My New Book: Like Our Father

How many parenting books have you read? I’d venture to guess more than a few. I know I have. As parents, we desire to raise our children well. We want to train them up in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). We want to love and care for them in the best ways possible. We want to do all we can to help them grow and mature into godly young men and women.

The question is, just how do we do that? “How?” has been the biggest question in my own parenting. From the moment my oldest came into the world, I wanted to know “How?”

How do I best train and discipline my children?

How do I help them navigate hardships?

How do I know what to say and do in specific situations?

Over the years, I kept returning to how my Father in heaven parents me. As I encountered behavioral challenges, I was reminded of my own sinful heart and the ways in which God teaches and trains me to follow after him. When I found myself impatient at having to repeat the same instruction, yet again, I remembered how often the Lord is patient with my own slowness to learn. In all these ways and more, I found myself looking to my Father as my source of parenting wisdom.

I’m so grateful to Moody Publishers for giving me the opportunity to explore this topic in my forthcoming book, Like Our Father: How God Parents Us and Why that Matters for Our Parenting. In this book, I encourage us to turn from asking “How?” and instead ask the question, “Who?” Who is God? Who are we? And, what are the implications of that?

Like Our Father explores the ways in which God parents us. And because we are his image bearers, we get to image him to our children in the ways we parent them. What an opportunity! As parents, we are often the first ones to introduce our children to their Father in heaven. What might it look like to show our children the Father in how we parent them? That’s what I attempt to unpack in the book. I look at how God is consistent with us, how he provides for us, how he teaches us, how he loves us, and more.

Here is what a few readers are saying about Like Our Father:

Christina Fox doesn’t just offer a parenting “how to” manual, but instead paints a beautiful picture of how our Heavenly Father parents us, slowly shaping us into a conduit of his love and grace as we learn to parent our own children in his strength. Lay down the heavy burden of needing to know “how” to be the parent you long to be and soak in the pages of this book which will draw your eyes upward to know and rest in the One who has everything you need.

—Sarah Walton, Co-author of Hope When it Hurts and Together Through the Storms

Our Father, who art in heaven, help me parent these kids! Every parent knows that in order to raise healthy, loved, and spiritually mature children, we need a parenting coach. In Like Our Father, Christina Fox reminds us we already have one—our Heavenly Father! You'll walk away from this book with a fresh awe for the way God has lovingly cared for you and deep wisdom to help you raise your children rooted in His love. This is a parenting book I will read and re-read.

—Erin Davis, writer, Bible study teacher, and mother of four boys

This book surpasses parenting how-to guides, giving us practical wisdom to nurture kids in gospel truth. Christina Fox faithfully points us to the perfect parent: God himself. Get ready to see what it means to imitate our loving Father and proclaim his beloved Son to our children, fully relying on his abundant grace.

—Barbara Reaoch, author, former Director of the Children’s Division at Bible Study Fellowship International

In a world full of prescriptive strategies that don’t go the distance, Like Our Father offers an invitation to discover the “why” of parenting instead of the “how.” Understanding the multidimensional glory of God as Father shapes both parent and child toward the ultimate aim of parenting--being more conformed to His image.

—Karen Hodge, Coordinator of Women’s Ministries for the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) and author of Transformed: Life-taker to Life-giver and Life-giving Leadership

Like Our Father releases March 2. Reserve your copy today! Click here to learn more. Stay tuned to learn how you can help spread the word about the book’s release and join the launch team.

A Bigger Perspective

I’ve always enjoyed art— wandering through galleries and marveling at the way people use color and light to express themselves. I enjoy learning about an artist’s chosen medium, their creative process, and their technique. I’m not an artist myself, though I have taken a few classes because I desire to learn how to express myself creatively.

During a recent family vacation, I took a painting class. We sat in a room, surrounded by glass on all four sides. The Rocky Mountains stretched out before us, its jagged peaks covered with fresh snow, the hills below bright green from recent rainfall. The sky was wide and dappled with clouds, the pond behind the building teeming with birds. It was an ideal spot in which to spend the afternoon with a blank canvas.

The instructor placed his own painting on an easel and invited us to paint something similar. It was a mountain scene and looked like many of the places our family had recently hiked, filled with desert shrubs and rocky cliffs. He walked us through it, teaching us how to paint shapes and mix colors. Not everyone in the class was an artist, so I was happy to learn that I wasn’t the only one who did not know what they were doing!

