needs? What if we can’t afford…? What if…?

David Powlison once wrote, “anxiety presumes a great distance between God and my present concern.” But the psalmist reminds us that God does known about our anxieties and cares. This verse is a reminder that God isn’t far away. Our circumstances are not beyond his knowledge and care for us. In fact, the psalmist then tells us that God’s consolations cheer the soul. “Consolation” is another word for comfort. It’s the same word used in Isaiah 66:10-14 where the prophet compares a mother comforting her baby to God’s comfort and care for his people. The word for “cheer” or in other translations, “delight” is to soothe or stroke, just as mother does to calm her baby.

And that’s what the Lord does for us in our anxieties.

Psalm 94 is a psalm about God’s people experiencing injustice at the hand of their enemies. It calls them to wait for the Lord to enact justice on their behalf. And as they wait, to remember who God is for them. He is a covenant keeping God who “will not abandon his heritage” (v.14), whose steadfast love holds them (v.18), and who is their stronghold, a rock of refuge (v.22). In the midst of the fears and anxieties of this life, our God is with us. He comforts us with his presence. Even more, he is our helper and provider. He is our strength and our place of safety. Like a child with his mother, we can run to our Father and find the comfort and help we need.

Calvin comments: “The heavier our calamities grow, we should hope that Divine grace will only be the more powerfully manifested in comforting us under them, but should we through weakness of the flesh be vexed and tormented by anxious cares, we must be satisfied with the remedy which the Psalmist here speaks of in such high terms. Believers are conscious of two very different states of mind. On the one hand, they are afflicted and distressed with various fears and anxieties; on the other, there is a secret joy communicated to them from above, and this in accommodation to their necessity, so as to preserve them from being swallowed up by any complication or force of calamity which may assail them.”

I like how Calvin describes God’s comfort as a “secret joy” that God gives to us. He sees our needs and meets us where we are with his presence. He sooths our hearts with the truths of who he is. He helps us see that he is greater than our fears. And if we have any doubt of his provisions of grace for us, we need look no further than the cross of Christ. As Paul wrote in Romans 8:32, “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”

The reality is, we will experience hard and fearful and troubling things in this fallen world. As moms, we will feel anxious for our children. We’ll worry about their health, their growth, their friendships, their safety. We’ll worry about their future. We’ll think all those “what if?” thoughts. But God’s comfort keeps and preserves us from being consumed by our troubles. His consolations soothe our soul. We find him to be our refuge in all our troubles.

Father, I come to you with many concerns and cares for my children. My mind is often filled with questions of “What if this or that happens?” Forgive me for when my anxieties turn my gaze from you and onto my circumstances and I forget that you are greater. I know you love my children far more than I can, for you love with a perfect love. Be with them now. Shower them with your love and grace. Intervene in our circumstances and be our refuge. Comfort my heart. Sooth my soul. Give me that “secret joy” in the midst of worrying circumstances. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Photo by Bethany Beck on Unsplash

A Mother's Persistent Prayer

I’ve prayed for my children since before they were born. I’ve prayed for all aspects of their life: physical health and development, emotional growth and maturity, behavioral challenges and struggles, and most importantly, their spiritual life. I’ve prayed they would never know a day in their life that they did not know who God is and what he has done for them in Christ. I’ve prayed they would love God’s word and seek to grow in their faith. I’ve prayed he would protect their minds and hearts from evil. I’ve prayed the Lord would prepare and equip them for how he will use them in his Kingdom.

I’ve prayed these prayers over and over. I’ve persisted in these prayers. God has answered some and I see his continued work in others. I continue to pray for them as they grow into godly young men.

I was recently struck by the persistent prayer of another mother, one who lived long ago. This summer, I am taking a church history course with RTS where I enjoy learning about the early church and how God protected and preserved her. Out of all the writings I’ve read of the church fathers, I’ve most enjoyed reading about St. Augustine. While many church fathers wrote extensively on the Christian faith, matters of doctrine, and issues of the day, Augustine is unique because he wrote an intensely personal autobiography, titled Confessions.

