Identity in Changing Seasons

Who am I? 

This is a question I've been asking myself lately. I knew who I was where we used to live. But who am I now in this new place? This new community? This new church? Who am I now that my kids need me less and less with each passing year?

Who am I?

This is a question I've asked myself numerous times in my life. When I was a teen, I asked myself this question as I looked at the other teens around me and wondered: "Who am I if I don't play sports? Who am I when everyone is categorized by what they wear, where they live, who they date, and what they look like? Who am I when I don't fit in anywhere?"

The question returned when I was newly married and I attempted to navigate the challenging questions: "Who am I as a married woman? Is my identity wrapped up in who I am married to and how good a wife I am?"

When we decided I would stop working as a counselor to stay home with our children, I wondered: "Who am I now that I can't identify myself by my work? What does it mean to be a stay-at-home mom? What happens to those gifts and skills God has given me, do they just get buried in with the pile of laundry that never dissipates?"

I know that around the corner lies even more questions, like "Who am I now that the kids are out of the house and on their own? Who am I when I can't get around like I used to? Who am I when I need other people to do things for me that I used to do for myself?"

A Secure Identity

Throughout my life, the responsibilities, roles, jobs, and commitments I make will change. They will come and go. What I do with my time in one decade will likely be different in the next. My identity can't be rooted in those things. Even a role as important as motherhood can't be how I define myself. It can't be what I rest in to give my life meaning. Because what happens when the house is empty and I'm no longer needed?  

Though I'm prone to forget, Scripture tells me who I am. It gives me an enduring meaning and purpose. It's something that will not change no matter what changes in my life or in the world around me. It won't change with my age or the season of life I am in. It won't change whether I live in this town or in another. It's not effected by what I do but it does inform what I do.

When God spoke this world into existence, He created mankind. Our first parents, Adam and Eve, were made to image God. "Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Genesis 1:26-27). They were given responsibility to rule over the world God had made as His representatives. They imaged Him in their work, in their creativity, in their rest. They glorified Him in their obedience, in their relationship with one another, and in their enjoyment of being in His presence.

Then they fell into sin. They defied the one thing God told them they couldn't do. Because Adam was our representative, his action had an effect on all of us. When he fell, we all fell. We all inherit our sin nature from him. Yet even before God announced the curses upon Adam and Eve, He prefaced it with this promise, "I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel" (Genesis 3:15).

Jesus is the Second Adam, the one who perfectly obeyed, and the fulfillment of that promise in Genesis 3:15. That's because He is God incarnate. "He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high" (Hebrews 1:3). Through faith in Christ and His perfect life, sacrificial death, and triumphant resurrection, we are united to Him and are adopted into God's family. Christ's obedience is given to us. Because He obeyed in our place, because we are united to Him by faith, God looks at us and accepts us. He has given us the gift of His Spirit who is even now at work in us, conforming us into the image of Christ. 

We were created as image bearers and made to reflect God's glory. Though the image was broken by the Fall, through our adoption into the family of God, we are now redeemed image bearers. That's our identity. We are "in Christ." We now live to bring Him glory. The Westminster Confession tells us that our primary purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. That was Adam and Eve's purpose in the Garden and through Christ, we are enabled to once again to live out that purpose and identity.

When I wonder who I am in the various contexts and seasons of life, I have to remember this truth: I am in Christ. Whatever changes take place throughout the seasons of my life, whatever new experiences I face, I remain a child of God. I am united with Christ; I bear His image in this world. This identity gives shape to how I do the jobs, roles, and tasks God gives me. This identity informs what it looks like for me to be a wife, mother, friend, and co-worker. It defines how I serve and love others, and even how I live out the final years of my life. This identity is always with me and will be with me into eternity. "You have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him" (Romans 8:15-17).

So who am I? I am in Christ. I am God's own. I am an image bearer created to glorify and enjoy my Maker.

