From Darkness to Light

Have you ever been in absolute darkness? We once did a cave tour where the guide turned off all the lights for just a minute so we could experience what it was like for gold miners when their lamps were extinguished. I hated every second of that darkness.

On a recent camping trip, we took an ATV out into the middle of a canyon in eastern Utah. And when I say the middle of nowhere, I mean nowhere. The sky was cloudy and threatening rain, so when we went to sleep, it was dark with no stars to illuminate the our campsite.

In the middle of the night, I woke up in a panic. All I could see was deep darkness. I felt closed in. Trapped. I threw my sleeping bag to the side and jumped up to open the zippered door. I stood for a while outside the tent to breath in the cool night air. I shined my flashlight all around so I could see something. Anything.

Back inside the tent, I left my flashlight on for the rest of the night so I could see the shape of the tent and know where I was.

Light and Darkness

The darkness can be frightening. Without a light source, we can’t navigate or see where we are going. We stumble and fall as we trip over the things we can’t see. In many ways, the darkness reveals our vulnerabilities.

That’s just with physical darkness. How much more with spiritual darkness!

Scripture often talks about darkness and contrasts it to light. At the beginning of all things, God cut into the darkness with just his words and light appeared (Genesis 1:2-3). The Bible describes our sinful state as that of darkness (Acts 26:18, Ephesians 5:8, Colossians 1:13). Those who are outside of Christ are said to love the darkness and hate the light (John 3:20). Just as he did in creation, God shines light into the darkness of our hearts and brings us into the light of life.

The Apostle John equates Christ with light, “In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” ( John 1: 4-5). As Christians, brought from death to life in Christ, we are children of the light and are to walk in the light (Ephesians 5:7-14). In the new heavens and new earth, there will be no more darkness. There won’t even be any need for the sun, for God himself will be our light (Revelation 22:5).

We Need the Light

To be honest, I often fear physical darkness more than I do spiritual darkness. I’m more on alert when I walk to my car late at night than I am living life in a spiritually dark world. I am quick to turn on the lights in a room so I can see, but not so quick to turn to the Word to illuminate the darkness of my heart. I am more likely to remember to bring a flashlight while walking at night than I am to remember that it is Christ and his word which lights the path of my life.

It’s even more dangerous when I grow used to the spiritual darkness around me. When I don’t even notice the deeds of darkness I watch on television or hear on the radio or read when I scroll through social media. When I blend in so much with the world that my life looks no different. Or worse, when I don’t even recognize the sin in my own heart.

Light is good and necessary. Certainly, we need it to navigate the darkness in our physical world. But we need the light even more so in our spiritual lives, for it brings us life. Praise the Lord for bringing us out of darkness and into his marvelous light! May we not take the light for granted. May we strive to put to death the deeds of darkness and live in the light. May we allow God’s word to shine a light into the deepest recesses of our heart, so that more and more of our sinful flesh is put to death through the work of the Spirit in us.

And may we look forward to the day when darkness is no more and the light of God radiates throughout the whole universe.

On Kuyper, Calvinism, and Art

I consider myself a relatively creative person. I played the flute for many years. I enjoy writing poetry. I love finding new uses for old things.

But I can’t draw to save my life.

I’ve admired the talent of artists who portray what they see onto paper or canvas with skill and accuracy. Both of my children took a drawing class for several years and I was amazed at what they achieved. Even today, my youngest will print out images from the computer to use as inspiration for his drawings. I have a dear friend who expresses her love for Christ in beautiful encaustic works.

I’ve long told myself that one day, I will take an art class.

Recently, I read Kuyper’s Lectures on Calvinism. These lectures were delivered to students at Princeton Seminary in 1898. In these lectures, Abraham Kuyper spoke on the influence of Calvinism on all aspects of life, from government to science, religion to the arts. What stands out to me the most from his lecture on the arts, is that for a Reformed believer, artistic expression is a natural overflow of our theology.

