I Want More Than Happiness for My Children

I recently watched a television show where one of the characters was talking to her friend about her daughter. She expressed concerns that the man her daughter was engaged to wasn’t a man of integrity or honesty. “I just want her to be happy,” she said.

That statement, “I just want my child to be happy” seems like a good statement. We nod our head, yes, of course, parents should want their children to be happy. But on further examination, it’s a concerning statement. In the case of the television show, it kept a mother from speaking the truth to her daughter. While that was just a fictional situation, it’s also a ruling standard in the real lives of many parents today.

The Pursuit of Happiness

In our culture, happiness is the highest goal in life. We pursue it at all costs, through relationships, wealth, fame, and success. When it comes to our children, we seek their happiness at all costs as well. We sacrifice our time and money to provide sports and activities, the latest gadgets and toys, the best education, and memorable experiences, all in an effort to provide the happiness we think our children need...to read the rest of this post, visit Revive Our Hearts, my writing home today. 

Faithfulness in the Seasons of Ministry

I often say that I learn just as much during our home-school lessons as my children. And that has been just as true this year in our study of Botany.  Learning all the unique ways that plants grow, bear fruit, and scatter seeds is nothing short of amazing. The wonder and glory of God’s creative hand was magnified as I looked at the road map etched into the veins and midrib of a maple leaf and as we carefully dissected the carpel of a lily. Indeed, the plant kingdom is a testament to the power of our Creator God.

In exploring the plant kingdom with my children, I’ve seen many parallels to our lives. The seasons of waiting for growth, the seasons of fruitfulness, the seasons of scattering new seed, and the seasons of quiet and rest that occur in flowers and plants are found in our own lives as well. More specifically, such seasons are seen as we live out our call in ministry.

Whatever our ministry, whether it is to other countries and cultures, women in our church, children, our neighbors, our family, or wherever God has placed us, we will all experiences seasons in ministry. There are three main seasons I’d like to explore in this article...to read the rest of this post, visit enCourage, my writing home today.

What Not to Say to the Hurting

Confession: I often watch sappy shows on TV like those on the Hallmark Channel. One thing I notice is that every time a character has a struggle in their life, their friend or family member says some sort of useless platitude like, “This will work out, things will get better. You’ll see.” These kinds of phrases remind me of the song from one of my favorite childhood movies, Annie: “when I’m stuck with a day that’s grey and lonely, I’ll stick up my chin and grin and say…the sun will come out tomorrow.” This song is similar to the 1980’s classic, “Don’t worry be happy.”

Such phrases sound nice. They make us feel helpful in saying them. They even come from good intentions. But in truth, they hold little meaning. Christians have their platitudes as well, those things we say to hurting friends and family members. Perhaps you've heard them. “God will turn this out for your good” “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” “You should rejoice in your suffering” "Your loved one is in a better place now" "This too shall pass." Our platitudes can come from truth but are often misplaced and misused.

Why are such platitudes wrong to say? Ed Welch says that such platitudes circumvent our compassion (Side by Side, p.105). Sometimes, even if a statement comes from Scripture, such as “God will use this for your good” it’s not the time to say it. When someone has just experienced a severe loss, we need to be sensitive to them. When a wound is fresh, we don’t want to add more pain to it. Even something that is true like, “you should take joy in your trials” is hurtful when someone has just learned that they have been diagnosed with stage four cancer. There is a time for speaking such Biblical truths but it’s not when the wound is new and raw and fresh. As Proverbs 25:20 says, “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.” The Bible doesn’t say to rejoice with those who mourn. It says to mourn with those who mourn. 

Saying something like, “everything is going to be okay” is also unkind because it’s not always true. The sun doesn’t always come out tomorrow. Sometimes marriages do fail and end in divorce. People do lose their jobs and homes. The cancer doesn’t always go away and people do die. Sin and the fall are real. Horrible things happen to people. Traumatic things. Things that leave lasting, painful scars. We are not being a good friend when we tell people that everything will be okay.