As I painted, I grew increasingly disappointed. All I could see were lines and shapes. My shrubs looked like large eggs sprouting ears. My mountain looked like a misshapen blob—far from anything majestic. I’d add lines as he instructed, but they didn’t look anything like cliffs or crevasses.

The instructor walked around the room, giving us individual help and guidance. Several times he said, “Every once in a while get out of your chair and step back from the painting and you’ll see it from a different perspective. Up close, it won’t look like anything. But a few feet away it will all make sense.”

I never got up to see it from afar but kept mixing colors and painting away, all the while feeling discouraged that the image I had in my mind was not transferring to the canvas. It wasn’t until I brought it back to our cabin and propped it up on the window sill and looked at it from afar that I saw it as he said. All the lines and shapes that looked so strange up close looked so different a few steps away. My bushes actually did look like bushes! The red rock mountain looked like it had dimension and depth. There were cliffs and crevasses after all. It looked more like a place I had hiked and explored than the smearing of colors it looked like up close.

My painting experience reminded me of how I often view my life—of how I see the picture God is painting. I often only see the trial and hardship I am in at the moment. The brush strokes seem wild and unhinged. The colors look like they’ve been splattered on the canvas with no thought or intention. The shapes don’t resemble anything that makes sense. I feel discouraged and can’t imagine that what I am experiencing has any purpose. How can something so messy and confusing transform into something beautiful? And sometimes, when the trial is especially intense and hard, all I can see are dark brush strokes in one corner of the canvas.

And I wonder, is this all I’ll ever see?

Stepping back from my painting was a reminder that in my own life all I see is one small section of the picture God is painting. I need to step back from time to time to see it from a different angle. To get a new perspective. To see my life in light of the greater work of redemption God is doing in my life. To see it in light of eternity.

While it’s true that I won’t see the full and complete picture until God is finished, but I can get glimpses of it in Scripture. Like an architect’s rendering of a house before it is built, I have God’s promises of what his finished product will look like. I even know other people in my life whose pictures are a bit more developed than mine and I can see the similar work God has done in their lives. But even more, as I study the Bible, I can see the image of Christ that he’s transforming me into. And rather than despair over the seemingly meaningless brush strokes before me, I can turn and instead watch the master Artist at work, shaping my life to image that of Christ.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get so caught up in looking at the shapes and strokes right before me that I get discouraged. I fear that my life will never take shape or make sense. That’s when I need a bigger perspective. That’s when I need to step back and view my life through the big picture of God’s work of redemption. I need to look at and take in what he’s completed so far and marvel at how far my life has come. But most importantly, I need to remember it’s not yet finished and when it is, it will be even more breathtaking and glorious than anything I’ve ever seen.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6).

Change Starts at Home

Over recent weeks I’ve been stunned by the murders of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd. As I watched the footage on television, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My heart grieved for the families of these two men. Then, as I watched the protests on television, peaceful at first, then increasingly violent, I grieved for our nation. So much heartache. So much pain. And compounded over generations.

As I watch the news, read accounts, and observe responses, I want to help in some way. Yet, I feel a general sense of helplessness. There is a broad and systemic problem in our nation. The swath of injustice seems too big and too deep for one person to make an impact. What can I personally do to effect any kind of change? What can I—as a suburban stay at home mom—do to help?

Start at Home

It’s a lot to take in and I pray the Lord will provide opportunity and prompting as time moves forward, but one of the first things I realized I can personally do to stop the spread of hatred and injustice is to train my children well. Racial bias doesn’t come out of nowhere; it springs forth from the heart. As fallen sinners, we all have biases toward others. Every day, we make assumptions about the people around us based on how they look and talk, their age and stage, where they come from, what they do, even what they know or don’t know, and we treat them accordingly. And as is often the case, we encourage such biases in our children from an early age. They hear it in the things we say about other people. They see it in the way we act. They observe it in our priorities, in our relationships, in our responses. They then model what they see in us. Bias is passed from parent to child and forward through the generations.

As parents, we have the responsibility to not only point our children to what is right and true, but to also live it out in our own lives.

