Life Lived in the In-Between

I don’t know about you, but my life hasn't always turned out like I anticipated. I didn't experience the bliss of motherhood that the baby shampoo commercials promised. My dream job wasn't such a dream after all. The house that was supposed to be better than the last, turned out to be just as imperfect and broken. And no matter how many how-to books I've read, I still struggle in relationships, in my role as a wife and mother, and in organizing my life.

The truth is, life is filled with failed expectations. We pursue after dreams only to find that they weren't what we thought they'd be. Relationships let us down. Our bodies let us down. We let ourselves down. That's because life is not as it should be. We live in a broken and fallen world where life is disappointing. It often doesn't "work" or go as planned. We sin and are sinned against.

When life is disappointing, I often ask myself: how should I respond? Do I make lemonade from my challenges and view life from Pollyanna rimmed glasses, denying the harsh realities of life? Or do I fully taste the sourness of this fallen world and just accept it like it is? Do I demand life work my way? Or do I lock myself in my house, fearful of the next disappointment and failure?

Or is there perhaps another way to view life altogether?

A Holy Tension

Have you ever watched a tight rope walker? We once went on a vacation to the mountains of Northern California. While hiking in Yosemite, we came across a group of brave hikers. They hung a slackline across a deep crevasse and walked across it. One miss-step and the hiker would fall thousands of feet to the ground below. I couldn’t even watch because just the thought of what they were doing made me nauseous.

But in many ways, our lives as Christians are like walking on a slackline.

Like someone walking across a rope, we live out a holy tension. We are called to live in the world, but not of the world. Because of Christ's sacrifice on the cross for our sins, we are dead to the power of sin, yet not completely free from its presence. We are called to both be dependent upon Christ (John 15:5) and to "work out our salvation with fear and trembling" (Philippians 2:12).

In fact, as long as we live on this earth and until Christ returns, we live in what theologians call the “already-not yet." We are in an in-between time, where life is not one-dimensional. It's not as simple as making lemonade from the bitter experiences of life. Rather, life is an intertwined experience of joy and pain, tears and laughter, beauty and bitterness. We can't accept things as they are, but we can't despair as though we have no hope. We cry in sorrow over the horrors that sin has brought, yet we have joy, knowing Christ came to make all things new.

This is the reality of the Christian life. A co-mingling of seemingly disparate conditions. A holy tension of life lived in-between the already and the not yet. In 2 Corinthians 4, Paul described this holy tension: "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed" (8-9).

When I read Paul’s description, I wonder, how can that be? Because when I feel despair, that's all I feel. It overshadows everything else. When I am afraid, fear takes the driver's seat in all my decisions. And to be honest, joy seems all too far away to be co-mingled with anything else.

So how do we live out this holy tension? How do we live in this already/not-yet time in history?

Walking the Holy Tension

It is through Christ's life, death, and resurrection that this holy tension makes sense. And it is through the power of the gospel that it is possible to live in the in-between.

The gospel tells us that God became flesh and dwelt among us. The Maker and Creator of all things entered this sinful broken world and lived life as a human. He was tempted just as we are tempted, yet never sinned. He experienced all the heartaches and pains of this life, yet obeyed and glorified God in all things. Because he was sinless, he could take on our sins as the spotless Lamb of God. Christ was punished in our place, and bore the full wrath of God for us. After three days in the grave, he rose victorious, ensuring our own resurrection at the end of days.

This is why we are comforted in the midst of affliction: because Christ was afflicted for us. Though we may be persecuted or rejected by others, we can stand confident knowing we are accepted by God because Christ was rejected in our place. We can have joy in the midst of our sorrow, because we know that the Man of Sorrow's bore all our burdens at the cross. We can face the disappointments of life with hope because we know that one day sin, sorrow, and disappointment will be no more. We can repent over our sin and feel freedom because we know Christ became sin for us. We can live without shame because we know God will never leave us or forsake us.

Yes, life is disappointing. We can't deny it or pretend otherwise. Because of the Fall, we will continue to experience disappointments, sorrows, and failed expectations. People will continue to sin against us, and we’ll continue to sin against them. We will face hardships, challenges, and broken dreams. Yet, we do not live like those who have no hope. We continue on in this seemingly paradoxical life, walking a holy tension, balancing life in the already/not-yet, through the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

Because of who Christ is and what he has done for us, we can live life in the in-between. Because we know whose we are. We know true and abiding joy is found not in circumstances or things, but in our Maker and Redeemer. We also know the end of the story; we know there’s more to come. In keeping our eyes focused on our hope in eternity, we can live in the in-between and remain "afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair."