“But if you confess that the world once was beautiful, but by the curse has become undone, and by a final catastrophe is to pass to its full state of glory, excelling even the beautiful paradise, then art has the mystical task of reminding us in its productions of the beautiful that was lost and of anticipating its perfect coming luster..Calvinism honored art as a gift of the Holy Ghost and as a consolation in our present life, enabling us to discover in and behind this sinful life a richer and more glorious background...arts points out to the Calvinist both the still visible lines of the original plan, and what is even more, the splendid restoration by which the supreme Artist and master Builder will one day renew and enhance even the beauty of his original creation.” (p. 139-140).

The artist images the first Artist, the one who crafted all things. When we paint, draw, sculpt, or craft, we reflect the One who made us. And in doing so, we bring him glory. But even more, the arts can be a spiritual exercise, a way to express what God is doing in us, in this world, and in the world to come. Like music, artistic expression speaks to the human heart in a unique language. It goes beneath the surface, to our very heart and speaks to our emotions: our longings and hopes, our heartaches and sorrows, our dreams and aspirations. It speaks to the sorrow in all of us of a world fallen and broken from sin and to the hope we have in seeing all things made new.

You might say that Kuyper and Calvin have inspired me. As a result, I decided to take an art class this summer. Whatever comes of it, my prayer is that I what I learn will help me express my love for Christ. I hope to gain skills to sketch or paint what I see in the world around me. And to live out my theology through creative expression. As Kuyper said, “If a common man, to whom the world pays no special attention, is valued and even chosen by God as one of his elect, this must lead the artist also to find a motive for his artistic studies in what is common and of everyday occurrence, to pay attention to the emotions and the issues of the human heart in it, to grasp with his artistic instinct their ideal impulse, and lastly, by his pencil to interpret for the world at large the precious discovery he has made.” (p. 150)

For Those Who are Weak

This year has brought with it new opportunities and experiences for me. The Lord has provided a role for me on the national women’s ministry team for the PCA. I also took my first seminary class in January at RTS. I’ve had more opportunities to write and speak than ever before. I’m amazed at the Lord’s provision for these things. I’m excited about them and look forward to participating in them.

But at the same time, my weakness is ever before me.

To be honest, I wavered over the decision to register for seminary. When I finished graduate school in 2002, I said I’d never go back to school. Never say never, as they say! But part of me wonders, can I handle learning something new at my age? Will I even understand what I am learning? Can I perform at the level of the other, much younger students?

I feel my weakness in the other opportunities as well. I see all the areas in which I am lacking. I feel insufficient and unprepared. I fear letting people down, making mistakes, and being found out as an interloper. A fake. A fraud.

This semester, my kids and I have been reading and discussing the book of Exodus (we’re using Kristen Hatton’s book, The Gospel-Centered Life in Exodus). I see myself in Moses. God visited Moses in the wilderness where he had fled after killing an Egyptian. He told Moses he would use him to rescue the Israelite’s from slavery in Egypt. Like me, Moses had lots of questions. Why me? Who am I? Don’t you know my weaknesses? And most importantly: Who are you?

When I give my children instructions and they respond with questions and say “Why do I have to do it?” or “I can’t because _____” or “I’m not ready,” I’m not so gracious. But God met Moses’ questions with grace. He met him with his very self. God told Moses all he needed to know. “God said to Moses, ‘I AM WHO I AM.’ And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.’” (Exodus 3:14-15).

The most common name for God in Scripture is LORD, written in all capital letters in our Bible. It is YHWH, which we pronounce Yahweh. The Jews had such reverence for this name of God, they never said it out loud; instead they used the name, Adonai.

It is this name, Yahweh, that's used in Exodus 3 when God tells Moses his name. It’s an important passage because God is defining himself for Moses. He is telling Moses he has always existed and is not dependent upon anyone else. In Hebrew, the word is in the future tense, “I will be what I will be.” God is not a created being; he has always existed. John Calvin wrote concerning this name, “he claims for himself eternity as peculiar to God alone, in order that he may be honored according to his dignity… that our minds may be filled with admiration as often as his incomprehensible essence is mentioned.” God doesn’t rely on anything outside himself to keep and sustain him, as we do. This name also tells us that God is unchangeable; he always is and always was. It was also this name, Yahweh, I AM, that Jesus used in response to the Jews in John 8: "Jesus said to them, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am'" (v. 58).