My husband and I have had some good discussions with our children about these recent tragedies. We’ve talked about what we witnessed and learned from our own families of origin regarding racism, bias, and injustice. We’ve talked about the biases we all have and the importance of identifying them and turning from them. We’ve even talked about the bubble my children grow up in and their lack of awareness of what life is like outside that bubble. We’ve shared the things we’ve learned from our African American friends— those personal stories which opened our eyes to see how their everyday life is so different from ours. The daily fears they face. The injustices they’ve experienced. The barriers. The assumptions. And so much more.

Training our Children

Training our children starts with the word of God and it starts at the beginning of the Bible. It starts with Genesis. We teach our children that God created all mankind in his image. Each person, whatever their nationality, skin color, economic background, life experience, etc., is created in the image of God. Every person has inherent value and worth because God created them. Whenever we mistreat another human being, we mar a fellow image bearer. Further, as we teach our children the gospel, we can’t neglect to teach them about the beautifully diverse family of God. As God covenanted with Abraham, all the nations of the world would be blessed through his seed and that promise is fulfilled in Jesus Christ. Through Christ, we are united as brothers and sisters with people from every tribe and nation. The book of Revelation speaks to what heaven will look like as all God’s children, scattered throughout the nations, are brought together before the throne of God, “After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!” (Revelation 7:9-10). What a beautiful thing that will be!

Because heaven will be filled with beautiful diversity, our lives ought to be as well. As much as possible, our children ought to see diversity in our lives, in our relationships, and in our experiences. Encourage friendships with people from other cultures and nationalities. Get to know people with different experiences and backgrounds. We often fear what we don’t know so encourage curiosity in your children. Teach them about different nations and cultures. Read books and stories about children in other places. Have them pray for different people groups. Find creative ways to get involved with people outside their usual circle. Visit a civil rights museum or study the history of a particular people group. When our children see that we love and cherish the diversity God has made, they will too.

Books to Read

Here are a few book suggestions, some for your children and others for your own heart:

God’s Very Good Idea by Trillia Newbell. This is an excellent children’s book about how God created us all different, yet we are all part of his family. I wrote about this book here.

Window on the World: An Operation World Prayer Resource: This book exposes children to the people groups of the world. It teaches them about their history, culture, and customs. It also helps children learn about the work God is doing in the nations and how they can pray for each people group.

United: Captured by God’s Vision for Diversity by Trillia Newbell. This eye opening book challenges us in the church to experience the joy of diversity, and even more, to seek it out.

The Beautiful Community: Unity, Diversity, and the Church at its Best by Irwyn Ince. This beautiful book paints a picture of the church as both diverse and united in Christ. It is both theologically robust and practical. When we pursue unity in our churches, we image our Triune God.

His Testimonies, My Heritage: This is a devotional, written by women of color, expounding on Psalm 119.

Perhaps you too feel helpless as you watch the news or scroll through social media. You may wonder what impact you can make in bringing healing and reconciliation to our nation. If you are looking for somewhere to start, start at home. Teach your children to love the beautifully diverse people he has made.

On Kuyper, Calvinism, and Art

I consider myself a relatively creative person. I played the flute for many years. I enjoy writing poetry. I love finding new uses for old things.

But I can’t draw to save my life.

I’ve admired the talent of artists who portray what they see onto paper or canvas with skill and accuracy. Both of my children took a drawing class for several years and I was amazed at what they achieved. Even today, my youngest will print out images from the computer to use as inspiration for his drawings. I have a dear friend who expresses her love for Christ in beautiful encaustic works.

I’ve long told myself that one day, I will take an art class.

Recently, I read Kuyper’s Lectures on Calvinism. These lectures were delivered to students at Princeton Seminary in 1898. In these lectures, Abraham Kuyper spoke on the influence of Calvinism on all aspects of life, from government to science, religion to the arts. What stands out to me the most from his lecture on the arts, is that for a Reformed believer, artistic expression is a natural overflow of our theology.