On Lament, Habakkuk, and My Favorite Passsage

There are some seasons in our Christian life where we wonder where God is. Like a thick low lying fog that crawls along the ground, these seasons are dark and difficult to navigate. God seems—to us at least— noticeably absent. We call out to him and wonder if he even hears us. We plead and cry for his help but nothing changes in our circumstances.

While we know in our mind that God is always present, it often feels otherwise, especially when we are going through a trial. Or when all we see is sin and brokenness around us, it appears as though God is doing nothing. Our heart resonates with the sons of Korah, "Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?" (Psalm 44:24).

There's another place in Scripture where the writer wonders where God is: the book of Habakkuk.

Habakkuk's Lament

One of my favorite passages in Scripture comes from the book of Habakkuk. It might seem like an unlikely book for a favorite verse. It's not a promise like many favorite verses usually are. It's not a list of important things to do, like that of Philippians 4:8. Before I get to the passage though, I want to share more about the prophet with an interesting name.

Habakkuk was a prophet most likely during the time of the prophet Jeremiah. Unlike other prophetic books, Habakkuk doesn't prophecy to the people of Judah. Rather, the book is a conversation between Habakkuk and God. In the book, Habakkuk voices a lament to God. Unlike the laments in the Psalms, this one shows us God's response. In his lament, Habakkuk cries out to God. He asks for God's help, intervention, and justice. Like most other laments, Habakkuk responds with trust in God.    

The book begins with the prophet looking at the sin and idolatry around him and asking, "O LORD, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear? Or cry to you “Violence!” and you will not save? Why do you make me see iniquity, and why do you idly look at wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; strife and contention arise" (1:2-3).

God responded to Habakkuk's question but not in the way he expected. God told Habakkuk that he would deal with the sin and idolatry. He would deal with it by sending Babylon to exact his justice. God would judge not only Judah, but their enemies as well. "Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told. For behold, I am raising up the Chaldeans, that bitter and hasty nation, who march through the breadth of the earth, to seize dwellings not their own" (1:5-7).

This was hard for Habakkuk to hear. Babylon was an evil nation. Why would God use them to punish Judah? Habakkuk responded and affirmed God's sovereignty, holiness, and power, "Are you not from everlasting, O LORD my God, my Holy One? We shall not die. O LORD, you have ordained them as a judgment, and you, O Rock, have established them for reproof." (1:12).

But he still wanted to know, why? (vs.13).

God responded by reminding Habakkuk that God rules and reigns over all things. God's purposes will come to pass in his time (2:3). He then went on to list a series of "woes" against Babylon, revealing the judgment they would face.

It may seem that evil is winning the day, but one day, God's glory will cover the earth, "For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD as the waters cover the sea" 2:14). For those of us who watch the evil around us in the world or in our own lives and wonder when God will move, this is a good reminder. As our Savior said, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). Through his perfect life, sacrificial death, and resurrection from the grave, Christ has conquered sin and death. He is the great Overcomer. He has won the victory. As believers, we are called to live by faith in what Christ has done. It is our present hope in this fallen world and the down payment on our hope to come in eternity.

Habakkuk responded with a prayer in chapter 3. He focused on God's character, describing God's mercy (vs. 2), his glory, power, and holiness (vs. 3-6). Habakkuk then went on to remember what God did the past and his faithfulness toward his people, "You marched through the earth in fury; you threshed the nations in anger. You went out for the salvation of your people, for the salvation of your anointed" (vs. 12-13). 

Like other laments in Scripture, Habakkuk was honest about how he felt concerning the judgment to come, "I hear, and my body trembles; my lips quiver at the sound; rottenness enters into my bones; my legs tremble beneath me. Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble to come upon people who invade us" (vs. 16). He was filled with dread and anxiety, such that his whole body trembled. Yet...

Even if...

The book of Habakkuk ends with my favorite passage, "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places" (3:17-19).

