What Are You Assuming?

Have you ever been in a crowd and couldn't help but overhear someone else's conversation? Perhaps you were in line at a store and heard a parent admonish their child. Or maybe you were in a booth at a restaurant and overheard a couple arguing. We've all found ourselves at one time or another as a fly on the wall, where we couldn't help but listen to a private conversation.

As an outsider, it's easy in such situations to see exactly where someone else's conversation derailed and crashed. When we're not part of the conversation, we can pinpoint where one person's comments made the other person defensive or where both people completely passed each other in understanding what the other meant. 

While it is easier to see the routes other people take that bring their conversations off course, it doesn't mean we can't learn to identify errors in our own. In fact, the more we develop insight into our conversations with others, the better our communication will be.  

One area we should be on the lookout for is the assumptions we make in our conversations. We all come to our conversations with previous assumptions and we respond to one another out of those assumptions. Often, those assumptions lead to derailment in our communication with one another. 

What are some of those assumptions?...to read the rest of this post, visit For the Family, my writing home for today.

A Prayer for the Heart's of Our Children

As a young mom, I was eager to find parenting advice and help. I read dozens of books, consulted other parents, and quizzed the pediatrician. I was certain there was something out there I hadn't yet tried. And while some of the advice proved useful, most days I simply faced parenting challenges empty-handed and helpless.

Friends of mine and I now joke that when other moms ask us what they should do with their parenting dilemmas, we say we have no idea. After all these years parenting, we've got nothing. In some ways, we are cynical; in others, realistic. The truth is, parenthood is humbling. It brings us all to our knees. We realize raising children is not a math problem we can solve with a simple formula.

These days, I turn to prayer more and more. I cry out to the Lord for help and hope. I ask him for wisdom in my parenting and above all, to work in my children's lives and hearts. 

Perhaps you are facing your own season of helplessness in parenthood. Perhaps you've sought advice, read all the books, and tried each and every solution and method. There are many helpful tips for parenting and certainly many good things we can and should do for our children. Certainly, they need a healthy diet, physical activity, and rest. They need structure and routine, clear rules and consequences. But ultimately, what our children need most is the Spirit to work in their hearts. 

Here's a prayer I have often prayed for my own children, perhaps it can provide encouragement for your own prayers.

A Prayer for the Heart's of Our Children

Father in Heaven,

You are my Father. What a privilege it is to call you that! Through faith in Christ, I have been adopted as your child. I have all the rights and benefits of being part of your family. I can come to you at all times and in all places and tell you what's on my heart. Thank you for making that possible through the death of your Son.

I come to you now with a burdened heart. A weary heart. A heavy heart. Parenting is hard. Just when I think I know what I'm doing, something changes and I need to learn something new. Some days I wonder if I'll ever feel confident in my parenting. But maybe that's the point. Maybe I'm not supposed to be confident in my methods and strategies. Maybe those methods aren't supposed to always "work." Maybe parenting is supposed to keep me on my toes because instead of trusting in what I am doing as a parent, I need to trust in you. Maybe parenting is hard so that I would learn to depend and rely upon you and your Spirit at work in my life and in the life of my children.

Father, I bring my children before you. They are covenant children and enjoy all the rich benefits of being a part of the church, of hearing the word preached each week, of having other adults pour into their lives, of learning and memorizing your word. I pray you would ratify the covenant in them. Bring them from death to life by the power of your Spirit. Open their minds and hearts to see their need for Jesus. Convict them of sin and draw them to repentance. Help them to love you with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength. Be at work in them, refining and shaping them into the image of Christ. Protect their minds and hearts from evil and may they never know a day when they did not know you as Lord of their lives. May Jesus be their greatest treasure.

I pray for my parenting decisions and responses. Help me to parent out of your wisdom. Help me to seek your glory. Help me to speak the truth in love, point my children to Christ, teach and discipline them according to your word, and love them as you have loved me. Help me not to fret, worry, or fear. Help me not to despair. Help me not to react. Instead, help me to trust and rest in you and the power of the gospel at work in me. Help me to be quick to repent, slow to anger, and generous with love and affection. 

