A Witness to Life

Being homebound this spring found me outside in the warm afternoon sun. I’d set up my camping chair in the front yard, plop down, and read a book. Like everyone else, being stuck at home meant that life had slowed way down. Almost to a standstill.

As a result, I saw things I was too busy to see before.

That’s because my typical day is filled with driving. I drop off and pick up my children all throughout the day and into the evening. They take classes at hybrid model schools so their schedules vary from day to day. In addition, they participate in sports and other extra curriculars, including youth group. The past couple of years, I’ve considered myself their personal Uber driver. In addition to my job as chauffeur, my days were filled with writing and ministry duties, as well as all those responsibilities required to keep a household running.

And then everything came to a halt and I sat in my chair in the front yard.

And I saw life unfold before me.

Tree buds unfurled into green leaves. Flowers bloomed and fragranced my yard. Birds chirped and swooped over head. On one particular afternoon, a frog hopped over my foot, a chipmunk popped out of its hole to engage me in a staring contest, and a rabbit munched on an afternoon snack. I then watched a woodpecker climb the tree trunk in front of me, while courting Cardinals danced above me in the sky. All of this life, just in my little front yard!

It made me wonder, how much do I miss when my day is filled with to-do lists and errands? How much life do I miss when I run from one thing to the next? And not just life in God’s creation, but what about spiritual life? What opportunities do I miss to minister life to others and receive life from them in return? What life might I miss growing in the heart’s of my children? What life might I miss from not being in communion with the Lord?

I’ve heard others say they don’t want life to return to the level of intensity it was before this crisis began. I agree. I’ve enjoyed and treasured the talks I’ve had with friends, whether virtually or six feet apart on the walking trail. I’ve loved having dinner as a family together every night. I’ve enjoyed sweet fellowship with the Lord as I’ve lingered long over morning coffee with my Bible and journal in hand.

One thing I realized as I sat in my yard and witnessed God’s creation is that life is always going on, whether I notice it or not. God is always at work, showering his grace upon me and those around me. But when I’m too busy to notice, I miss out on the opportunity to be encouraged by that grace, to grow in my faith as a response to witnessing that grace, and to rejoice and glorify God for his generosity in giving his grace.

Too often, busyness keeps me from witnessing God’s glorious works and giving him the honor he is due.

If there’s one thing I want to take away from this unprecedented experience of pushing pause on life, I want to be intentional with what I do with my time. I want to make life a priority, not tasks. I want to make people my primary concern, not crossing items off a to-do list. I want my eyes wide open to view God’s grace in bringing life to dead places. Just as I did in my front yard, I want to see spring blossom in people.

I want to witness and testify to life.

When Fear Motivates Us

When I was a child, my grandmother would often go to our local mall before it opened and walk laps around both floors. If ever I went there to shop in the morning hours, I was sure to see her at some point on her rounds. One day, while walking at the mall, she fell and broke her shoulder. After months of healing, she never went back. I often thought it strange that she let a fall keep her from returning to an activity she so faithfully enjoyed.

Since then, I've experienced various things in my life that have given me pause. Whether it was breaking my arm roller skating and not wanting to put on skates again or being hurt by a friend and finding it difficult to trust others, I now understand what kept my grandmother from returning to her walks around the mall. It's hard not to look at present experiences through the lens of the past. It's hard not to react to difficult circumstances by building protective walls and barriers to keep out future hardship. It's hard not to react to the pains of life with avoidance, control, or fear.

Reactions to Life

There are many things that happen to us in our life that we react to. It could be something as simple as a fall or as complex and heartbreaking as losing someone we love. When painful circumstances cut into our lives, we remember that pain and work to keep it from happening again. Makes sense, right? Who wouldn't want a repeat of some hardship?