This passage is my favorite because it reminds me that my faith in God rests not in what he provides or doesn't provide, not in whether he moves in my life the way I desire or whether he rescues me from hard things. It reminds me that my joy is not dependent upon what I have. My joy is found in God, who is my salvation and my strength. Whatever my circumstances, whatever fears or anxieties I have, whatever darkness lurks on the horizon, whatever is happening in the world around me, God is my salvation and my joy. This passage is not only a reminder of what is true, but it's also my prayer that it would be the condition of my heart.

Habakkuk placed his trust and hope in the God who was faithful to his people in the past and trusted in his promises for the future. Jesus came as the answer to those promises. He is the answer to the suffering, injustice, and evil in the world. He is the One to whom all the stories of redemption and deliverance in the Old Testament point to. On this side of the cross, we can trust in God's perfect plan. We too can "quietly wait." We can rejoice even in the midst of our anxieties (vs. 16). Christ has come and is with us in the darkest days. And he will come again and make all things new. 

When We Pray With Our Children

From a young age, children mimic those around them. They hold pretend phones up to their ears and carry on one-way conversations. They play dress-up and pretend to take their stuffed animal’s temperature, fight a fire, or cook a meal. Sometimes, they even take on a parental tone of voice, shake their finger, and correct the family pet.

This tendency to mimic others is seen in spiritual areas as well. Children learn from us how to pray by watching and listening to us pray. They fold their hands like we do. They say “Amen” at the end of prayers along with us. They learn quickly to ask God for help, healing, and provision. Because children learn by watching us, we can use prayer time to disciple our children in the faith. As we pray for meals, skinned knees, and discipline issues, we can be intentional in the words we use to teach our children more about God, who He is, and what He has done for them in Christ. Our prayers can be theological lessons that reach the heart of our young listeners, training them in the gospel of grace...

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Traveling and Pilgrim Living

My husband and I have wanderlust. Now, before you get concerned, raise your eyebrows, and prepare to click away from this page, you should know that wanderlust means "a desire to travel."

Once, we were at the airport having just landed from a domestic flight. As we pulled our suitcases past the ticket counters for international travel, my husband looked wistfully at those standing in line and said, "I would love to just hop on the plane and head somewhere in Europe." I shook my head and laughed. 

Some of our travels take us to cities within driving distance. Others have taken us to the opposite end of the country. Still others to another country all together. We enjoy visiting large cities and small villages. We delight in touring historical sites and museums as well as hiking mountain trails and exploring national parks. We loved seeing the Eiffel Tower as much as dog sledding on a glacier in Alaska. We enjoy trying the foods unique to a culture and place. It's exciting to travel to someplace unknown and explore it for the first time.  

Our Spiritual Journey

The Apostle Peter referred to believers as sojourners and aliens (1 Peter 2:11). The author to the Hebrews described the heroes of the faith as strangers and exiles. "These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city" (Hebrews 11: 13-16). Jonathan Edwards commented on this passage: "this life ought to be so spent by us, as to be only a journey or pilgrimage towards heaven."

Spiritually, we are travelers. We are on a journey. We are merely visitors here because we belong in heaven. There are many parallels between our earthly travels and our spiritual pilgrimage. Here are just a few:

Traveling and Pilgrim Life

1. Pack lightly: I always tell my kids before we embark on a trip, "Pack your bags with what you wouldn't want to miss while we are gone. But remember, you have to lug it around yourself." Anyone who has traveled knows how much easier a trip is if you don't have to drag multiple bags around a city. On our first trip to Europe, we got lost searching for our hotel in London. Our suitcases were huge and we dragged them up and down streets, searching for the hotel (they didn't have the spinning wheels to make it easier). The longer we walked, the farther I trailed behind my husband. When we finally got to our room, we promptly fell asleep (breaking the big rule of travel—always conform to the time zone you are in).

Baggage in our spiritual journey will weigh us down as well. In the beginning of the classic allegorical tale, Pilgrim's Progress, Christian gets stuck in the Slough of Despond. He was weighed down by his sins (a weight titled "Burden," which he carried on his back) and the guilt over those sins, so much so that he sunk into the slough. Later in his journey, Christian came to the cross and that's when he finally dropped his Burden. Paul says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 12:1).