Augustine wrote Confessions following his conversion to Christ where he looked back on his life before faith. It is a conversation, a prayer from Augustine to God, confessing his sin and wayward heart. In writing Confessions, Augustine opened the door to his heart so we can see inside. We see how God worked in his life, bringing him on a journey through false religion, idolatry, loss, and hardship to see his great need for the grace of Christ. We see him wrestle with the doctrines of the faith. We see him try to find life and hope outside of God. We see him brought to his knees and there receive the gift of grace. It’s an amazing story, one which mirrors our own.

One of the most influential people in Augustine’s life was his mother, Monica. She was a pious Christian woman, married to a pagan. In the ancient world, male children would follow the religion of their father, so Monica could not automatically pass on her faith to Augustine; she could not have him baptized. However, she did bring him to church and teach him about the faith. He was enrolled as a “catechumen,” what we would think of today as Sunday school. Growing up, Augustine heard his mother sing hymns and pray for him to come to faith. Later in life, he would look back on her dedication to pray for him with gratitude and thanksgiving.

Augustine reflects on his mother’s prayers for his soul in Confessions: “You sent your hand from above, and raised my soul out of that depth of darkness because of my mother, Your faithful one, wept to You for me more bitterly than mothers weep for the bodily deaths of their children.”

He was entrenched in false religions and his mother desperately wanted him to embrace the truth of Christianity. She went to Italy where he was living and he told her he had left the religious group, but still did not embrace Christianity. Augustine recounts his mother’s response to this news, saying that with full confidence she told him she knew before she died he would come to faith. While visiting him in Italy, his mother sought the help of the bishop, Ambrose, asking him to speak to Augustine and show him the truth of Christianity. Ambrose told her Augustine simply wasn’t ready yet to learn the truth and told her to wait, saying “as sure as you live, it is impossible that the son of these tears should perish.”

After years of searching and trying out different religions and beliefs, Augustine finally came to saving faith in Christ. He told his mother of his conversion who rejoiced over this good news. Not long later, she came down with a fever and died.

Monica died having seen the fruit of all her prayers for her son. But she didn’t see what God would do next with Augustine. She didn’t see him become the bishop of Hippo. She didn’t see all the tracts, treatises, and books he wrote. She didn’t hear the sermons he preached. And of course, she did not know the lasting impact his work would have on the church. Augustine’s writings played an important role in the Reformation and continues to instruct and encourage believers today.

This testimony of one mother’s persistent prayer reminds me that God does far more than we can imagine with our prayers. Monica’s prayer was for her son’s salvation. God answered that prayer but did far more than that in the life and legacy of Augustine. As a praying mom, this encourages me all the more to pray for the heart’s of my children. It encourages me in my prayers for all those I long to see God save. It encourages me as I pray for the spiritual health and growth of others, including my own heart.

What an amazing thing to consider! God commands us to pray and uses those faithful prayers to carry out his will. He doesn’t need to, but he chooses to. However, our imaginations are limited. Our prayers are myopic. They aren’t creative. We put limitations on what we think God can do. Yet despite these weaknesses— despite our nearsightedness— God uses our prayers in ways we cannot fathom.

I can’t help but think of the early church praying for Peter in prison (Acts 9). They prayed God would release him, but when Peter came knocking on the door where the church was gathered, still in fervent prayer, they did not believe it was him. Some thought it was his ghost, as though he had died in prison. Yet, God answered their prayers and brought Peter safely to them. What a testimony of God’s grace in nearsighted prayer!

Dear praying moms, keep praying for the hearts of your children. Persist in prayer. Be creative in prayer. Know God can do far beyond what you can even imagine. And while you may not see all the ways God uses your prayers in this life, trust and know you will see the ripple effects of those prayers in eternity.

Moms, What do You Expect?

Are you familiar with the book What to Expect When You are Expecting? You know, the bible for expectant mothers? It’s the book that tells you everything to expect to happen to your body and to your baby as he or she grows in the womb and then what to expect during delivery. Like many moms to be, I read that book cover to cover. Of course, I sort of glossed over all the complications that can happen and assumed I would just have a normal pregnancy and delivery. After all, those rare complications happen to other people, right?

