3 Reasons We Need IRL Friendships

I have many friends through social media. I enjoy looking at their photos and engaging with them on their posts. I enjoy sharing common interests with them, especially those interests none of my IRL (in real life) friends share. Some I've met in person, other's I'll likely never meet. Of some of these friends, I've thought, "I wish I lived closer to her, I bet we'd make the best of friends."

There are many benefits to the relationships we have online. In the context of social media, it's easy to find like-minded people who share the same beliefs, perspectives, and experiences as we do. For those who often feel isolated and different from others in their community, the connections they make online is like a respite from their everyday. Sometimes it's easier to share with online friends the heartaches and trials we are going through than it is with our neighbors, co-workers, friends, and family. We often receive immediate encouragement and feedback to something we post. We can reach out anytime, anywhere and someone will likely respond. Yet as beneficial as online friendships are, these friendships can't fill all our needs for community. There are some needs only a face to face, IRL friend can meet. 

An online friend can't be physically present for us.

An online friend can't be present for us in our suffering. They might be able to send a heart-felt message or post encouraging words for us. They might pray for us. But they can't be there with us in the muck and mire of hardship, suffering, and sorrow. They can't sit beside us in the dust and ashes of our grief. They can't walk with us in the days and weeks following a heartbreak or tragedy. They can't give us a hug.

Physical presence is important in friendship. The Apostle Paul corresponded with a number of churches in his ministry and while he was able to exhort and encourage them through written words in his letters, he also desired to see them in person. "For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you— that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine" (Romans 1:11-12). To have a friend we can count on to be with us face to face, is a real gift and one we can't take for granted. The level of encouragement we receive in person is richer and far deeper than a text, email, message, or post can ever be. 

An online friend can't know us the way IRL friendships can.

As much as we might share with others on social media, as much as we might enjoy our interactions with those friends, and as much as we might have in common, those friends can never know us the way IRL friendships know us. Online friends don't see the real us in our living rooms or at the kitchen table. They don't know our family and see the interactions we have with our spouse or children or other family members. They can't walk into our home and sense that something is wrong because the bills are piled high on the counter or the fridge is empty or the laundry hasn't been folded in a week. Real life friendships read the subtle physical cues such as body language, eye contact, and tone of voice. They can see the sadness in our eyes and hear the fatigue in our voice. They can feel conflict in the air between us and our spouse or the tension with our children. They know when we need to laugh or cry, when we need advice or exhortation, when we need to have fun or just sit quietly with a cup of tea.  

There is so much more to knowing someone than just knowing facts about them. Truly knowing someone involves years of walking beside them in the ups and downs of life. It's having a shared history and viewing their present through that history. It's seeing God's work in their lives through trials and joys and being able to remind them of how far he's brought them. While an online friend can know a lot about us, IRL friends know us at a deeper level.

An online friend cannot serve us.

When we are sick, an online friend can't show up at our door with soup. When we need someone to watch our kids so we can run to the store or go to an appointment, an online friend cannot help us. When our car breaks down, we can't call an online friend to come to our aid. IRL friendships are able to serve us. They can meet our physical needs. They can drop everything and show up when we need them most. This is where we see Acts 2 lived out in our lives--when the early church shared what they had with one another. It's often in serving one another where deep bonds are formed. Acts of service become part of our shared history and one we can't forget. It's where we learn who we can really count on in times of trouble.

God provides us friendships in many contexts. We all have friends who live far away. Most of us have virtual friends. But we also need IRL friends. We need face to face friendships, people who know us, the real us. Keep your online friendships and enjoy them. But don't forsake or underestimate the importance of IRL friendships. 

In Days Like These

I don't know about you, but I am often troubled by watching the news. When I scroll through social media and read the headlines, I sometimes feel downright queasy. Whether I read about disturbing political events in our nation and around the world, or shocking stories from within the church, I am left overwhelmed. It often feels like the earth is shifting under my feet. Everything seems uncertain, topsy-turvey, and inside-out.

