As a writer, I often have the opportunity to live out what I write about— to practice what I preach, so to speak. It is where what I say I believe is put to the test. This happens in countless small ways, as well as in big, life changing moments.
With my new book, A Holy Fear: Trading Lesser Fears for the Fear of the Lord, coming out, I recently had the opportunity to face my fears up close and apply what I wrote in the book. A couple of weeks ago, I was t-boned by a drunk driver. It was terrifying. There is no other word for it.
As a result of the accident, the traffic was backed up so much, my husband could not come from home to be with me at the accident scene. My son was able to park nearby and he drove me home. As he drove, I kept saying, “I could have died. I could have died.”
He responded, “Mom, God is in control. He didn’t want you to die, so you didn’t.”
Given the speed of the driver and the circumstances, it still amazes me that I walked away from the accident without any major injuries, or worse. But it shouldn’t amaze or surprise me, given what I know to be true about the God who rules over all things.
My son’s quick response has stayed with me the past two weeks. I’ve mulled over it. I’ve repeated it to myself. What I said to him the night of the accident was not true; I simply could not have died because God did not will for me to die at that intersection. One of my friend’s uses the phrase “the school of God’s sovereignty” to describe life lessons learned about our sovereign God. It’s a good phrase and one which describes well the training I’ve received in recent weeks. This training has pointed me to the God who alone knows the number of my days.
The point of A Holy Fear is to direct the gaze of fearful hearts—including my own!—away from our lesser fears and upward to the holy One seated on his throne. To see the One who is wholly other; the One who rules over all. To marvel at the One who flung the stars across the galaxy, who scatters the frost like ashes, and who numbers each hair on our head. To be wonderstruck that such a One would set his love on us and make us his own. To glory and savor his generous love and grace poured out on us in Christ. To prostrate our hearts before him in utter amazement that he would welcome us into his presence. And as a result, to see him as greater than all that we fear, including death itself.
For he is greater.
A Holy Fear is about the fear of the Lord, but this fear is not like the fear I felt when the truck struck my driver’s side door and pushed me across the road. It’s not like the fear we’ve felt all year in the face of a pandemic. It’s not like the fear we’ve felt as we’ve looked ahead to an unknown future. This fear is a fear rooted in awe, wonder, reverence, adoration, and trust. It is a fear born out of love—the love of a child for a Father. It’s a fear which C.H. Spurgeon said was shorthand for “expressing real faith, hope, love, holiness of living, and every grace which makes up true godliness.”
These past couple of weeks I’ve been relishing these truths afresh. I’ve been enjoying the sweet taste of God’s grace for me. And learning anew what it looks like to face my own fears with a holy fear— the fear of the One who is greater.
Want to learn more about what it means to fear the Lord? You can find my new book here.
