Reflections on My Own Fear

As a writer, I often have the opportunity to live out what I write about— to practice what I preach, so to speak. It is where what I say I believe is put to the test. This happens in countless small ways, as well as in big, life changing moments.

With my new book, A Holy Fear: Trading Lesser Fears for the Fear of the Lord, coming out, I recently had the opportunity to face my fears up close and apply what I wrote in the book. A couple of weeks ago, I was t-boned by a drunk driver. It was terrifying. There is no other word for it.

As a result of the accident, the traffic was backed up so much, my husband could not come from home to be with me at the accident scene. My son was able to park nearby and he drove me home. As he drove, I kept saying, “I could have died. I could have died.”

He responded, “Mom, God is in control. He didn’t want you to die, so you didn’t.”

Given the speed of the driver and the circumstances, it still amazes me that I walked away from the accident without any major injuries, or worse. But it shouldn’t amaze or surprise me, given what I know to be true about the God who rules over all things.

My son’s quick response has stayed with me the past two weeks. I’ve mulled over it. I’ve repeated it to myself. What I said to him the night of the accident was not true; I simply could not have died because God did not will for me to die at that intersection. One of my friend’s uses the phrase “the school of God’s sovereignty” to describe life lessons learned about our sovereign God. It’s a good phrase and one which describes well the training I’ve received in recent weeks. This training has pointed me to the God who alone knows the number of my days.

The point of A Holy Fear is to direct the gaze of fearful hearts—including my own!—away from our lesser fears and upward to the holy One seated on his throne. To see the One who is wholly other; the One who rules over all. To marvel at the One who flung the stars across the galaxy, who scatters the frost like ashes, and who numbers each hair on our head. To be wonderstruck that such a One would set his love on us and make us his own. To glory and savor his generous love and grace poured out on us in Christ. To prostrate our hearts before him in utter amazement that he would welcome us into his presence. And as a result, to see him as greater than all that we fear, including death itself.

For he is greater.

A Holy Fear is about the fear of the Lord, but this fear is not like the fear I felt when the truck struck my driver’s side door and pushed me across the road. It’s not like the fear we’ve felt all year in the face of a pandemic. It’s not like the fear we’ve felt as we’ve looked ahead to an unknown future. This fear is a fear rooted in awe, wonder, reverence, adoration, and trust. It is a fear born out of love—the love of a child for a Father. It’s a fear which C.H. Spurgeon said was shorthand for “expressing real faith, hope, love, holiness of living, and every grace which makes up true godliness.”

These past couple of weeks I’ve been relishing these truths afresh. I’ve been enjoying the sweet taste of God’s grace for me. And learning anew what it looks like to face my own fears with a holy fear— the fear of the One who is greater.

Want to learn more about what it means to fear the Lord? You can find my new book here.

For the Heart that is Overwhelmed

This is the time of year I most feel overwhelmed. That back to school, back to sports, back to parent volunteer duties, back to driving everywhere time of year. It comes on like a deluge and I feel as though I am drowning in responsibilities and places I have to be and worries I will forget to pick someone up.

But to add a pandemic on top of it all is a whole other thing.

Your fall may look far different from mine but I would venture to say you feel just as overwhelmed. We all are. Overwhelmed by losses, changes, and the unknowns. Overwhelmed by news reports and disheartening stories. Overwhelmed by what is happening in the world and in our culture. Overwhelmed by worries, fears, and stressors. Just when we think there couldn’t possibly one more bad thing to happen this year, we learn of another event. We try to cope with these emotions by reading and sharing memes that joke about 2020. If we could, we’d push fast forward on this year and skip ahead to the next, hoping for a brighter future on the other side of December 31st.

For some of us, feeling overwhelmed stops us in our tracks. We freeze in place and struggle to make simple decisions. Others of us might get out our to-do lists in an attempt to reign in all that is out of control. Still others may turn to distractions to get their mind on something else for a change. Often, feeling overwhelmed can lead us to look to false saviors for help and hope in the midst of the chaos. To be honest, I know each of these responses well.

And I’m still overwhelmed.

One of the things that weighs me down the most when I am overwhelmed is when I look ahead to the future. Whatever it is that overwhelms me, I simply can’t imagine bearing the load day after day. My resources are slim and I fear running out of time, energy, wisdom, creativity, and strength. I look at the calendar and fear I simply won’t have what it takes to get through the coming month. I look at all the responsibilities stacked up high and worry I can’t complete them. I consider all the things that could go wrong in the days and weeks to come and my worries press down on me even more.

All too often, I live there in the future, focused on what may or may not happen. I worry about not being prepared. I fear running short. I fear not having enough, not being enough, not doing enough. In doing so, I forget that God is greater than anything that may overwhelm me. I forget who he is and what he has done. I forget his extravagant grace in providing what I need most: salvation from sin. I forget he is Jehovah Jireh and all the times he has provided for me in the past. I forget how he has strengthened me in my weakness, sustained me in trials, and carried me in my sorrows.