It's hard not to feel confused. Angry. Frightened. Unsafe. In days like these it's important to look away from what's happening around us and beyond to see the bigger picture.

In John's day, Christian's faced persecution from the Roman Empire. The church seemed small and weak in comparison. And the persecution would only get worse. He wrote the book of Revelation to show them the world as it really is and to give them the big picture of our conquering King and the glory to come. 

"After this I looked, and behold, a door standing open in heaven! And the first voice, which I had heard speaking to me like a trumpet, said, “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this.” At once I was in the Spirit, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with one seated on the throne. And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald. Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and seated on the thrones were twenty-four elders, clothed in white garments, with golden crowns on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning, and rumblings and peals of thunder, and before the throne were burning seven torches of fire, which are the seven spirits of God, and before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal.

And around the throne, on each side of the throne, are four living creatures, full of eyes in front and behind...and day and night they never cease to say,

“Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty,
who was and is and is to come!” (Revelation 4).

When all we see is sin and darkness all around us, we need a fresh reminder of the holiness of God. We need to remember the One who sits enthroned above all other rule and authority, who rules and reigns over the universe. This One determines the course of history and turns the hearts of kings like water. Our thrice holy God has always been and will always be. 

For the early church, and for us as well, we need to remember our King, the Lion of the Tribe of Judah, the Lamb who was slain:

"And I saw a mighty angel proclaiming with a loud voice, “Who is worthy to open the scroll and break its seals?” And no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth was able to open the scroll or to look into it, and I began to weep loudly because no one was found worthy to open the scroll or to look into it. And one of the elders said to me, “Weep no more; behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has conquered, so that he can open the scroll and its seven seals.”

And between the throne and the four living creatures and among the elders I saw a Lamb standing, as though it had been slain, with seven horns and with seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth... And when he had taken the scroll, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb...And they sang a new song, saying,

“Worthy are you to take the scroll
and to open its seals,
for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God
from every tribe and language and people and nation,
and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God,
and they shall reign on the earth.” (Revelation 5)

When it seems like evil is winning and the church is fractured and everything is upside down, we need a reminder like John gave those early Christians. We need to remember our Savior rules from on high, that he conquered sin and death, and that he will come to judge the earth and make all things new. 

The book of Revelation is important to turn to in days like these. It remind us of what's really going on and gives us hope that all is not lost. Evil has not won. The church, though weak and small at times, will never be destroyed. Because there is One who is worthy: Jesus Christ. He is the Messiah who came to fulfill all God's purposes and plans. He is both a mighty lion and a sacrificial lamb. He won the battle and reigns in triumph. And he is moving redemptive history forward to its culmination when all things will be made right, when sin and sorrow are no more. 

It's no wonder all of heaven bursts into song: 

“Worthy is the Lamb who was slain,
to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might
and honor and glory and blessing!”

So when the latest news gives you pause or even makes you want to run for the hills, open the Word and remember our thrice holy God who sits upon the throne of the universe. Let your heart rejoice and sing, "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!”

Who are You Imitating?

I recently took a teen from my discipleship group on a tour of my alma mater. We listened to a professor speak on the purpose of attending college. He said, “Your professors willinfluence and shape you, so you need to ask yourself, Are my professors people I want to be like?”

It’s true; we often become like the people we’re around. Even if we don’t know them personally, we’ll often model ourselves after people we admire. Whether we copy fashion choices after a Hollywood starlet or adopt a famous preacher’s teaching style or take on the beliefs and attitudes of our parents, we mimic and imitate others.

The question is, who are we mimicking? And are those the people we ought to mimic?

Holy Mimicry

The apostle Paul wrote a letter to the Philippian church, encouraging them in their faith. They were the first church he planted in Europe, and they played an active role in his ministry, even supporting him financially when other churches would not.

Compared to other churches, the church at Philippi was healthy. Even so, Paul did not want them to give up their progress. He wanted them to push forward and continue to grow and mature in their faith. And he exhorts them to do this by imitation.