Yet in our efforts to protect ourselves from future harm, we may avoid things, places, and circumstances. In the face of the unknown and uncertain, we might be over-protective, cautious, and fearful. Our decisions, goals, and plans center around what we worry could happen. We may even attempt to control all the details of our lives in the hopes that we can keep ourselves and the ones we love safe from harm.

Many of us also develop life habits and patterns out of reaction to the circumstances in our lives. These patterns can take many forms and be unique to each of us. From the things we choose to eat or not eat, to the places we live or don't live; from the relationships we keep or don't keep, to the way we spend or don't spend our money; from the way we keep our homes to the way we raise our children; from the way we express ourselves to the way we use our time—all of these things can develop as reactions to the circumstances of our lives.

I've seen this time and again in my own life. Whether it's being extra cautious with my children's health after having gone through two surgeries with them or being slow to trust people because of being hurt in the past, I too live a reactionary life. I expect the worst, avoid failure at all costs, and am always on the lookout for the next disaster to roll in and crash into my life.

God's Response

Though we are often reactionary to the circumstances of life, thankfully, God doesn't react to us. He doesn't say "Oh, she's being too rebellious, I better tighten those reigns and take away all the good things in her life." He doesn't look at our weak faith, our doubts, our worries, and give up on us, give us the silent treatment, or a guilt trip. He doesn't react to our ongoing battles with sin in vengeance or wrath.

For those who are in Christ, God doesn't react to us. He responds.

He responded by sending his Son.

Jesus came as the answer to sin. He came to do what we could not do, perfectly obey God in every thought, word, and deed. He came to face our greatest fears and bear our deepest sorrows. He came in response to our reactionary lives where we try to do life on our own, attempt to be our own gods and goddesses, and try to control everything that happens to us. He came to set us free. 

Because of Jesus, we don't have to live reactionary lives. We don't have to always be on edge, worrying about our safety and security. We don't have to be motivated by fear of reliving past experiences. We don't have to always put other people to the test, to see if they really are trustworthy. We don't have to always expect the worst.

The reality is, living a reactionary life is not really living at all. Always being on alert and filled with fears and worry about the future steals our joy from the present. Being over-protective, controlling, and on edge doesn't actually do anything to change our circumstances. When we build our lives around what could happen, we fail to trust the One who made us, who loves us, and who suffered and died for us. 

Instead of reacting to life, we too can respond. We can respond to what Christ has done for us in love, worship, and trust. We can rest and cease our striving to make our lives work. We can give Christ all our burdens, sorrows, and fears. We can believe that his intentions toward us are good and are for our good. And if it comes, we can accept a trial because we know that God is sovereign and that he knows just what we need. We can endure rejection from others because we know Christ was rejected for our sake. We can face the heartaches and sorrows of this world, knowing that nothing can ever separate us from the love of Christ.

If you've lived a reactionary life for far too long, look to Christ. Stand at the foot of the cross and see his response to your sin, sorrow, suffering, and shame. Repent of how you have reacted to life and pray for grace to respond in trust. Receive God's response of grace to you with joy and gladness. Relish with wonder the peace he gives that passes all understanding. And give thanks to the One who will never react toward you but always responds with love and grace.

His Grace Covers Me

I’ve been thinking a lot about God’s grace lately. About its depth and breadth. About its significance. About its necessity.

Grace is often define as unmerited favor. God’s grace is kindness we haven’t earned. Yet such grace is also de-merited favor. It’s not only that we haven’t earned God’s favor, we don’t even deserve it.

Life itself is an act of God’s grace: “nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything” (Acts 17:25). Certainly, God’s grace is inexorably linked to our justification: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8). But it’s also the source of sanctification: “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age” (Titus 2:11-12).

The more I dwell on God’s grace in my life, the more I see it:

• in the trials I face

• in times of waiting

• in times of joy

• in interruptions to my plans

• in challenging relationships

• in my failures

• in times of rest and refreshment

Indeed, God’s grace is more extensive, necessary, abundant, and amazing than my finite mind can fathom.