“But if you confess that the world once was beautiful, but by the curse has become undone, and by a final catastrophe is to pass to its full state of glory, excelling even the beautiful paradise, then art has the mystical task of reminding us in its productions of the beautiful that was lost and of anticipating its perfect coming luster..Calvinism honored art as a gift of the Holy Ghost and as a consolation in our present life, enabling us to discover in and behind this sinful life a richer and more glorious background...arts points out to the Calvinist both the still visible lines of the original plan, and what is even more, the splendid restoration by which the supreme Artist and master Builder will one day renew and enhance even the beauty of his original creation.” (p. 139-140).

The artist images the first Artist, the one who crafted all things. When we paint, draw, sculpt, or craft, we reflect the One who made us. And in doing so, we bring him glory. But even more, the arts can be a spiritual exercise, a way to express what God is doing in us, in this world, and in the world to come. Like music, artistic expression speaks to the human heart in a unique language. It goes beneath the surface, to our very heart and speaks to our emotions: our longings and hopes, our heartaches and sorrows, our dreams and aspirations. It speaks to the sorrow in all of us of a world fallen and broken from sin and to the hope we have in seeing all things made new.

You might say that Kuyper and Calvin have inspired me. As a result, I decided to take an art class this summer. Whatever comes of it, my prayer is that I what I learn will help me express my love for Christ. I hope to gain skills to sketch or paint what I see in the world around me. And to live out my theology through creative expression. As Kuyper said, “If a common man, to whom the world pays no special attention, is valued and even chosen by God as one of his elect, this must lead the artist also to find a motive for his artistic studies in what is common and of everyday occurrence, to pay attention to the emotions and the issues of the human heart in it, to grasp with his artistic instinct their ideal impulse, and lastly, by his pencil to interpret for the world at large the precious discovery he has made.” (p. 150)

A Writer's Prayer

The last few years, I've found myself speaking on a topic I didn't anticipate speaking on. Yet, I've found myself speaking to college students, participating in panel discussions, and leading workshops on this topic. I've mentored people in person and answered questions via email on the subject. And though it was unexpected, I've enjoyed it. I’ve loved helping people find their place and encourage them in the journey. What is that topic? Writing.

People write for many reasons. Some find it therapeutic. It’s a way of releasing emotions. For some, writing is the way they process their thoughts. There's something about putting your thoughts onto paper that helps you see and understand them in a way you didn't before. Some, like me, don't even know what they think about a topic until they write about it. The very process of writing helps them think through an issue.  

For others, writing is an art form. It's a way of painting a picture, but instead of using a paintbrush, they use words. The craft of taking 26 letters and arranging them into words, phrases, sentences, and paragraphs is a creative act.

For still others, writing is a way to teach and instruct. It's used to communicate a message. Such writing compels people to think differently about something, differentiates truth from fiction, and helps solve a problem. Writing is a means to an end rather than the end itself. 

For all believers who write, whatever form of writing we do, and whatever context we do it in, it's all for the glory of God. "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31). Whether we write fiction, non-fiction, poems, or newspaper articles, each word is for the honor and praise of God. We magnify him in our writing when we work hard and write well. We highlight his wonder and majesty when we use words to point readers to who he is and what he has done. We reflect him when we write for his praise and not our own. When we craft beauty out of words, it's a way of imaging and reflecting our Creator God to the world around us. In all these ways, we write for God and his glory. 

Like all things in life, we can do nothing apart from Christ (John 15:5). Writers must abide in him and rest in his grace, wisdom, and strength. One of the ways we do that is in prayer. Like all the things we submit to our Father, we must submit our writing to him as well, asking him to use it for his glory and praise. 

A Writer’s Prayer 

Father in Heaven,

You are the Maker and Creator of all things. You spoke this world into being and keep it in its orbit. By your word, all things exist. You watch over each creature and know the stars by name. Your word made flesh, Jesus Christ, shows us who you are. And your written word feeds, strengthens, and sanctifies your children.

As your image bearer, you made me to reflect you to the world around me. You gave me gifts and abilities to use in my life and work. One of the ways I image you is in my writing. I thank you for this gift. I thank you for the joy I have in weaving words together. Words are an amazing thing, they have the power to build and the power to destroy. They can point to you or away from you. They can honor and glorify you or honor and glorify ourselves. 

Forgive me for the ways in which I have stolen your glory in my writing. Forgive me for the ways in which I have not glorified you in the words I have written. Forgive me when I fail to use the gift you've given me in a way that honors you, when I waste the gift and horde it, or when I fear what others think of my writing more than I fear you.