Good things happen while we wait. It took time for these precious souls to be knitted in the womb and what joy I felt at their arrival. May I be patient as I wait for the work you are doing in their hearts. Help me to watch with hope and trust. Help me to see and trace the evidence of your grace at work in their hearts. Help me to glory in your goodness and faithfulness in Christ.

Please hear all these cries of my heart. Because of and through Jesus I pray, Amen.

From "What if?" to "Even if"

Have you ever been in a conversation with a friend and started out talking about one thing and before you knew it, you were on a completely unrelated topic? You both paused and asked each other, "What were we even talking about?" 

It's easy in a conversation to follow trails that take us far from where we started. This is true in our thought life as well. One thought leads to another and then to another, just like the rabbit trails our conversations take. While such trails are often amusing in our conversations with friends, in our thought life, it's not always funny. Sometimes, our thoughts take us down dark trails that lead us far from the truth. One such dark trail is the "What if?" trail.

What If?...

Have you been down the "what if?" trail? It's the one that starts with a worrisome thought. That thought leads to another and before you know it, you are up all night thinking through all the potential catastrophe's that could happen. Here's a "what if?" trail I often traveled when my kids were younger: First, I heard my child cough in the other room. I immediately thought, "What if that's a cold?" Then I continued down the trail. "What if it becomes a bad cold? What if it triggers his asthma? What if we can't get the asthma under control? What if it's not a cold but an infection? This will be the sixth infection in eight months. What if the doctor decides he needs surgery? What if...?" And on it went until my stomach was twisted in knots.  

While this scenario was about a child being sick, in truth, anything we fear can drag us down the "what if?" trail. The loss of a job. Conflict in a relationship. A failure of some kind. The unknown future. Our minds zero in on those things and consider all the possible outcomes. We expect and anticipate the worst. We plot and plan ways to take control of what we fear might happen. Before we know it, the "what if?" trail has led us farther and farther away from joy and peace.

For those of us who often travel this trail, we hate its pull on us. We long to face the challenges and fears of life with confidence and hope. We desire to walk in the light of peace, rather than the darkness of fear. We want our "what if's?" to become "even if."

From "What if? to "Even If"

That's what I love about the Psalms. The writers of these Hebrew poems knew the worries and fears of life. They felt deep and profound fear and voiced those fears to God. They described their emotions in vivid words and metaphors. But they didn't end there. In the midst of their fears, the writers focused on who God is and what he has done. They reminded themselves that God alone was their hope and salvation. 

The truth is, worries and fears will be always be with us. We live in a fallen world where bad things happen. There are legitimate things to fear. But we are not without hope in the midst of those fears. We have an anchor to cling to. Our fears do not have the final say. Though we wander down the "what if?" trail, the light of God's truth leads us back.

In Psalm 27, David had enemies who wished him harm, "false witnesses have risen against me, and they breathe out violence" (v.12). For those who have read of David's life, we know that many enemies pursued him and wanted him dead—King Saul being one. David was on the run many times from those who hated him. He certainly knew fear. Yet this psalm is one of confidence in the God who is light and salvation. David wrote, "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" (v.1).

In this psalm, David turned to God for help and hope. He cried out, "Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, 'Seek my face.' My heart says to you, 'Your face, LORD, do I seek.' Hide not your face from me." (v. 7-9).

David had confidence in who God is. He knew God was his deliverer and the source of his salvation. He rested in God's goodness. Rather than "what if?" David asserted, "even if." "Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident" (v.3). He was confident in who God was for him, so much so, he could say, "even if." Even if his enemies gathered all around him, he would trust in the Lord.

This is true for our hearts as well. A Christian's confidence is grounded in who God is and not in who we are. Our confidence in the midst of fear isn't about our own strength or our own wisdom. It's not about what we can do, but about what God has done. Out of his rich love and grace, God sent his Son to face our greatest fear—eternal separation from God. Jesus Christ bore our sins on the cross, redeemed us from our captivity, and brought us back into right relationship with God. As the Apostle Paul reminds us, if God can save you from your sins, how can he not help you with whatever is going on in your life right now? (see Romans 8:32). This grace is so amazing and so wondrous that it overwhelms fear. We can't help but respond in worship—even in the face of fearful circumstances. That's what David did: "And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the LORD" (v. 6). The fearful circumstances in David's life didn't go away, but he knew God was for him and so he rejoiced. 