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Photo by Leio McLaren (@leiomclaren) on Unsplash

40 Favorite Hymns on the Christian Life: An Interview with Leland Ryken

I grew up singing hymns in worship each Sunday. Even today, when I sing a hymn in church, I can almost hear the echo of the old pipe organ from my childhood church. (The same organ the other kids and I would later try and play hide and seek behind after church.)

I’ve found that when I learn the stories behind the hymns I sing, I love them even more. When I take the time to understand the words, phrases, and the metaphors used, the hymn impacts my heart in a richer way. It draws me into greater devotion to my Lord and Savior.

That’s why I’m excited to share an interview I recently did with Lelan Ryken on his new book: 40 Favorite Hymns on the Christian Life: A Closer Look at Their Spiritual and Poetic Meaning:

Christina: How did you come to write the book?

Leland Ryken: Allow me to take you behind the scenes in a writer's life. I was casting about for my next writing project and sent a really enticing list of six possible topics to P&R, which was totally unimpressed by my list. As an afterthought, I sent the proposal for what I refer to as my beloved "hymns book." P&R pounced on the topic and threw themselves into the project in a totally endearing way. I have not had a more favorite publishing venture among my nearly sixty books.

Christina: What do you mean when you say that a hymn is a poem before it is a hymn?

Leland Ryken: Every hymn begins as a written text. This text has the properties of a poem. It is written in lines that end with rhyming words. It consists of images and metaphors, and it possesses verbal beauty beyond ordinary prose discourse.  In short, it is a poem such as I teach in my literature courses. This written text becomes a hymn only after it is paired with music. This is always a second step, beyond the initial poetic one.

Christina: Why should we read hymns as poems in addition to singing them?

Leland Ryken: When we sing a hymn, we are hurried along. We do not take time to ponder the words and unpack the images and metaphors. The result is that we experience only a fraction of the meanings and beauty that are actually there. I would compare this to the Shakespeare plays that I teach as literature. How much of what is actually in the text do I experience when I see it performed in a theater? I would say twenty-five percent. In both cases, the optimal experience is first to master the text as a work of literature, and then sing the hymn or watch a performance of the play.

Christina: Each of the hymns in your anthology is accompanied by a 500-word unit of commentary; what is the nature of that commentary?

Leland Ryken: This book follows the same format as the book I published just before it. That book (entitled The Soul in Paraphrase) was also an anthology of individual devotional poems by the "greats" accompanied by 500-word explications. An explication is a systematic literary analysis or close reading of a text. It gives an overview of the content and structure of the poem, and then identifies and interprets the meanings of the poetic texture (the images and individual figures of speech). Within the allotted space, an explication recreates the ideal reading experience of a text. An explicator is a tour guide through a poem.

Christina: What did you discover about your chosen hymn writers as a group?

Leland Ryken: I discovered that virtually none of the authors were professional literary people. They were ordinary Christians. I found no evidence that they pored over their manuscripts and painstakingly revised them; I got the impression rather that inspiration fell like a benediction on the process of composition. A large number of the authors were ministers. Hymn writers are a prolific lot, and most of them wrote hundreds and even thousands of hymns. Many of the hymns came out of experiences or lives of great suffering.

Christina: Were there common metaphors used in older hymns that we don’t use as often today?

Leland Ryken: I would say that the images and metaphors in the great hymns are timeless. If they seem unfamiliar to people today, that is because people lack contact with great poetry, including hymns.

Christina: Were there surprises for you as you did the research for this book?

Leland Ryken: Everything that I said earlier about the hymn writers as a group was a surprise to me. Additionally, my discipline of literary studies pays lip service to the literary tradition of hymns, but we do not teach hymns in our literature courses. I was surprised to see how well the great hymns hold up as poetry. Finally, many of the hymns express such lofty and seemingly impossible ideals of spiritual attainment that we find it hard to take the sentiments seriously, but if we know enough about the biographical circumstances of the author's life, it turns out that they expressed the truth about the author's convictions and feelings in regard to God's goodness. We are too quick to pass off the sentiments as exaggerations. Instead of being cynical, we should aspire toward the ideal that the hymns set before us.

Christina: How do you envision readers using this anthology of hymnic poems?

Leland Ryken: My book is like other literary anthologies of devotional poetry. There is no shortage of literary technique to admire in the hymns, so readers can use the book of literary enjoyment. The accompanying explications will seem like a return to the high school or college classroom. But the poems are devotional in content and are accompanied by a related Scripture passage, so they can as well be read for devotional purposes.