A few years ago, there was a fictional movie, a comedy based on the book that followed multiple mothers who were expecting a baby, including one through adoption. There’s a scene where one of the women arrives at the hospital in labor and the doctor tells her she needs to have a c-section. She responds: “But I have a plan. It’s typed and everything.”

I can totally relate to this. I had a plan, not only a birth plan, but a motherhood plan. A plan for what I expected motherhood to be like. It looked like something from one of those sweet baby shampoo commercials where everyone looks like they are drowning in pure baby bliss.

And while there are certainly times of bliss, as we know, motherhood isn’t easy and it doesn’t always turn out how we expect. Whether in small things, like our child throwing up in the car on the way to a play date with friends, or in big things like learning our child has a serious illness or disability— what we expect to happen in motherhood often clashes head on with life in a fallen world. As a result, our children don’t always do what we expect. Their life circumstances aren’t always what we expected they would be. And as moms, we aren’t always the moms we expected and hoped we’d be.

Yet while our expectations for motherhood may fail us, we can always expect great things from our Savior. In every moment of motherhood, we can expect Christ to be for us what we can’t be for ourselves.

Four Things Moms Can Expect From Christ:

1.  Forgiveness of sins: The apostle John wrote that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Because of the fall of man, we can expect to sin, but through our redemption from sin in Christ, we can expect forgiveness from sin. We are clothed in Christ’s righteousness so that God looks at us and sees all that Christ did in his perfect life on our behalf. We are forgiven for every sin, past, present, and future because God expended his wrath for our sin on Christ at the cross. We are set free from sin and can now live for God and his glory. This is good news moms need!

So, when you find yourself frustrated with your children and you say things you wish you hadn’t said, because of Jesus, you can turn to the gospel and appropriate what he did for you. You can pray and seek the Lord’s forgiveness. You can rest in the truth that the Spirit is making you new each day. You can apologize to your children and model what it looks like to live out the truths of the gospel.

2. Grace in every moment: The Apostle John also wrote that God gives us grace upon grace (John 1:16). We can expect grace for all we need. Grace is God’s favor set on us. It’s his kindness that we don’t deserve. We come to faith by God’s grace (Ephesians 2:8). But God’s grace goes further: By his grace, he gives us all that we need to live out the calling he’s given to us. Peter tells us that “his divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3). We can trust God’s grace to keep and sustain us. He will ensure we finish the race.

When we are overwhelmed in our mothering, when we don’t know what to do, when we feel inadequate or insufficient, we can trust in God’s grace to carry us. We can pray and ask for his grace to sustain us, to give us wisdom, to help us put off sin and put on righteousness. Moms, rejoice in this: God’s grace is abundant; it’s a well that never runs dry.

3. His Spirit to be at work in us: One of my favorite passages is in Romans 8 where Paul tells us that when we don’t have the words to know how to pray, the Spirit prays for us on our behalf (Romans 8:26). Because some days, life gets hard and it seems like I can hardly breath, much less put my thoughts into words. On those days, I know the Holy Spirit is speaking for me. Moms, the Spirit is always at work in us and for us, even when we don’t realize it. In our most chaotic and troubling days, the Spirit is actively at work, making us more and more like Christ.

When we are impatient in our mothering, when we find ourselves saying things to our children we regret, when we fail to be the moms we desire to be, we can rejoice in the truth that the Spirit never ceases his work in us. Each day he is teaching us, training us, convicting us, and changing us. He is giving us opportunities to see our need for Christ, to repent of sin, and to rest in Christ’s finished work. So while there are days we may not be the moms we want to be, we can trust that the Spirit is transforming us into the moms Christ died for us to be.

4. His presence with us : We live in a fallen world where life does not go as we expect. But we are not alone. We can expect God to be present with us no matter what we are going through. As Paul wrote in Romans 8: “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height,  nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38). Nothing can separate us from him.

We can turn to him and cry out for his strength. We can know that he hears all our cries. We can seek his help and wisdom in difficult circumstances. We can trust that he knows all that is happening in our lives and in the lives of our children and that he is working in the situation for our good. We can trust that he will never leave us or forsake us. We are his and he is ours.