His Grace Covers Me

Before the very first dawn,
before life took its first breath,
I was known,
chosen,
beloved,
treasured.
Before I ever was, God’s grace covered me.

In a quiet garden, and on a moonlit night.
He prayed, wept, and left crimson droplets
He’s then arrested,
beaten,
mocked,
crucified.
A lamb slaughtered in my place.

His grace covered me.

Memories, like dark shadows, cling to me
Haunting me wherever I go
whispering,
chiding,
mocking,
shaming.
The past merges with the present, I cannot tell the difference.

Yet, his grace covers me.

My heart fixates on created things,
Striving to fill the aching void.
Longing for purpose,
meaning,
hope,
deliverance.
They fail to deliver and I only want more.

His grace still covers me.

My tongue is a traitor, saying things I soon regret.
Hurting those I love with:
sarcastic jabs,
biting retorts,
piercing put-downs,
harsh comebacks.
I wound and slay with the smallest of weapons.

His grace continues to cover me.

My world flips upside-down and inside-out
as I face sorrow and suffering:
loss,
illness,
persecution,
failure.
I cry out, “Why?” “How long?” and “When will you deliver?”

Then too, his grace covers me.

The day is almost night; my flesh and heart fail.
The veil gives way and I behold his face— now
perfected,
cleansed,
healed,
glorified.
Sanctified and complete, I worship before my Savior’s feet.

From beginning to end, his grace covers me.

Do you trace God’s grace in your life?

Abide in Christ

What tasks do you have set before you today? Perhaps you have to make an important presentation at work, the outcome of which will determine your future in the company. Or maybe you need to spend the day going through your finances to see just how you will pay those past due bills. It may be that you have to reach out to a friend or loved one to have a long and hard conversation you’ve put off for far too long. Whatever you have to face today, where are you placing your hope? What source of strength and help are you drawing from as you face that challenge? Where are you seeking life?

One of my favorite New Testament verses comes from Jesus’s Upper Room Discourse with the disciples on the night before he was betrayed. In John 15: 5, Jesus tells the disciples, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

Nothing. Nada. Zero.

Not a single thing.

As believers, we often mentally ascent to this truth, but fail to live it out in our daily lives. Too often, we attempt to face challenges in our own strength and wisdom. We try to create order out of the chaos of our days without considering the One who first spoke everything into existence. We rush headfirst into our problems without stopping to pray. We trust in our own efforts and plans. We look to our own wisdom to guide us rather than the wisdom of Christ.

And we expect to bear fruit all on our own.

But in John 15, Jesus tells us that there is nothing in us that can produce good fruit. We are incapable of doing any good apart from our union with Christ. As Ephesians 2 tells us, we were once dead in our trespasses and sins; dead people can’t do anything. We need to be brought back to life. The Spirit breathed in us the breath of life so we could respond to Christ by faith and receive forgiveness of our sins. Now we are united to him. All that he has done is ours. All that he has is ours. All that he is has now become ours.

This metaphor of the vine and branches speaks to this union. Christ is the vine out of which we receive all nourishment. He is the source and wellspring of our strength. He is wisdom incarnate. As John Calvin wrote, “But Christ dwells principally on this, that the vital sap -- that is, all life and strength -- proceeds from himself alone. Hence it follows, that the nature of man is unfruitful and destitute of everything good; because no man has the nature of a vine, till he be implanted in him. But this is given to the elect alone by special grace. So then, the Father is the first Author of all blessings, who plants us with his hand; but the commencement of life is in Christ, since we begin to take root in him. When he calls himself the true vine the meaning is, I am truly the vine, and therefore men toil to no purpose in seeking strength anywhere else, for from none will useful fruit proceed but from the branches which shall be produced by me.”

And so we must abide in Christ. We must depend upon him for all things. We must draw our resources from him. We must rest in Christ’s perfect life and sacrificial death alone to save us, not in anything we have done. We must commune with him through his word, prayer, worship, and the sacraments. We must look to him for wisdom.