Christina: What do you think the church loses when it stops reading and singing hymns?

Leland Ryken: It loses the beauty of holiness. It loses exaltation and largeness of vision. It leaves a great treasure chest unopened. It loses continuity with the spiritual richness of the past. While composing answers to this written interview, I have been listening to hymns that took me back to my childhood spiritual experiences in Pella, Iowa; people who sing only contemporary songs that are here today and gone tomorrow have no hymnic past to which to return. Someday they will be left with empty gas tanks, metaphorically speaking.

To learn more about this book, visit P&R Publishing.

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For Those Who are Weak

This year has brought with it new opportunities and experiences for me. The Lord has provided a role for me on the national women’s ministry team for the PCA. I also took my first seminary class in January at RTS. I’ve had more opportunities to write and speak than ever before. I’m amazed at the Lord’s provision for these things. I’m excited about them and look forward to participating in them.

But at the same time, my weakness is ever before me.

To be honest, I wavered over the decision to register for seminary. When I finished graduate school in 2002, I said I’d never go back to school. Never say never, as they say! But part of me wonders, can I handle learning something new at my age? Will I even understand what I am learning? Can I perform at the level of the other, much younger students?

I feel my weakness in the other opportunities as well. I see all the areas in which I am lacking. I feel insufficient and unprepared. I fear letting people down, making mistakes, and being found out as an interloper. A fake. A fraud.

This semester, my kids and I have been reading and discussing the book of Exodus (we’re using Kristen Hatton’s book, The Gospel-Centered Life in Exodus). I see myself in Moses. God visited Moses in the wilderness where he had fled after killing an Egyptian. He told Moses he would use him to rescue the Israelite’s from slavery in Egypt. Like me, Moses had lots of questions. Why me? Who am I? Don’t you know my weaknesses? And most importantly: Who are you?

When I give my children instructions and they respond with questions and say “Why do I have to do it?” or “I can’t because _____” or “I’m not ready,” I’m not so gracious. But God met Moses’ questions with grace. He met him with his very self. God told Moses all he needed to know. “God said to Moses, ‘I AM WHO I AM.’ And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.’” (Exodus 3:14-15).

The most common name for God in Scripture is LORD, written in all capital letters in our Bible. It is YHWH, which we pronounce Yahweh. The Jews had such reverence for this name of God, they never said it out loud; instead they used the name, Adonai.

It is this name, Yahweh, that's used in Exodus 3 when God tells Moses his name. It’s an important passage because God is defining himself for Moses. He is telling Moses he has always existed and is not dependent upon anyone else. In Hebrew, the word is in the future tense, “I will be what I will be.” God is not a created being; he has always existed. John Calvin wrote concerning this name, “he claims for himself eternity as peculiar to God alone, in order that he may be honored according to his dignity… that our minds may be filled with admiration as often as his incomprehensible essence is mentioned.” God doesn’t rely on anything outside himself to keep and sustain him, as we do. This name also tells us that God is unchangeable; he always is and always was. It was also this name, Yahweh, I AM, that Jesus used in response to the Jews in John 8: "Jesus said to them, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am'" (v. 58).

Calvin also wrote that knowing God’s name gave Moses confidence in his calling: “Wherefore, in order rightly to apprehend the one God, we must first know, that all things in heaven and earth derive at His will their essence, or subsistence from One, who only truly is. From this Being all power is derived; because, if God sustains all things by his excellency, he governs them also at his will. And how would it have profited Moses to gaze upon the secret essence of God, as if it were shut up in heaven, unless, being assured of his omnipotence, he had obtained from thence the buckler of his confidence? Therefore God teaches him that He alone is worthy of the most holy name, which is profaned when improperly transferred to others; and then sets forth his inestimable excellency, that Moses may have no doubt of overcoming all things under his guidance.” 

When I think about my own callings, knowing who God is gives me confidence and peace. Like Moses, I can’t do anything apart from God. I don’t have what it takes within me. I don’t have the wisdom, strength, or experience. But when God calls, he enables. He gives what is needed to accomplish his will. He meets us where we are with all that we need. He meets us with himself. And as he provided Moses with a staff and the support of his brother Aaron, he gives us gifts and the Body of Christ so that we are equipped to carry out our callings.

I am weak indeed. But just as God used Moses—in spite of his weaknesses—so that his glory might be displayed, I know he can do the same in me.

We Don't Always Need Something New

I like new things. I enjoy the smell of new things. Sometimes, even the thought of something new is exciting, like planning a trip to somewhere I’ve never been or searching for a new house or looking at paint swatches for a new wall color.