David had a holy fear of the Lord. He loved God. He enjoyed fellowship with him. His greatest treasure was being known by God. He sought shelter and safety in his presence. "One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock" (vv. 4-5). Because David was on the run, he could not go to the temple, the place of worship for God's people and the place of God's presence. On this side of the cross, because of Jesus, we have full and unhindered access to God. His presence is no longer in a temple on Mount Moriah, but within God's people. At all times and in all places, our God is with us. Isn't that amazing? The God of the universe, the One who flung the stars across the heavens, lives in our hearts. He will never leave us or forsake us. This truth gives us great courage in the face of our worries and fears.

Psalm 27 ends with David's encouragement, "Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!" (v. 14) Generations waited the promised Messiah and their longing was fulfilled in Christ. Dear friends, let us wait on the Lord's deliverance from all our fears with courage. He is faithful; he will deliver us. He alone is our help and hope. He has proven himself over and over. We can trust him, so much so, that in Christ our "what if's?" become "even if."

3 Things to Do in Your Waiting

I spend much of my life waiting for something: for the light to change, for a response to my text or email, for the nurse to call my name. I wait for hard things, like answers to blood tests and for good things, like a vacation to start. I wait for dreams to come true and for answered prayers. 

In many ways, the Christian life is one of waiting. We live in the in-between, a time between Christ's ascension and his promised return. We wait for Christ to come and make all things new. We wait for his glory to be revealed and his promises fulfilled. We wait for eternity where we will live forever worshiping our Savior.

Waiting is hard because we are impatient by nature. We want to speed things up and make things happen. We want things to take place on our time table. We look at waiting as wasted time—time we could be using for other things. We can't see waiting as productive and important in and of itself.  We treat it like a no-man's land, a purgatory of sorts between where we've been and where we want to go. 

Yet the Bible encourages waiting and sees it as a good thing, particularly a specific kind of waiting: waiting on the Lord. "The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD" (Lamentations 3:25-26). "From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him" (Isaiah 64:4).

Waiting doesn't mean not doing anything. It doesn't necessarily entail idleness or sitting still. In the Bible, waiting is a posture of the heart. It's a humble reliance upon the One who rules all things and holds all things together. It's living out the knowledge that God is good and faithful and will always be so. Biblical waiting requires hope and trust in our steadfast God.

In the passage above from Lamentations, waiting is described as "the soul who seeks him." This means there is work to be done in our waiting, important work.

What can we do in our waiting?

Wait in Prayer: As we wait on the Lord to move in our lives and in those around us, we seek him in prayer. Whatever we are waiting for—healing, restoration, provision, rescue—we cry out to the Lord in prayer. The Psalms of Lament are prayers of waiting for God to come to the rescue, whether for an individual or for God's people as a whole. These prayers are one's we can model and pray ourselves. And we don't just pray once, we pray repeatedly, telling the Lord our troubles, seeking his help, and responding to him with trust and praise. 

Watch with Hope: We also watch for God to move. We wait with expectation. While God may not answer our prayers in the exact way we request, we know he is faithful. We know he loves us in Christ and he will do all for his glory and our good. So we wait with anticipatory hope. We look for his glory in our life. We look for his providential hand at work in all things. We trace his grace in all the details of our days, from the littlest things to the biggest. Like a child on Christmas Eve who can't fall asleep, excited for Christmas morning, we wait for our Father with hope.  

Wonder with Joy: As we pray and watch for God's work, we wonder and marvel at his grace. We are his children, chosen in Christ before the creation of world. Through the blood of the Son, we are made holy, set apart for good works. We have a Father who cares about all the details of our lives, down to the number of hairs on our head. He knows what we need before we ask it. We have the down payment of our inheritance through the Spirit living within us, who comforts, guides, teaches, and exhorts us in righteousness. For all this and more, we wait in joy, because we know the One for whom we wait. 