Calvin also wrote that knowing God’s name gave Moses confidence in his calling: “Wherefore, in order rightly to apprehend the one God, we must first know, that all things in heaven and earth derive at His will their essence, or subsistence from One, who only truly is. From this Being all power is derived; because, if God sustains all things by his excellency, he governs them also at his will. And how would it have profited Moses to gaze upon the secret essence of God, as if it were shut up in heaven, unless, being assured of his omnipotence, he had obtained from thence the buckler of his confidence? Therefore God teaches him that He alone is worthy of the most holy name, which is profaned when improperly transferred to others; and then sets forth his inestimable excellency, that Moses may have no doubt of overcoming all things under his guidance.” 

When I think about my own callings, knowing who God is gives me confidence and peace. Like Moses, I can’t do anything apart from God. I don’t have what it takes within me. I don’t have the wisdom, strength, or experience. But when God calls, he enables. He gives what is needed to accomplish his will. He meets us where we are with all that we need. He meets us with himself. And as he provided Moses with a staff and the support of his brother Aaron, he gives us gifts and the Body of Christ so that we are equipped to carry out our callings.

I am weak indeed. But just as God used Moses—in spite of his weaknesses—so that his glory might be displayed, I know he can do the same in me.

We Don't Always Need Something New

I like new things. I enjoy the smell of new things. Sometimes, even the thought of something new is exciting, like planning a trip to somewhere I’ve never been or searching for a new house or looking at paint swatches for a new wall color.

As humans, we love to pursue what’s new. New technology, gadgets, and tools. New methods and strategies. New innovations and discoveries. We love stories of people reinventing themselves. We look forward to new days, new school years, and New Year’s Day.

We also look for the “new” in our spiritual lives.

While new things are helpful (and I often wonder how I lived before Amazon and smart phones!) in our walk with the Lord, we don’t need something new. As we grow in our faith and Christ-likeness, we don’t need a new method. We don’t need an innovative strategy. We don’t need a new “10 Step Guide to Spiritual Growth.” We need exactly what God has provided for us. He’s given us everything we need and it’s been available to us all along.

We need the means of grace.

God has provided ordinary means by which he uses to strengthen and grow our faith. Theologians use the term “means of grace” to describe these means, though the Bible doesn’t use this phrase. In Berkhof’s Systematic Theology, he defines the means of grace as “objective channels which Christ has instituted in the Church, and to which He ordinarily binds Himself in the communication of His grace” (p. 604-605). These are the means God chooses to use, through the agency of the Holy Spirit, in our spiritual growth. God uses these means to draw us closer to himself.

What are these means? They are primarily prayer, the Word of God, and the sacraments.

The Westminster Confession Shorter Catechism puts it this way:

Q. 154. What are the outward means whereby Christ communicates to us the benefits of his mediation?

A. The outward and ordinary means whereby Christ communicates to his church the benefits of his mediation, are all his ordinances; especially the Word, sacraments, and prayer; all which are made effectual to the elect for their salvation.

God doesn’t change and the means by which we receive his grace hasn’t changed either. Generation after generation, God works in us using the ordinary means of prayer, the Word of God, and the sacraments of baptism and the Lord’s Supper. It is how he feeds and nourishes us spiritually. It is how we abide in him. It’s how we know him. It’s how we grow in him.

We see the early church grow through these means, “And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers…And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved” (Acts 2:42, 46-47).

The phrase, “means of grace,” reminds us that from beginning to end, our life in Christ is all of grace. Our justification is by God’s grace, our sanctification is by God’s grace, and our future glorification is ensured by God’s grace. “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age” (Titus 2:11-12). It is not our ability to read God’s word, or how well we listen to the word preached, or how beautiful our prayers, or how faithful we are to take communion which strengthens and grows our faith; it is the Spirit’s use of these means, by the grace of God and for his glory, which transforms us.

This doesn’t mean God never uses other means to communicate his grace to us. While they are the norm, it doesn’t mean God doesn’t use extraordinary means. Certainly there are examples in the Bible of God doing so. But when it comes to the ordinary, daily growth of the Christian, we can trust that God will work through the means he’s promised to use.