While motherhood is filled with unexpected twists and turns, challenges and heartaches, we can expect good things from our good God. Moms, let the gospel anchor your heart and give you hope in the face of the unmet and failed expectations of motherhood.

Sufficient Hope for Mother's Day {and a giveaway}

This Mother’s Day will be a unique one for all moms. So much has changed in our lives in recent months. So much has flipped upside down. Our normal daily life is nothing like it was when the calendar rolled over into 2020. We’ve spent all our waking time with our families. We’ve juggled work, parenting duties, and schooling for our children. We’ve gotten creative in cooking with what we could find at the store. We’ve learned to connect with people through virtual platforms. And any plans we had for the future are on hold or tentative at best.

As moms, we’ve had to navigate explaining this crisis to our children, when we don’t quite understand it ourselves. We’ve had to find ways to engage our children when they are bored and miss their friends. We’ve watched far too much news and laughed over more memes than we’d care to admit. We’ve likely hid away in our closet just to get a moment of peace and maybe even shed a tear or two—or is that just me?

And in the back of our minds, we wonder, what will school look like this fall? Will sports and other activities resume as usual? When will we have a normal celebration with friends and loved ones? Will our finances ever get back on track? And for goodness’ sake, when will the stores ever have toilet paper again?

In the midst of all this, we celebrate all things motherhood this weekend. Yet it won’t look like previous years. We won’t celebrate it with extended family, and if we do, we’ll stand six feet apart with masks on our faces. We may not be able to go to our favorite place for brunch or dinner, and if we do, the restaurant will look different than before. Most of us won’t say “Happy Mother’s Day” to other moms in church because we’re still worshiping from the couch in our living room.

I don’t know about you, but I could use some gospel encouragement and hope right about now. I could use a reminder that in the midst of all this upside down craziness there is One who remains steady and sure. I could use a reminder that Christ is King. I could use a reminder that while I don’t know what the future holds, there is One who does. I could use a reminder that my Savior faced my greatest fear in my place and he holds me safe in his grip.

Dear mom friend, what we need most in uncertain times is the certainty of who Christ is and what he has done for us in his perfect life, sacrificial death, and triumphant resurrection. He conquered sin and death and now reigns at the right hand of God. He gave us his Spirit who lives within us, comforting, guiding, encouraging, and transforming us. He is our sure hope in uncertain times.

Let these truths from the book of Romans wash over your heart. Fix your gaze on Christ. Recite to yourself the good news of the gospel. Let it light your way in the darkness. And whatever you encounter today, remember that Jesus Christ is your sufficient hope.

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.” Romans 5:1-2

“We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” Romans 6:4

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13

In honor of Mother’s Day, I am giving away copies of my book, Sufficient Hope: Gospel Meditations and Prayers for Moms. To enter for a chance to win, visit my Facebook page and leave a comment on the giveaway post or find me on Instagram @christinarfox and leave a comment on the giveaway post. US residents only. Giveaway ends May 8 at 12am and winners will be messaged through social media.

Moms, We Need Older Moms

In recent months, I’ve had the opportunity to do a few “book club” type events around my book, Idols of a Mother’s Heart. At these events, mother’s of all ages gather together to talk about the concepts in my book. I ask questions and the women respond and share with one another.

What I’ve loved most about these events is seeing the diversity in ages and stages of life. I love hearing women in their seventies talk about motherhood, while moms in their twenties and thirties listen in. I love hearing stories from people ahead and me and from those behind me and realizing that they are the same.

I love watching the admonitions in Titus 2 unfold before my eyes.

Too often in our churches, those in the season of early motherhood stick together with other young moms. That’s how it was for me. The other young moms and I in my church got together for weekly play dates. We met and prayed together. We shared our frustrations, questions, and heartaches of mothering together. And while there is nothing wrong with moms of similar age and stage gathering together for encouragement, and I highly encourage it, there’s also something missing.

What’s missing is older women. Older moms who have walked the road before us. Older moms who have wisdom and encouragement to share with younger moms.