One of the themes throughout the letter is Paul’s call for the church to imitate the godly: “Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us” (Phil. 3:17). He held up Timothy, as well as Epaphroditus (who was delivering the letter), as models worthy of imitation:

I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, so that I too maybe cheered by news of you. For I have no one like him, who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare. For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know Timothy’s proven worthy, how as a son with a father he has served with me in the gospel. (Phil. 2:19–22)

Of Epaphroditus he says, “So receive him in the Lord with all joy, and honor such men” (Phil. 2:29). Epaphroditus is worthy of honor, as are men like him.

Paul assumes we will mimic and imitate others...

To read the rest of this post, visit The Gospel Coalition.

This is Love

Has the gospel changed you? That’s a question the Apostle John wants his readers to ask themselves. Throughout 1 John, the apostle testifies to various truths of the gospel and the subsequent changes it has on our lives. The gospel is more than just something we believe in when we come to faith in Christ. It’s more than a truth we assent to. The gospel of Jesus’ saving grace for us in his life, death, and resurrection, does something to us; it changes us. Because we are united to Christ by faith and have the Holy Spirit living within us, we are no longer the same. We are transformed. And one of the ways the gospel transforms us is in our love for one another.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:7-8).

To read the rest of this post, visit Servant's of Grace.

The Privilege of Prayer

A quick glance at my home library and I see that I own at least a dozen books on prayer. It's not surprising. Prayer, while a simple thing in many ways, is also at the same time challenging for us.

Consider the disciples who grew up praying in the synagogue. Even though they had likely prayed their whole life and probably knew certain prayers in the Bible by heart (such as those in the Psalms), they asked Jesus to teach them how to pray. Perhaps they saw how he withdrew from them on a regular basis to seek his Father in prayer. Perhaps they heard him pray, not in rote memorization, but in belief, trust, and confidence. Perhaps they witnessed firsthand the results of his prayers. Whatever their reasons for asking, Jesus did teach them to pray by giving them what we call the The Lord's Prayer:

"Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.a
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil." (Matthew 6:9-13)

For many believers, The Lord's Prayer is something we can recite in our sleep. Many of us learned it as child in Sunday School. Some of us say it in church every Sunday. It's also a prayer that forms and shapes our personal prayers—using it as a model to help us include the important elements of prayer such as praise, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. 

Sometimes, when we know something so well, we take it for granted. We recite it without paying attention to the words. We overlook its meaning and significance. When that happens, we need a fresh reminder of why we say it to begin with.

In the case of The Lord's Prayer, do we know how significant it is that we get to pray that first line, Our Father in Heaven? Do we understand the privilege of coming before God as our Father and laying our requests before him?

God Our Father

Through faith in Jesus' perfect life, sacrificial death, and triumphant resurrection, we are saved from sin. We are justified. God looks at what Christ has done for us and declares us righteous. This is a legal act. Upon our salvation, we are also brought into right relationship with God. We are adopted into his family, the church. This adoption concerns our relationship with God. Because of Jesus' sacrifice, we can "with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).

When Jesus referred to God as Father in this prayer, it is translated as Abba. It was the name Jewish children used to refer to their fathers. Some compare it to our own children referring to their father as "Daddy." Because of our adoption as God's children, we get to pray Our Father. Just as our children can run to their own Daddy when they are hurt, curl in his lap and find rest and comfort, praying Our Father means the same for us. It is an intimate, familiar, and familial reference. It denotes trust, security, and love. In praying, Our Father, it reminds us of God's great love for us. "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God" (1 John 3:1). 

To pray Our Father means that we have a familial relationship with the God of the universe. The One who flung the stars across the sky, who holds the earth in the palm of his hand, who controls the wind and mighty oceans, is our Abba. He cares about every detail of our lives, down to the number of hairs on our head. He hears our every cry and knows our every need—before we even speak it.

J.I. Packer asserts that adoption "is the highest privilege that the gospel offers." He wrote in Knowing God, "Adoption is a family idea, conceived in terms of love, and viewing God as father. In adoption, God takes us into his family and fellowship—he establishes us as his children and heirs. Closeness, affection and generosity are at the heart of the relationship." 