And when someone has lost someone dear to them, no matter how old they are, or how sick they might have been, it hurts. The grief is real. To say that it is better for their loved one to be dead is unkind. Though it's true that if the loved one was a believer, it is better to be with Christ (Phil. 1:23). But let's not forget that death is part of the curse. It came as a result of the fall. Every time someone dies, no matter how old they are, it is a reminder that things are not as they should be. All death should cause us to mourn and grieve because our world is broken and we desperately need Christ to come and make all things new.

So instead of platitudes, let's sit with our hurting friends. Let's cry with them. Let's hold their hand and listen. Let's mourn with them. Let's pray for them. And let us remind them of the One who wept for them, who bled for them, who even now catches their tears, and who will one day dry their tears forever. 

Want to Know how to Love? Ask an Older Woman

I have a guilty pleasure. I enjoy browsing Pinterest for new recipes, homeschooling ideas, and fun crafts (admittedly though, I never do the crafts). Almost every time I scroll through the pins, I see ones for blog posts on the topic of loving your husband. “20 Ways to Love Your Husband” “How to Truly Love Your Husband” “10 Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ to Your Husband.”

Flesh and Blood vs. Online Resources

As wives, we all desire to grow in our love for our husbands. In our internet saturated culture, we often turn to online resources when we want to learn something or when we are seeking a solution to a problem. For certain, the blog posts and articles we find online contain plenty of great ideas and tips for how to love our husbands. Many contain good reminders of things we know but often forget in the midst of our busy lives. But I do wonder if we want to learn how to love someone, should online resources be our go-to source of wisdom on how to love? Or are there other resources we overlook?...to read the rest of this post, visit the CBMW, my writing home today. 

 

A Prayer for When Life is Disappointing

Some days our plans just don't come to fruition. All that we expected and looked forward to goes awry. We struggle and push forward only to fall back down again.

And we wonder, why?

The world tells us that we can do whatever we put our mind to do. If we wish hard enough, we can click our heels and end up wherever our heart desires most. There are some Christians who say the same thing, that Jesus is our spiritual candy machine, dispensing dreams and hopes at the push of a prayer. They say that God wants us to be happy and wants us to have everything we've ever wanted. We just need to believe and pray harder.

But the reality of our Christian life speaks otherwise. Disappointment is part of life in this fallen world. Things don't work the way they are supposed to. People let us down. Hard things happen. As believers, we shouldn't be surprised when things don't work out, when we face difficulty, or when life is disappointing. That's because Adam fell into sin, we all fell into sin. The imprint of sin is on everything. Even the earth itself groans with the weight of it. We apply for a job and are told we aren't qualified. We work hard for a promotion only to have someone else get it. We've turned thirty and there's no ring on our finger. We finally have enough money to buy our first house, only to be outbid by someone else. The pregnancy test comes back negative. We feel left out of community in our church. Our children struggle in school, choose the wrong friends, or have no interest in spiritual things. The ministry we've worked so hard to create never gets off the ground. 

Indeed, the list of disappointments in this life are too many to count.

But there's gospel hope even in the midst of our disappointments. As Jesus said, “In this world you will have sorrow, but take heart, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Jesus said we will have sorrow. We will have disappointments and heartaches. Anyone who tells us otherwise is preaching a false gospel. But Jesus also pointed to our hope, "I have overcome the world." The disappointments of life in this fallen world remind us that our Savior has come. He has fought sin and death and won. He broke the power of sin, cancelled our debts, and secured our eternity with him. Our hope and joy and contentment are not found in the things of this world but in Christ and what he has accomplished for us. 

In fact, these disappointments we experience rather than being walls we can't climb, instead become doorways to something else entirely. They become opportunities for change. The change we need most: heart change. They are opportunities to draw near to God, to seek his face, and to find him as the greatest desire of our heart. 

God is preparing us now, in this life, for eternity. He uses our struggles and challenges to sanctify us and make us holy. He is making us increasingly more like Christ by stripping away the layers of sin and removing the counterfeit loves in our heart. So when disappointments come, we can ask ourselves, "What might God be doing?" "What do I need to learn from this?" "How can I seek him in this?"  And rather than despair over our disappointments, we can remember that what disappoints us now will in the end make us more like our Savior (James 1:2-4).