We lay our sins and burdens at the cross of Jesus as we appropriate what he did for us in his life, death, and resurrection. Christ has set us free from all our burdens. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).

2. Nothing goes as planned: One of the things I most looked forward to in Scotland was exploring the Highlands. We rented a car, got trail advice from a local, and promptly drove off to find a hiking trail. We made it less than a mile before we got into an accident (something to do with having to drive on the opposite side of the road and all). The rental company wouldn't let us rent another car. So no hiking in the Highlands for us. 

Another time we were in Nicaragua and headed back to the airport. It was a two hour drive down a rural dirt road. Our driver only spoke Spanish and ours is minimal at best. Midway through the journey, we broke down on the side of the road. Talk about nothing going as planned!

Our journey in life rarely goes as planned. How often do we begin our day only to look back on it at the end of the day and realize how little we accomplished on our to-do lists? "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps" (Proverbs 16:9). In fact, God often interrupts our plans to help us grow in faith as we learn to depend more and more upon him and his grace. "Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns, and I will build a wall against her, so that she cannot find her paths. She shall pursue her lovers but not overtake them, and she shall seek them but shall not find them. Then she shall say, ‘I will go and return to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now" (Hosea 2:6-8). Obstacles block our path. Unexpected twists and turns delay us. Sometimes we have to make u-turns and start over. The good news is that God governs it all for his glory and our good (Romans 8:28). 

3.  A guide is helpful: We've used local tour guides a few times to help us navigate unfamiliar cities. A guide drove us up the famed Lombard Street in San Francisco. Another walked us through the WWII sites of Northern France. But our favorite tour was through the city of Paris. Our guide took us on a walking tour of each neighborhood, explaining the history and pointing out important sites. She helped us learn the transportation system and told us the best places to eat. The tour prepared us for going out on our own the next day.

As believers, we all need guides, mentors that lead us through unfamiliar terrain. We need those with spiritual wisdom who can lead us in our journey as pilgrims. That's what Titus 2 is all about, "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled" (2:3-5). We need other believers who have walked the path before us, to disciple us in God's truth and spur us on in the faith. After all, they know what it's like to lose jobs, to struggle in marriage, to have prodigal children, to have doubts and fears. Spiritual mentors know what it's like to cling to the gospel when nothing makes sense; their wisdom is essential to our journey as pilgrims.

4. As fun as traveling is, there are always reminders that it's not home: Everyone knows what it feels like to return home to your own bed and realize how much better you sleep there. My husband and I were recently in NYC and remarked on how loud it was. The incessant honking was aggravating. The long lines reminded us of waiting for a ride at Disney. As much as we loved our time exploring the city, we were happy to return to our more sedate home and life—and favorite pillows! Though we enjoyed visiting, we just didn't belong there.

Much in our pilgrim journey will remind us we are not at home. Sin, sickness, brokenness, and grief remind us on a daily basis that we don't belong here. We were made for something more and someplace better. Just as our body knows it's not lying on our bed at home, our souls know we are not where we belong. "For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come" (Hebrews 13:14). These reminders keep us from growing roots that cling to this world. Instead, we need set our minds on things above. "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth" (Colossians 3:1-2).

5. No matter how much you try not to look like a tourist, you still stand out: When we lived in Florida, we could spot a tourist at the beach without any effort. They were pale and arrived at the beach like they were moving in, with bags and bags of gear. They were also the only ones who went into the water in the wintertime.

My husband and I try hard to fit in and look like we know what we are doing while traveling but inevitably we give up and stop someone to ask for directions. While touring around Boston last year, we got lost on the train system. We asked an attendant for directions. In her thick Boston accent she said, "You aren't from here are you?" (Was it that obvious?) "No," we smiled. "We're from Florida."