Waiting is hard. But good things happen in our hearts when we wait on the Lord. As we draw near to him in prayer, seeking him as our refuge, and watching for him to move, we can't help but wonder at his generous grace for us. As you wait on the Lord today, know that your waiting is not wasted time. It's not in vain. For you wait on the God who rules the universe and the One who has proven his faithfulness to you in Christ. So pray. Watch. And wonder. 

Depression and the Need for Community

I don't often remember the details of conversations with people. It would be nice if I did. Then I'd not be so surprised when my husband leaves for ten days of business. ("Don't you remember? I told you I'd be gone on an extended trip.") Actually, no, I don't remember, because I can't even remember what I did yesterday...

But there is one conversation I do remember. It's one that still haunts me. And I remember it in great detail.

I went to see my midwife for my visit following the birth of my first child. I had numerous health problems after the delivery, and hoped she would help me resolve them. I can still picture the room, where I sat, and my son asleep in his carrier on the floor.

She looked at me with concern and said, "I wonder if you might be suffering from postpartum depression."

In my mind, I thought: This is not depression. I know depression. I've diagnosed it and treated people for it. This is fatigue and stress.

I shook my head and said, "I'm just exhausted. And stressed. I need to get my health problems under control. That's all it is."

Almost ten months later, I watched a show on television where a woman described her experience with postpartum depression and with tears streaming down my face, I whispered aloud, "That's me."

I called my doctor the next day.

Depression is insidious like that. It hides itself behind circumstances and experiences. It can mask itself as anger or stress or grief. It remains in the shadows until it's become such a part of us, we don't remember when we didn't feel that way. Like the proverbial frog slipped into slowly warming water that eventually comes to a boil, depression creeps up on us, until we can't remember the last time we felt joy.

With my second pregnancy, I told my doctor right away of my history and we prepared for its return after the birth. And it did return, with a vengeance. But the second time around, I told people about my struggle. I reached out for community. I knew I was in the thick of it and that I needed people to walk with me in it. And they did. Sweet sisters in Christ, the pastor of my church, and my family all ministered to me in various and important ways. (I share more about my struggles in A Heart Set Free).

For those who struggle with depression, we need other people. We need those who know us well enough to spot the water boiling, who recognize that something isn't right. We need the church to love, support, and serve us. We need the body of believers to carry us through the darkness until the sun shines again.

How can the church community help those with depression?

• They can help by knowing one another. When we know each other beyond the simple, "Hi. How are you? How was your week?" then we'll know when someone is struggling. We'll notice when they've missed church. We'll see the fatigue and sadness etched across their face. When we take the time to know one another well in the church, we'll know when one part of the body is suffering, because we'll feel it too. 
• They can help by serving in practical ways. When someone is depressed, there are many practical details of life that are hard to do. Fellow brothers and sisters in Christ can volunteer to babysit. They can prepare meals. They can drive their friend to the doctor or counselor. They can take over ministry duties for a while. In these ways and more, the church can serve the hurting.
• They can be present. The church ought not shy away from or abandon the hurting, nor should the church fear the depressed person's emotions. They don't have to know what to say or how to make the depression go away. But they can be there for their depressed brother or sister. They can listen. They shouldn't say pithy statements about how they'll feel better if they pray or read the Bible more. People who are hurting don't need advice. They don't need a spiritual to-do list. They don't even need theology lesson. Rather, they need to know they are loved and cared for. 
• They can encourage and help their friend get the care they need. The church can encourage the hurting to get help from a wise counselor and seek a medical evaluation. They can offer to drive and/or accompany them to their appointments. And they can remind them that even the giants of faith in church history have struggled with depression (such as C.H. Spurgeon). 
• They can remind them of the Man of Sorrows. This is something my pastor did for me. He helped me lift my eyes to see Christ, the One who knows what life is like in this sin-stained world. Jesus took on our frail human flesh and lived a life of poverty, sorrow, and pain. He knew temptation, grief, abandonment, fear, and rejection. He cared about the suffering of my life so much so that he entered into it, living the perfect life I could not live, dying the death I deserved, and rising from the dead so that I would have life eternal. Jesus Christ, the Man of Sorrows, is my hope both now and in the future. For me, this truth brought light to dark places.
• They can be patient. Some people struggle with depression for long seasons. Some battle with it their entire lives. It's important that the church sticks with them. It's not like getting over a cold. As the church, we need to patiently walk beside the hurting as long as it takes.