Our Father in Heaven

Jesus didn't simply pray, Our Father, he qualified it with, "in heaven." This phrase tells us that our Father is in heaven. It reminds us that God isn't just any father, he is also the Sovereign God who rules and reigns from his throne above. "The Lord has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all" (Psalm 103:19). This means he is far above and beyond any earthly father. He is a father who is holy, perfect, right, and true.

For those who can't help but think of their fallen relationships with their earthly father, this prayer reminds us that our Father is in heaven. He is nothing like our human fathers. He will never forsake us. He will never leave us, fail us, or reject us. So as we pray to our Heavenly Father, we can trust that he hears us, he loves us, and he is for us. "What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:11-14)

Because our Father is in Heaven, it also means he owns all things. He is the source of all we have. He determines our length of days and gives us life, breath, and health. All of creation is dependent upon him. "He covers the heavens with clouds; he prepares rain for the earth; he makes grass grow on the hills. He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens that cry" (Psalm 147:8-9). Each and every day, we wake up sustained by God's power and grace. When we pray Our Father in Heaven, we ought to respond in wonder and praise that the God of the universe hears our prayers.  

Prayer is a privilege. How amazing it is that we get to come into our Father's presence! When we pray the The Lord's Prayer, may we take time to dwell on what it means to pray Our Father. May it remind us of our adoption into God's family and cause us to rejoice at God's generous and daily provision of grace. 

When Life Isn't Fair

My boys were playing a board game one rainy afternoon. It was down to the last spin. One of my sons got the number he hoped for and crossed the finish line, winning the game. The loser stomped his feet and declared, "That's not fair! He always wins!"

My boys are not alone in their view of life. I often look at the circumstances of my life, my failed dreams, struggles and trials, and think, "It's not fair." I look at the successes of others, their achievements, adventures, and lifestyle and think, "Why them and not me?" And I wonder, why do some people seem to always win and I always lose?

I told my son when he lost the game that God intended it for a reason. I reminded him that God rules over everything, even a spinner on a game and he now had an opportunity to learn something from the loss. I also reminded him that by focusing on his loss, he missed an opportunity to rejoice with his brother and encourage him for his win.

Good advice for my own heart, wouldn't you say?

My kids often say that life isn't fair. I've told them that if life really were fair, we'd all get what we deserve—eternal death and separation from God. In fact, we don't deserve a single thing, neither life or breath or anything else. Yet God continues to let the rains come down on both the just and unjust (Matthew 5:45). He gives mercy each new morning (Lamentations 3:23). He strengthens the weary and gives peace to the anxious (Isaiah 40:29, Philippians 4:7).

But most importantly, God gives grace. "And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace" (John 1:16). It is by grace that our hearts are brought from death to life (Ephesians 2, Ezekiel 11). It is by grace that we are saved, secured and sanctified (Ephesians 2:8). And through grace, God will complete the work he began in us.

The truth is, if God treated me as I deserve, I wouldn't have a relationship with him. If God treated me fairly, he wouldn't spend so much time refining me. If God treated me based on what I earned, I would be hopeless and lost. But as the Psalmist penned, "He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities" (Psalm 103:10). Because of God's grace for me in Christ, I have a relationship with the Creator of the universe. My Maker and Creator knows me and I know him. I can come before the throne of grace and receive help in my time of need. And nothing can separate me from God's love.

I don't deserve God's love but he lavishes it upon me—what wonder!

When it comes to what God does in the lives in others and how he chooses to bless them, I have to remember that everyone has their own story. The prose God is writing in my life is for my good and his glory. He is using the circumstances, challenges, and failures in my life to transform me to be more and more like Christ. My story is different from others and I can't compare it. The individual chapters of my life may seem painful and feel unfair but woven together they form a beautiful tapestry of God's grace at work in my life. In fact, my story is included in the grand story of redemption, alongside the stories of my brothers and sisters in Christ. Rather than look at their stories in envy, I ought to rejoice at what God has done to unite our stories together.

It's true, life is unfair. But I wouldn't have it any other way. How about you?