Because things change so much in our culture over the decades, we assume that older women wouldn’t understand what it’s like to raise children in our time and season. We think that the challenges we face are too different than that faced in the past. Not only that, but technology, new scientific research, and simply the way we care for and raise our children changes with each generation. And while there is truth to that, there are aspects to motherhood that remain the same, no matter the generation or culture or technology.

Specifically, a mother’s heart.

No matter our age or stage of life as moms, we all are sinners. We all battle with idolatry in our heart. We all say and do things that defy God’s law and hurt others. We also all have doubts, fears, and sorrows. We all long for wisdom and discernment as we parent our children. We all want to do our best as mothers and glorify God in the process. And above all, we all need a Savior.

This is common ground upon which all mothers stand. This is the place where older and younger mothers meet. This is where older mothers can encourage and walk alongside younger moms. And where we can live out the Titus 2 command:

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled” (vv.3-6).

In recent years, I’ve asked older moms in the empty nest stage of life to share their experiences. I want to know what the terrain looks like ahead in the journey. I want to prepare my heart now for what’s to come. As I do, I learn from their experience and wisdom as they show me how the gospel applies to that specific season of life.

Moms, let’s make an effort to reach beyond our immediate circle of same age and stage moms. Let’s look to those ahead of us and seek their wisdom. Tell them what mothering is like in our current generation and the challenges we face. Listen and learn from their own stories of motherhood. And rejoice together in the good news of the gospel, that no matter our age and stage, we have a Savior who is wisdom and hope for us in motherhood.

A Prayer for Worried Moms

I am a worrier. I worry about big things and little things. I worry about things that happened in the past and things that may or may not happen in the future. I ruminate, mull over, and dwell on things, considering all the possible scenarios and outcomes.

And I did all of this before I became a mom. Can you imagine how much my worry intensified after motherhood?

In my new book, Sufficient Hope: Gospel Meditations and Prayers for Moms, I have a chapter focused on worry and how the gospel speaks to our worry as moms.

Today I want to share a prayer from that chapter. Why a prayer? Because the Bible teaches us to pray when we are worried. It teaches us to bring all our cares and concerns to the throne of grace where our Father in Heaven listens to us. He hears our cries and meets us in our need. Sometimes he removes the things that worry us; other times he uses those worrisome circumstances to show us more of his grace for us in Christ. We have a good Father who has made us his children through the sacrifice of his Son. We can trust him with all our cares.

Moms who worry, here is a prayer for your heart.

A Gospel Prayer for the Worried Mom’s Heart

Dear Father in heaven,

I come before you today with a heart filled with worry. I worry about my children. I worry about their future. I worry about harm coming to them. I worry about failing them as a mom. I worry about so many things. I find myself consumed by my worries. They keep me up at night, and I think about them all during the day.

So I come to you today because you are my Maker and Creator. You know my frame, my weaknesses, and my frailties. You know my inward thoughts. You know my sin. You know when a sparrow falls from the sky and know the number of hairs on my head. You know all things, and you also rule over all things. You are the King of Kings— the ruler of the universe. You sustain all things, and by your word everything is held together.

But you are not a distant ruler; you are my Abba—my Father. Through Christ, I have been adopted into your family. I have the privilege of coming before you, and you hear me. Because you are my Father, you don’t want me to worry. I know that such worry is sinful because it keeps my heart distracted and turned from you. Forgive me for worrying. Forgive me for looking to my worries rather than seeking you. Forgive me for all the ways that I seek to control the things I worry about. Forgive me for trying to find peace in anything apart from you.

I know that you love me as much as you love your Son, Jesus. Help me to remember that and dwell on it. Help me to see just how much you love and provide for me—so much so that you gave me your Son. Help me to look at and truly see all the ways that you watch over and care for me and my family. Help me to rejoice in that and to give you thanks.

Hear my prayer today and all the cares that are on my heart. I entrust them into your hands, knowing that you will do what is good and right and best, for you are a good Father. Take my worries and give me your peace in return.

Because of Jesus I pray. Amen.

Note: This prayer is an excerpt from my new book, Sufficient Hope: Gospel Meditations and Prayers for Moms.

Want to learn more about my new book? I was on the Help + Hope Project Podcast yesterday, talking with Christine Chappell about the book. Click here to listen.