For Those Who are Weak

This year has brought with it new opportunities and experiences for me. The Lord has provided a role for me on the national women’s ministry team for the PCA. I also took my first seminary class in January at RTS. I’ve had more opportunities to write and speak than ever before. I’m amazed at the Lord’s provision for these things. I’m excited about them and look forward to participating in them.

But at the same time, my weakness is ever before me.

To be honest, I wavered over the decision to register for seminary. When I finished graduate school in 2002, I said I’d never go back to school. Never say never, as they say! But part of me wonders, can I handle learning something new at my age? Will I even understand what I am learning? Can I perform at the level of the other, much younger students?

I feel my weakness in the other opportunities as well. I see all the areas in which I am lacking. I feel insufficient and unprepared. I fear letting people down, making mistakes, and being found out as an interloper. A fake. A fraud.

This semester, my kids and I have been reading and discussing the book of Exodus (we’re using Kristen Hatton’s book, The Gospel-Centered Life in Exodus). I see myself in Moses. God visited Moses in the wilderness where he had fled after killing an Egyptian. He told Moses he would use him to rescue the Israelite’s from slavery in Egypt. Like me, Moses had lots of questions. Why me? Who am I? Don’t you know my weaknesses? And most importantly: Who are you?

When I give my children instructions and they respond with questions and say “Why do I have to do it?” or “I can’t because _____” or “I’m not ready,” I’m not so gracious. But God met Moses’ questions with grace. He met him with his very self. God told Moses all he needed to know. “God said to Moses, ‘I AM WHO I AM.’ And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.’” (Exodus 3:14-15).

The most common name for God in Scripture is LORD, written in all capital letters in our Bible. It is YHWH, which we pronounce Yahweh. The Jews had such reverence for this name of God, they never said it out loud; instead they used the name, Adonai.

It is this name, Yahweh, that's used in Exodus 3 when God tells Moses his name. It’s an important passage because God is defining himself for Moses. He is telling Moses he has always existed and is not dependent upon anyone else. In Hebrew, the word is in the future tense, “I will be what I will be.” God is not a created being; he has always existed. John Calvin wrote concerning this name, “he claims for himself eternity as peculiar to God alone, in order that he may be honored according to his dignity… that our minds may be filled with admiration as often as his incomprehensible essence is mentioned.” God doesn’t rely on anything outside himself to keep and sustain him, as we do. This name also tells us that God is unchangeable; he always is and always was. It was also this name, Yahweh, I AM, that Jesus used in response to the Jews in John 8: "Jesus said to them, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am'" (v. 58).

Calvin also wrote that knowing God’s name gave Moses confidence in his calling: “Wherefore, in order rightly to apprehend the one God, we must first know, that all things in heaven and earth derive at His will their essence, or subsistence from One, who only truly is. From this Being all power is derived; because, if God sustains all things by his excellency, he governs them also at his will. And how would it have profited Moses to gaze upon the secret essence of God, as if it were shut up in heaven, unless, being assured of his omnipotence, he had obtained from thence the buckler of his confidence? Therefore God teaches him that He alone is worthy of the most holy name, which is profaned when improperly transferred to others; and then sets forth his inestimable excellency, that Moses may have no doubt of overcoming all things under his guidance.” 

When I think about my own callings, knowing who God is gives me confidence and peace. Like Moses, I can’t do anything apart from God. I don’t have what it takes within me. I don’t have the wisdom, strength, or experience. But when God calls, he enables. He gives what is needed to accomplish his will. He meets us where we are with all that we need. He meets us with himself. And as he provided Moses with a staff and the support of his brother Aaron, he gives us gifts and the Body of Christ so that we are equipped to carry out our callings.

I am weak indeed. But just as God used Moses—in spite of his weaknesses—so that his glory might be displayed, I know he can do the same in me.

Sufficient in our Insufficiency

I have a confession. I don't like weakness. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't like not knowing how to do something. I don't like feeling incapable. I don't like being insufficient.

To make matters worse, there are many areas of my life where I find myself feeling weak, helpless, and incapable: motherhood, homeschooling, ministry, marriage, and friendship.  I have several new projects and ministry opportunities I am working on this year and while I am excited about each of them, I am also overwhelmed by my insufficiency. I lack wisdom, strength, and experience. 

And while I'm being honest, I might as well admit that I feel most weak, incapable, and insufficient about my first book coming out this spring. Sometimes, I'm downright terrified about it. You may think it strange to be terrified about such an exciting event. Many writers compare writing a book to having a child and that's how I feel--excited but also terrified. 

Have you ever been in a place where you simply don't know what to do? Or feel inadequate? Perhaps you've been given a great responsibility and you know you don't have it in you to accomplish it. The task looms large and impossible before you. Failure seems certain.  

If you are in a similar place as I, where you feel the depths of your insufficiency, the gospel speaks right to our problem. It reminds us that yes, we are insufficient, but Christ was sufficient for us when he lived a perfect life in our place. It reminds us that he took the wrath of God that we deserved when he bore all our sins on the cross. Through faith in Christ, God looks at us and doesn't see our insufficiency. He sees Christ's sufficiency instead. So we are sufficient in our insufficiency because Christ was sufficient for us.

But that's not the end of the good news. God is at work, even now, making us increasingly sufficient and capable. He is working in us, through all our weaknesses, and making us useful for his Kingdom purposes. God did not save us because we were sufficient on our own and he doesn't use us because we are already capable.  

Unlike applying for a job where you have to present the necessary skills and experience to get the job, with God, he doesn't use people who are already experienced and capable. Moses was not a natural born leader. David was the youngest of all his brothers. Mary was not the natural choice to mother a King. Uneducated Peter was an unlikely candidate to start the church. But in God's unexpected and upside down Kingdom, he uses the weak and helpless and makes them capable and sufficient. As God works in us, people don't see our strength and wisdom but the strength and wisdom of God through us. And God gets the glory. 

The wonder of God's grace is that we have everything we need to do what God has called us to. "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire" (2 Peter 1:3-4). "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Corinthians 12:9). This means that when God calls us to a task, he gives us everything we need to accomplish it through Christ. 

So being in a place where we feel insufficient, incapable, and weak is exactly where we need to be. We don't have to fear being there. We don't have to fear not knowing what to do because we have everything we need in Christ. He is our sufficiency both in our salvation and in our sanctification. And he has promised to finish the work he started in us (Philippians 1:6, 1 Corinthians 1:8). 

In my own life, as I consider the tasks before me, I don't have to despair over my weaknesses. I don't have to worry about completing the tasks God has given me. Instead, I can rest knowing that Christ is sufficient for me. Like Paul, I can even boast in my weakness, knowing that God will get the glory. Whatever God calls me to this year, he will make me capable. Through Christ, I am sufficient in my insufficiency.

And so are you.