Is life disappointing you today? Cry out to God in prayer.

Father in Heaven,

I come before you with a heart weighed down by disappointments. Life hasn’t turned out like I expected. I feel let down, like I’ve been failed in some way. I don't know what to do with these disappointments. Part of me wants to complain, part of me wants to give up in despair, and part of me wonders, Why do I even bother?

I guess my question is, Why is life so disappointing? Why can't anything go the way it should? Why can’t I make any headway? Will I ever reach my goals or see an end to these constant uphill battles?

Yet even as I ask these questions, your Spirit prompts me in remembrance of your word. I know why life is disappointing. I know that it’s not supposed to be this way. You created everything to work together in perfect harmony. But ever since that day when my first parents ate the fruit you told them not to eat, life has been marred and broken by sin. Disappointments rule the day. Everything from the earth itself, to my body, to relationships, to my dreams, they all fail to work the way they are supposed to.

Father, forgive me for complaining about my situation. Forgive me for wallowing in my self-pity. Forgive me for my discontentment. Yes, I know why life is disappointing and I should not be surprised. But what do I with those disappointments? How do I wake up every day knowing that life will not work the way it is supposed to and that a struggle or trial will appear at some time in my future?

Your Spirit prompts me again and I remember your Son. The Man of Sorrows. He knew the disappointments of this life. Your word says, "He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not" (Isaiah 53:3). He willingly entered this dark world, filled with brokenness, pain, sin, and sorrow. He took on the same weak flesh that I wear. He experienced everything I experience. Yet he did not sin. He did what I cannot do. He woke up every morning knowing that it was one day closer to the day he would give up his life for me and he willingly took those steps forward. For me. And then when the time had come, he took on all my sin at the cross, suffering the curse I deserved. In that moment, he reversed the curse that started the day Eve bit into the flesh of that forbidden fruit.

I thank you Father for providing a way out of that curse. I thank you that because of your Son, I have the hope of heaven and eternity with you forever. I long for the day when all things will be restored to its rightful place, where there will be no more disappointments and sorrows and I'll be finally freed of my sin forever.

Until then, I live in this in-between time, where Jesus has won the victory but skirmishes still remain. Though he has conquered the power of sin in my life, the presence of sin still remains. Disappointments remain. I continue to face trials and challenges.

Help me Father to have an eternal perspective. Help me to see my disappointments in light of what Jesus purchased for me at the cross. Help me to seize those disappointments as opportunities to draw closer to you and not away from you. Help me to learn from them. Help them to shape me more and more into the image of your Son. Help me to see Jesus in them and to see his love and grace for me.

I want to maintain the tension between knowing why there are disappointments and knowing that they will one day come to an end. I want those disappointments to drive me to you. Help me to hunger and thirst for you, more than for anything else. Help me to see that only you can comfort my disappointed heart, only you can fill up my emptiness, only you can give me the joy I long for. Holy Spirit, strengthen me for this fight. Give me gospel joy even in the midst of failed expectations. Prompt my mind and heart to always remember Jesus, the Man of Sorrows who conquered sin and death to bring peace to the chaos, healing for the broken, and forgiveness for sins.

In the name of Jesus I pray,

Amen.

When God Doesn't Answer Why

One of my kids is going through a developmental stage in which everything needs to be logical, to make sense. The typical parent response of “Because I said so” doesn’t cut it anymore. When he makes a request and I say no, he wants to know why.

"I can’t always give you an answer you will like or even understand," I recently told him. "Sometimes my decisions are based on the big picture and may not be something I can explain to you. In those situations, you’re going to have to remind yourself that I’m your mom and I love you. You’re going to have to trust me."

When We Ask ‘Why?’

I understand my son’s struggle to accept my decisions since I sometimes struggle over the circumstances God brings into my own life. They don’t always make sense, and I too want to know why. Why am I in this pain? Why am I waiting so long? Why has this trial come into my life? Why hasn’t God answered my prayer?

We aren’t alone in asking such questions. The psalmists asked God many questions, including the why question..to read more of this post, visit The Gospel Coalition, my writing home today.