As humans, we love to pursue what’s new. New technology, gadgets, and tools. New methods and strategies. New innovations and discoveries. We love stories of people reinventing themselves. We look forward to new days, new school years, and New Year’s Day.

We also look for the “new” in our spiritual lives.

While new things are helpful (and I often wonder how I lived before Amazon and smart phones!) in our walk with the Lord, we don’t need something new. As we grow in our faith and Christ-likeness, we don’t need a new method. We don’t need an innovative strategy. We don’t need a new “10 Step Guide to Spiritual Growth.” We need exactly what God has provided for us. He’s given us everything we need and it’s been available to us all along.

We need the means of grace.

God has provided ordinary means by which he uses to strengthen and grow our faith. Theologians use the term “means of grace” to describe these means, though the Bible doesn’t use this phrase. In Berkhof’s Systematic Theology, he defines the means of grace as “objective channels which Christ has instituted in the Church, and to which He ordinarily binds Himself in the communication of His grace” (p. 604-605). These are the means God chooses to use, through the agency of the Holy Spirit, in our spiritual growth. God uses these means to draw us closer to himself.

What are these means? They are primarily prayer, the Word of God, and the sacraments.

The Westminster Confession Shorter Catechism puts it this way:

Q. 154. What are the outward means whereby Christ communicates to us the benefits of his mediation?

A. The outward and ordinary means whereby Christ communicates to his church the benefits of his mediation, are all his ordinances; especially the Word, sacraments, and prayer; all which are made effectual to the elect for their salvation.

God doesn’t change and the means by which we receive his grace hasn’t changed either. Generation after generation, God works in us using the ordinary means of prayer, the Word of God, and the sacraments of baptism and the Lord’s Supper. It is how he feeds and nourishes us spiritually. It is how we abide in him. It’s how we know him. It’s how we grow in him.

We see the early church grow through these means, “And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers…And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved” (Acts 2:42, 46-47).

The phrase, “means of grace,” reminds us that from beginning to end, our life in Christ is all of grace. Our justification is by God’s grace, our sanctification is by God’s grace, and our future glorification is ensured by God’s grace. “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age” (Titus 2:11-12). It is not our ability to read God’s word, or how well we listen to the word preached, or how beautiful our prayers, or how faithful we are to take communion which strengthens and grows our faith; it is the Spirit’s use of these means, by the grace of God and for his glory, which transforms us.

This doesn’t mean God never uses other means to communicate his grace to us. While they are the norm, it doesn’t mean God doesn’t use extraordinary means. Certainly there are examples in the Bible of God doing so. But when it comes to the ordinary, daily growth of the Christian, we can trust that God will work through the means he’s promised to use.

So while new things are intriguing and we are quick to ditch old technology for whatever is new, when it comes to growth in the faith, we don’t need something new. We need to read and hear the word preached. We need to seek our Father in prayer. We need the sign and seal of baptism. And we need to join our church family in the feast of the Lord’s Supper.

Let us grow through the ordinary means of grace.

Favorite Books on Writing

I recently returned from the annual PCA Women’s ministry Leadership Conference where I facilitated our fifth writer’s event. (I love when things like that become a tradition!) Each year, the event has been different. We’ve explored and highlighted different aspects of writing, including growing as a writer, writing different genres, blogging, and publishing.

Each year we’ve had a variety of different women participate in a panel discussion. I love these panels because we get to hear from women of all ages and stages, both in life and in writing. We learn from those who write Bible studies and those who write fiction. We hear stories from both new and seasoned authors. We talk about the Christian’s purpose and goal in writing. And we receive encouragement to keep moving forward in our writing, one word at a time.

In thinking about our panel discussion from this year, I thought it might be helpful to share some of my favorite books on writing. I’ve collected a number of books over the years, including books on writing poetry and non-fiction, books on the craft of writing, books on the mechanics and grammar of writing, as well as writing memoirs from various authors.

I received C. S. Lewis and the Art of Writing: What the Essayist, Poet, Novelist, Literary Critic, Apologist, Memoirist, Theologian Teaches Us about the Life and Craft of Writing for my birthday one year and it is a treasure! I savored it, reading it slowly, one chapter at a time. This book looks at the creative life of C.S. Lewis and reveals his growth as a writer, his struggles in writing, and his writing process. It is both fascinating biography and inspiration for writers. The end of each chapter contains a writing exercise to implement and practice what was discussed in the chapter.