I also forget that his mercy for me is new each day and his well of grace never runs dry. He is the source and wellspring of all that I need to live for him in this crazy and chaotic world. In fact, he’s already provided everything I need to live a life of godliness (2 Peter 1:3). Yet, rather than trust in God to strengthen and sustain me each day, I’m like the Israelites who collected more manna than they needed, thinking they would store it up for the next day—only to find it rotten and inedible. I live my life on the insufficient fumes of my own resources instead of the grace God generously provides.

The truth is God doesn’t call us to depend upon ourselves; he calls us to trust in him to provide what we need to live for him. He gives us just what we need for each day and promises to be there on the next to provide for us again. And he is not stingy with his grace, for as John wrote “he gives us grace upon grace” (John 1:16). God doesn’t tell us what tomorrow brings; rather, he calls us to follow after him, trusting he will lead and guide us. The Israelites did not know the path through the desert; God led them as a pillar of cloud by day and of fire by night. He leads us today by his word and his Spirit at work within us. We may not have a map or know what tomorrow brings, but we are assured God is with us and will give us just what we need.

For all the hearts that are overwhelmed today, we need that gentle reminder that God is far bigger than whatever overwhelms us. He owns all things, keeps all things, and sustains all things. May we live in his grace today.

Three Certainties for Uncertain Times

Uncertainty. If there’s one word I would use to describe this year and life during a world-wide crisis, it’s uncertainty. The dictionary defines uncertainty as “being in a state of regular or constant change.”

Sounds about right.

Just about everything is uncertain these days. Health. Jobs. The economy. School this fall. Things change on a daily basis so there seems little in which to plant our hopes or expectations for the future. It’s hard to know what or who to depend upon—or believe. And with all the uncertainty comes a host of questions which swirl around our mind each day. Will I get sick? Will someone in my family get sick? How bad will it be? What will happen to my job—will I even keep it? What will school be like for our children this fall? And always percolating in the back of our mind is the big unknown: When will things ever return to normal?

As believers, we are not left on our own to navigate through uncertain times. While uncertainty is hard and challenging, we do have hope. We have certainty even in uncertain times.

Three Certainties for Uncertain Times

God Does Not Change: At times of uncertainty we have to return to what is true about God. We have to reminds ourselves of his character. One of God’s attributes is that he does not change. Malachi 3:6 says, “For I the LORD do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.“ God’s people had sinned against him but he did not destroy them because of the covenant he made with them. His promises stood firm. Theologians called this unchanging nature of God his immutability. Nothing about God can change. He can’t become less holy or righteous or merciful than he is. He can’t gain more wisdom or be more just than he already is. He won’t stop loving us or providing for us. He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8).

In times of chaos and constant change, God’s immutability is a fixed and steady truth for us to cling to. We can trust his promises for us will stand secure. We can know his word remains forever. We can trust that who God is in his character and being is the same today as it was when he called Abram out of Ur and when Isaiah saw him seated on the throne of heaven. He is the same God who sent the eternal Son to live and die in our place. God is the same promise-keeping, grace-showering, life-giving God, today and always.

God is Sovereign: God is not surprised by all this uncertainty. He is not taken off guard or caught unawares by the chaos. He has not gotten busy with some other task in the universe and returned to find the world a giant mess. God is sovereign. He is the supreme sovereign. “…for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose’” (Isaiah 46:9-10).

The One who flung the stars across the galaxy, the One who breathed in man the breath of life, is the One who rules over all he has made. As Christians, we can take great hope in knowing that God is sovereign over all details of our lives. Nothing and no one can thwart his good plans for us. He is at work in the midst of all the chaos, confusion, and uncertainty, orchestrating all things for our good and his glory (Rom. 8:28-29).

God is With Us: Even more, God is present with us in the chaos. The meta-promise of Scripture, “I will be their God and they shall be my people” was fulfilled in Christ when he took on human flesh and lived the life we could not live and died the death we deserved. Immanuel— God with us— brought order to the chaos of this world by healing all that was broken. He reconciled us to God. There are now no barriers between us; we can come to the throne in confidence and find help and grace in our time of need (Heb. 4:16).

Before our Savior returned to heaven, he promised a Helper would come. The Spirit has come and now lives within us. The very presence of God resides in our hearts. He comforts, guides, teaches, convicts, and trains us in righteousness. God is with us! Whatever the chaos, whatever the uncertainty, whatever the unknowns, we are not alone. We are held safe and secure. No evil can threaten to undo us. Let our hearts rejoice that God is near.

This is an uncertain time. There’s no telling how long it will go on. But as believers, we are not without hope. In the midst of uncertainty, we have a certain hope in our great God who is unchanging, sovereign, and present with us. May we rest in these certainties today.