So while new things are intriguing and we are quick to ditch old technology for whatever is new, when it comes to growth in the faith, we don’t need something new. We need to read and hear the word preached. We need to seek our Father in prayer. We need the sign and seal of baptism. And we need to join our church family in the feast of the Lord’s Supper.

Let us grow through the ordinary means of grace.

When You Feel Weak in Faith

"I tried Mommy, but I just can't do it!" moaned my son. He curled up on the couch and cried. Sitting down beside him, I said "You're right. You can't. But God can. Let's pray about it together."

I often look at my children and see my own heart and my own struggles. Sometimes I look at the road ahead, see an obstacle and think, "There's no way around it. It's impossible." When I consider my life circumstances and the trials seem insurmountable, I throw up my hands and think, "I'm stuck. I'll never get out of this mess." Feeling overwhelmed and in despair, I simply give up. Like my son, I want to curl up and cry.

The truth is, my faith often seems quite small. Imperfect. Weak.

In Exodus 4, Moses and Aaron told the Israelites that God would deliver them from Pharaoh. They showed them signs and wonders. They believed that God sent Moses to deliver them and they worshiped God. Then in chapter 5, Moses went before Pharaoh for the first time and told him to let the Israelites go. He responded in anger and made the work load harder for the people. They were punished and beaten. The Israelites went to Moses and Aaron and said, "May the Lord look on you and judge you! You have made us obnoxious to Pharaoh and his officials and have put a sword in their hand to kill us.” (v.21).

I do the same thing. I say I believe God can do anything and then when he does things differently than I expect, I stomp my feet and say he did it wrong. I follow him when he gives me what I want, but as soon as scarcity arrives, I complain and say "This is not how I'm supposed to be treated!" I grumble about the provisions I'm given and returning to slavery begins to look appealing. When the future seems filled with giants, I'm like the returning spies who want to give it all up and return to the desert rather than believe the promised land is worth the effort to stay and fight.

I know I'm not alone in this. I receive emails all the time from people struggling with doubts and feelings of insufficiency. Even in Scripture I see that I'm not alone in my weak faith. In fact, over and over in Scripture, I see Jesus extending grace and accepting the imperfect faith of those he called. He often admonished the disciples by saying, "O you of little faith!" They constantly questioned him and doubted what he could do. Even after witnessing Jesus feeding the five thousand, they were concerned when they didn't have anything to eat. Jesus said, “O you of little faith, why are you discussing among yourselves the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive? Do you not remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many baskets you gathered? (Matthew 16:8-9). Yet, these were the very men whom Jesus entrusted with starting the church.

Those who came to him for healing didn't have complete faith either. The woman who had bled for twelve years came to him with a combination of superstition, doubt, and faith and touched the edge of his cloak. Yet he accepted her efforts and healed her. A man asked Jesus to heal his demon possessed son saying, "But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” (Mark 9:22) "Jesus responded, ‘If you can?' said Jesus. 'Everything is possible for one who believes.' Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!'” (vs. 23-24).

In Calvin's commentary on the book of Mark he commented on how God responds to our weak faith: "This agrees with what I have lately noticed, that God deals kindly and gently with his people, —accepts their faith, though imperfect and weak,—and does not lay to their charge the faults and imperfections with which it is connected...Though we have not such abundance of faith as might be desired, there is no reason why our weakness should drive away or discourage us from prayer.”

This is what I want my children to understand and what I want my own heart to grasp: It's not about what I can do but about what God has already done through Jesus on my behalf. It's not the strength of my faith which saves me but the object of my faith. It's who my faith is in and not how strong it is that matters. Though my faith is weak and imperfect, I need to come to God in prayer saying, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

Francis Schaeffer received numerous letters from people asking him questions about the Christian life. I have a book where Francis Schaeffer shares some of those letters, along with his responses. One of my favorites is between Schaeffer and a man who struggled with doubts. Schaeffer responded: "You may go through a period of darkness, but once we have accepted Christ as our Savior he has promised to hold us fast forever. Our salvation does not rest upon our holding on to Christ, but upon his work as He died upon the cross. Because He is God, His death has infinite value and can cover every spot. Thus when He promises to hold us fast and to never let us go, He is doing so upon the basis of the infinite value of His shed blood as He died for us....You have been in a relationship to this personal God—in the way God Himself has provided through the work of Christ— and as such you can look to Him to help you through the darkness." (in Letters to Francis Schaeffer, p.142).