Depression is lonely. It's isolating. It's also deceptive. Those who suffer with depression need the body of Christ to walk alongside them, lifting them up when they can't do so for themselves. May we be believers who know when someone in the church is hurting and care enough to journey with them in the darkness. After all, it's what Jesus did for us. How can we do no less?

Praying for Eyes That See

My husband returned home from work one evening and asked the kids how their day went.

One of my boys came up to him and said, "God answered our prayer!"

He and I had prayed about a little thing. A detail. We prayed for God's to work out the kid's sport's schedule so that it would be manageable and easier on the family. And he answered it right away.

A Prayer for Eyes that See

John Piper once wrote, "God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them." It's true, I am aware of little that God does in my life. I certainly notice the prayers he hasn't yet answered. I am well aware of the hard struggles in my day for which I find no relief. I even notice the heavy worry that weighs down my heart over the uncertain future.

But as I learn and grow in my prayer life, I've been asking God to show me more of those 10,000 things. I've asked him to show me more of his glory, his amazing grace toward me, and the way he works in all the details of my life.  

This isn't a strange prayer to pray. It's what the Psalmist prayed, "Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things" (Psalm 119:18). It's also what Paul prayed for the Ephesians, "that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe" (Ephesians 1:17-19). 

My prayer journal is filled with the cries of my heart. I write out pages and pages of my worries and fears, griefs and sorrows. Each day, I pen my confession of sin and express my desperate need for God's grace to cleanse me with the blood of Christ. Included on those pages are also my requests for all those things I want God to do in my life and in the life of others. Whether it is for healing or provision, restoration or salvation, I ask God to work and move in my life and in the life of others.

I can look back in my journals and see the ways God has answered my prayers over the years. As I flip through the pages of time, I am thankful for all he has done. I can see how he has not failed to provide for my family. I can see his steadfast faithfulness and daily provisions of grace.

But the answered prayer that always blows me away the most, is the prayer that I would have eyes to see his glory.

Just as his glory is wide and expansive, so too is this prayer vast in its desire and hope. This prayer asks that I would be amazed and wonder-filled at who he is and what he has done. It is a prayer that I would see God as God and myself as dependent upon his grace. It is a prayer that I would see more and more of that grace at work in my life and in the life of others. It is a prayer that I would see his sovereign hand at work in all things, from the small details to the big. It is a prayer that I would notice and be able to see more and more of those 10,000 things.

I want my eyes opened to catch his glory. 

Because the truth is, God is always watching and working. Not a bird falls to the ground apart from God's will. Even all the hairs on our head are numbered (Matthew 10:29-30). He is in control of every detail of our lives from the grand acts of healing down to the parking spot we find at the front of the grocery store. From the sun that shines overhead, to the soft pillow we rest on at night, to the people we encounter each day, God directs each and every event in our lives.

Even in my kid's sports practice schedule. 

Rejoicing in the Wonder

It doesn't end with just seeing. As I see more of his glory, then I can sing his praises and testify to others of what he has done. As the psalmist wrote, "I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds" (Psalm 77:12). "Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works!" (Psalm 105:2). Each day, as I ponder his works and meditate on what he has done, I sing his praises, rejoicing in all his works, both the grand and the small. I thank him for his steadfast love and that he cares for even the minutest details of my day. I dwell on even the hard things and thank him for his perfect discipline, shaping me to be more like his Son. And I share with others around me the amazing ways he works, testifying to his glory and grace.

This prayer is one God has not failed to answer. I am humbled and knocked to my knees as I see how much he loves and cares, provides and protects. Indeed, the more I watch and wait to see him work, the more I see of his wonder and glory. And the more I rejoice. Like the disciples who saw Jesus' glory in calming the wind and rain and said, "Who is this that even the wind and rain obey him?" I stand in awe and think, "Who is this that cares for even me?"