Those who believe in Christ will inevitably stand out in this world. We have to because we represent something and Someone different than the world around us. Our accent is different because we speak God's word stored in our hearts. Our clothing is different because we are robed in Christ's righteousness. The work we do is different because we work to please our Maker first and foremost. We'll even look different because the glory of God shines on us and we reflect those rays in greater brilliance the longer we know him. And all of this is to have an impact in the world in which we live, "Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation" (1 Peter 2:22).

As believers, we are strangers and aliens in this world. We are citizens of heaven, "But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ" (Philippians 3:20). Our life on earth is a journey to the Celestial City, to our home, the place where we belong. 

Are there any other comparisons you've experienced between traveling and your life as a pilgrim?

This is Love

Last year, I found my kids these fun Star Wars Valentines. They had cute sayings like, "Join the heart side" and "You're my only hope." 

This is the month of love, the time of year when we express our love to those we hold dear. We give out Valentines, heart shaped chocolates, and other treats. It's interesting how a concept like "love" can be reduced to phrases like, "Be mine" "True love" and "One and only." (Personally, my favorite part is the chocolate!) Certainly, it's fun and sweet to give one another cards and gifts on February 14. But on the whole, the holiday is a yearly reminder that love in our culture stands in stark contrast to Biblical love. 

In studying for my forthcoming book, I spent some time in the book of 1 John. Written by the author of the gospel of John and Revelation, 1 John is written to believers to help them test the genuineness of their faith. One of three tests mentioned in the book is that of love. And unlike the phrases stamped on conversation hearts and rhymes on Valentine cards, it takes John more than a few words to describe the love God has for us, the love we have for God, and the love we ought to have for one another.  

This is Love: 4 Truths about Love from 1 John

Love is rooted in the gospel: "In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another" (4:11-12). Love begins with God's love for us. As Ephesians 1 says, "in love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ" (vs. 4-5). We didn't love God first, he loved us when we were still sinners, "but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). We love because God first loved us (4:19). Our love for God and others is rooted in God's love expressed for us through Jesus Christ.

God is love: "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love" (4:8). To understand what love is, we have to look to God because he is love. John goes on to describe God's love, "In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him" (4:9). God showed us what his love is by giving us his Son. "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us" (3:16). 

If we love God, we will love one another: "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God" (4:7). The love we have for others is a natural overflow of our love for God. It's a litmus test of our faith. "If we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us" (4:12). "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers" (3:14). In fact, it is this love for others that shows the world we are Christ's followers. As Jesus said in John 13:35, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." 

Love reveals itself in action, not words: "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth" (3:16-18). Love is more than saying, "I love you." It is revealed in the way we treat others. When we lay down our lives for one another, sacrificing time, effort, money, and our very selves, it demonstrates our love.  

The book of 1 John would make a lengthy card this Valentine's Day but it sums up love well. As we give our spouses and loved ones candy, cards, and other heart shaped confections, let's remember that true love is more than a catch phrase stamped on a piece of candy. It is a life poured out for another, as Christ poured out his life for us.  

Catch those Foxes!

It's amazing how little things can ruin your day. Lost keys. Alarm failing to go off. Getting stuck behind a school bus while running late for an appointment. ATM out of cash. Broken dishwasher. Forgetting to pack a lunch. These are all little things, but like a paper cut, they sting. And when these little things happen one after another, they build up into bigger things. Until you get to the end of the day and count it as a "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." 

Little things cause problems in marriage too.

The Little Things of Marriage

The Song of Solomon is a book of poetry celebrating the love of marriage. "I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine" (Song of Solomon 6:3). It focuses on the romantic love between a young shepherd and shepherdess in Israel. Through its prose, it reveals God's wisdom for the marriage relationship, especially a marriage's faithfulness, enduring love, physical affection, and security.  

In the midst of this romantic work is the caution, "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom” (Song of Solomon 2:15). Foxes love to eat the grapes in a vineyard. Like rabbits that devour your vegetable garden or ants that come after your picnic lunch, foxes are trouble for the vineyard...to read the rest of this post, visit For the Family.