On Writing Well: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction is a classic every writer should have on their shelf. In his straight forward, no nonsense way, Zinsser provides practical tips on how to improve and sharpen one's writing. I also highly recommend his other books, such as Writing About Your Life, Writing Places, and American Places.

The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition is a small handbook on the mechanics of writing, including punctuation, sentence structure, and even commonly misused words and phrases. If you've forgotten what you learned in high school English class, you'll want this book on hand.

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation is a fun way to learn about punctuation. The author is British, so there is some difference in how we use punctuation in the US, but she points out those differences. Punctuation does matter, and unless you are a grammarian who loves the rules of the English language, you may forget some of the finer rules. This is a great little book to add to your writing library.

Many authors have written memoirs about their writing and their creative process. Writing is an isolating and solo activity. I find it helpful to read about an author's process, what inspires them, how they keep moving forward, as well as the barriers they've faced in their writing. When I can't sit with a fellow writer and talk shop, I enjoy reading writing memoirs, such as this one by Madeleine L'Engle: Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art. Here's a favorite quote: "the chief difference between the Christian and the secular artist--the purpose of the work, be it story or music or painting, is to futher the coming of the kingdom, to make us aware of our status as children of God, and to turn our feet toward home." Another good one is Letters and Life: On Being a Writer, On Being a Christian, by Bret Lott.

The last book I will share is not a book on writing at all, but it's a book I always recommend to writers: The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness: The Path to True Christian Joy. Writing involves some challenging things for writers to navigate, including both affirmation and rejection, the uncomfortable feeling writers have in marketing one's writing, receiving critique and criticism, and much more. This short book by Tim Keller grounds writers in the truth of who we are in Christ and what God thinks of us. It is good heart preparation for all that writing entails.

These are just a few of my favorite writing books on my shelf. How about you?

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Leading Like Christ

I have bins in my garage filled with mementos of my childhood. I think my mother saved every drawing, school assignment, and project. Worn Lisa Frank stickers cover binders and notebooks. Random movie stubs are buried there along with a Troll doll and my poor attempts at drawing unicorns.

My report cards are there as well, and at the bottom of each one, a teacher wrote, “she is too quiet and shy.”

Every. Single. One.

I grew up thinking of myself as a last row, back of the class kind of girl. The one who listens and soaks everything in, but has little to say. The one who helps and fills vacancies and works behind the scenes. Definitely not a leader. So much so, I’ve even argued with mentors over that fact.

To me, leaders were talkative and always had people listening to what they had to say. They told others what to do. They were assertive and loud. They pointed out problems and came up with solutions to those problems. They always knew what to say and what to do.

In adulthood, I’ve come to see that leadership is far different than my childhood perspective. A leader isn’t only those who run for student council. Leadership isn’t about a position of power and authority. A leader isn’t about being loud and in charge.

The Bible shows us that a leader is a servant. It is someone who wants to reflect her Savior and desires that others do the same. She seeks to walk alongside others and show them Jesus. She doesn’t care about having a particular position, being known, or having followers. She wants to serve as Jesus served her.

I’ve been thinking about leadership in recent months as our team plans our annual women’s ministry leadership conference based on a book written by two mentors of mine, Life-Giving Leadership.

The authors point out that one characteristic of a life-giving leader is the importance of dying to self. “We must die to live and we must die to lead. Death is painful and scary, but death is necessary for life—His life—to be formed in us. Life-giving leaders know they are nothing more than a tiny grain of wheat, called to a unique place of dirt where they are to die” (p. 21).

I’ve been focusing on this passage as I prepare for the leadership conference, considering what places in my life need to die in order for new life to grow:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him” (John 12:24-26).

Our Savior walked the path of life-giving leadership before us and calls us to follow in his steps. He set aside the glories of heaven to take on human flesh. He walked and lived among us in this broken and sinful world. He dined with outcasts and healed the forgotten. Though perfect and holy in every way, he lowered himself to wash his disciple’s feet. He taught and discipled and shepherded the lost. He was compassionate, gentle, and forbearing. While everyone expected him overthrow the powerful Roman government, he overthrew the power of sin instead. The One who was there at creation, who owns all things, was crucified outside the city gates as a common criminal. His death brought life to all who believe.

I’m thankful that leadership is more than what I thought it was as a child. Even more, I’m thankful for mentors who encourage and equip me in my own leadership, who set Christ-like examples for me. And I’m thankful for the Spirit who uses this ordinary cracked vessel to display his glory, in spite of my weaknesses. He enables me to do things I never thought I was capable of. To him be the glory!