Here's what I know to be true: in this life I will face trials, circumstances, and mountains that are too high for me to climb. I will have fears, doubts, and worries. I will feel weak in faith. Like the Israelites, I may see God's wonders in my life one day but the very next day doubt he can provide my daily bread. But I must keep my eyes focused not on my circumstances or on how strong I feel, but on the object of my faith: Jesus Christ. His blood is sufficient; his grace is more than abundant to cover my weakness. I must come to him, no matter how weak my faith and ask him to help me in my unbelief. And though there may be times when I just can't hold on, I have to remember that Jesus never lets go of me.

What about you? Do you ever feel weak in faith?

Learning from Example

In my quiet time lately, I've been reading the book of Jeremiah. He was a prophet to the people of Judah, called to warn them of God's coming wrath for their sin. As I've read it, I've found myself wanting to do what my kids do while watching a game on TV: yell at the players, telling them what they should be doing. 

When I read Jeremiah telling the King exactly what to do to keep Jerusalem from being destroyed by the Babylonians, I wanted to yell "Just do it already!"

"Thus says the LORD, the God of hosts, the God of Israel: If you will surrender to the officials of the king of Babylon, then your life shall be spared, and this city shall not be burned with fire, and you and your house shall live. But if you do not surrender to the officials of the king of Babylon, then this city shall be given into the hand of the Chaldeans, and they shall burn it with fire, and you shall not escape from their hand” (Jeremiah 38:17-18).

Instead, King Zedekiah defied what God said through Jeremiah and in the end, he lost his family, his eyes, and lived the remainder of his life in prison (Jeremiah 39).

As I read this, I thought to myself, "The king had a prophet of God speaking to him and he still did what he wanted to do. How can that be?" But then I remember, wait, I have God's words too, right there in my Bible, and still I turn and do my own thing.

I've had the same thoughts whenever I read the account of the Israelite's leaving Egypt and wandering in the desert. I think, "How could they not believe God would be with them? They saw his power in the plagues, they saw him part the sea and defeat their enemies, and then they question whether he will give them water to drink or food to eat?" 

But then I do the same thing. I read God's word and still wonder what he wants me to do with my life. I've seen God's faithfulness in my life over and over and still I question whether he will provide. I see his grace and mercy poured out for me at the cross and still I question whether he loves me. I'm no different than God's people in the Old Testament.

The Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, recounting some of Israel's history. He wrote of their idolatry, their grumbling and complaining, and their immorality. He wrote, "Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come" (1 Corinthians 10:11).

The Corinthians were resting and relying on their progress in faith and thought they had made it. They had spiritual pride. As a result, they had slipped into sin of their own (idolatry and immorality, among other things). Paul pointed to Israel as an example, reminding them that Israel had the same spiritual benefits as the Corinthians did, yet they fell into sin (1 Corinthians 10:1-5). That's why he wrote, "Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall" (v. 12).

This is a strong reminder for me in my own spiritual pride. When I read the stories of my ancestor's in the faith, instead of shaking my head in wonder at their actions, I ought to see myself in them. The stories are examples for me to realize I have the same benefits as those in the past did (God's word, the community of faith, the sacraments, etc), yet I am just as prone to idolatry. I am just as prone to do my own thing. And I need a Savior just as much as they did. 

It's easy to study the narratives of the Old Testament and merely read them as history lessons. And there's certainly history there to learn. But ultimately, those stories remind me of my story. They point to the depths of my depravity and my great need for Jesus. They remind me not to trust in my heritage, in what I have learned, in my spiritual disciplines, or in what I have or have not done. Rather, they remind me to trust in Jesus. He is the only one who can rescue me from myself. He is the only one who can help me resist temptation to sin (1 Corinthians 10:13). He is the author and perfecter of my faith.

What about you? Have you learned from the example of those before us?