Help me to continue to grow in this gift. Help me to use words to build and not destroy. Help me not to worry or fret about how you will use my words, but to entrust them to you, knowing you will use them in the right time and for your eternal purposes. Whether one person reads them or many, may they be used to exalt and magnify you.

In everything I write, may it be for you. 

Because of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Identity in Changing Seasons

Who am I? 

This is a question I've been asking myself lately. I knew who I was where we used to live. But who am I now in this new place? This new community? This new church? Who am I now that my kids need me less and less with each passing year?

Who am I?

This is a question I've asked myself numerous times in my life. When I was a teen, I asked myself this question as I looked at the other teens around me and wondered: "Who am I if I don't play sports? Who am I when everyone is categorized by what they wear, where they live, who they date, and what they look like? Who am I when I don't fit in anywhere?"

The question returned when I was newly married and I attempted to navigate the challenging questions: "Who am I as a married woman? Is my identity wrapped up in who I am married to and how good a wife I am?"

When we decided I would stop working as a counselor to stay home with our children, I wondered: "Who am I now that I can't identify myself by my work? What does it mean to be a stay-at-home mom? What happens to those gifts and skills God has given me, do they just get buried in with the pile of laundry that never dissipates?"

I know that around the corner lies even more questions, like "Who am I now that the kids are out of the house and on their own? Who am I when I can't get around like I used to? Who am I when I need other people to do things for me that I used to do for myself?"

A Secure Identity

Throughout my life, the responsibilities, roles, jobs, and commitments I make will change. They will come and go. What I do with my time in one decade will likely be different in the next. My identity can't be rooted in those things. Even a role as important as motherhood can't be how I define myself. It can't be what I rest in to give my life meaning. Because what happens when the house is empty and I'm no longer needed?  

Though I'm prone to forget, Scripture tells me who I am. It gives me an enduring meaning and purpose. It's something that will not change no matter what changes in my life or in the world around me. It won't change with my age or the season of life I am in. It won't change whether I live in this town or in another. It's not effected by what I do but it does inform what I do.

When God spoke this world into existence, He created mankind. Our first parents, Adam and Eve, were made to image God. "Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Genesis 1:26-27). They were given responsibility to rule over the world God had made as His representatives. They imaged Him in their work, in their creativity, in their rest. They glorified Him in their obedience, in their relationship with one another, and in their enjoyment of being in His presence.

Then they fell into sin. They defied the one thing God told them they couldn't do. Because Adam was our representative, his action had an effect on all of us. When he fell, we all fell. We all inherit our sin nature from him. Yet even before God announced the curses upon Adam and Eve, He prefaced it with this promise, "I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel" (Genesis 3:15).

Jesus is the Second Adam, the one who perfectly obeyed, and the fulfillment of that promise in Genesis 3:15. That's because He is God incarnate. "He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high" (Hebrews 1:3). Through faith in Christ and His perfect life, sacrificial death, and triumphant resurrection, we are united to Him and are adopted into God's family. Christ's obedience is given to us. Because He obeyed in our place, because we are united to Him by faith, God looks at us and accepts us. He has given us the gift of His Spirit who is even now at work in us, conforming us into the image of Christ. 

We were created as image bearers and made to reflect God's glory. Though the image was broken by the Fall, through our adoption into the family of God, we are now redeemed image bearers. That's our identity. We are "in Christ." We now live to bring Him glory. The Westminster Confession tells us that our primary purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. That was Adam and Eve's purpose in the Garden and through Christ, we are enabled to once again to live out that purpose and identity.

When I wonder who I am in the various contexts and seasons of life, I have to remember this truth: I am in Christ. Whatever changes take place throughout the seasons of my life, whatever new experiences I face, I remain a child of God. I am united with Christ; I bear His image in this world. This identity gives shape to how I do the jobs, roles, and tasks God gives me. This identity informs what it looks like for me to be a wife, mother, friend, and co-worker. It defines how I serve and love others, and even how I live out the final years of my life. This identity is always with me and will be with me into eternity. "You have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him" (Romans 8:15-17).

So who am I? I am in Christ. I am God's own. I am an image bearer created to glorify and enjoy my Maker.