Then we will bear fruit.

When we find ourselves facing a challenge or difficulty in our day, or even experiencing the blessings of God’s hand, we have to remind ourselves that all is of grace. Apart from our union with Christ, we can do nothing. The more we remember and live out this truth, the more we’ll see evidence of his fruit-bearing work in our lives.

When Life Isn't Fair

My boys were playing a board game one rainy afternoon. It was down to the last spin. One of my sons got the number he hoped for and crossed the finish line, winning the game. The loser stomped his feet and declared, "That's not fair! He always wins!"

My boys are not alone in their view of life. I often look at the circumstances of my life, my failed dreams, struggles and trials, and think, "It's not fair." I look at the successes of others, their achievements, adventures, and lifestyle and think, "Why them and not me?" And I wonder, why do some people seem to always win and I always lose?

I told my son when he lost the game that God intended it for a reason. I reminded him that God rules over everything, even a spinner on a game and he now had an opportunity to learn something from the loss. I also reminded him that by focusing on his loss, he missed an opportunity to rejoice with his brother and encourage him for his win.

Good advice for my own heart, wouldn't you say?

My kids often say that life isn't fair. I've told them that if life really were fair, we'd all get what we deserve—eternal death and separation from God. In fact, we don't deserve a single thing, neither life or breath or anything else. Yet God continues to let the rains come down on both the just and unjust (Matthew 5:45). He gives mercy each new morning (Lamentations 3:23). He strengthens the weary and gives peace to the anxious (Isaiah 40:29, Philippians 4:7).

But most importantly, God gives grace. "And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace" (John 1:16). It is by grace that our hearts are brought from death to life (Ephesians 2, Ezekiel 11). It is by grace that we are saved, secured and sanctified (Ephesians 2:8). And through grace, God will complete the work he began in us.

The truth is, if God treated me as I deserve, I wouldn't have a relationship with him. If God treated me fairly, he wouldn't spend so much time refining me. If God treated me based on what I earned, I would be hopeless and lost. But as the Psalmist penned, "He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities" (Psalm 103:10). Because of God's grace for me in Christ, I have a relationship with the Creator of the universe. My Maker and Creator knows me and I know him. I can come before the throne of grace and receive help in my time of need. And nothing can separate me from God's love.

I don't deserve God's love but he lavishes it upon me—what wonder!

When it comes to what God does in the lives in others and how he chooses to bless them, I have to remember that everyone has their own story. The prose God is writing in my life is for my good and his glory. He is using the circumstances, challenges, and failures in my life to transform me to be more and more like Christ. My story is different from others and I can't compare it. The individual chapters of my life may seem painful and feel unfair but woven together they form a beautiful tapestry of God's grace at work in my life. In fact, my story is included in the grand story of redemption, alongside the stories of my brothers and sisters in Christ. Rather than look at their stories in envy, I ought to rejoice at what God has done to unite our stories together.

It's true, life is unfair. But I wouldn't have it any other way. How about you?

God's Grace in Our Fears

A  new year is always a time of reflection and thinking back about what took place in the prior year. We often think about what we learned and hopefully how we want to grow and change as a result. For me, last year held a season of fear. You may remember I dealt with a health problem. I had a growth on my thyroid that the doctor's thought might be cancerous but were not able to determine from the biopsy. At the end of July, I had thyroid surgery to remove the growth (and half my thyroid).

The entire situation was disconcerting, worrisome, and at times, frightening. Certainly, all the medical procedures were no fun. But also the thought of cancer was frightening. It was a fresh reminder of my age, stage of life, and of the way time continues to sift through my hands. 

There is much to fear in this fallen world. Sickness, natural disasters, violence, job loss, relational conflict, just to name a few. The unknown future can be frightening. Such fear paralyzes. It's like a heavy cloud that envelopes us, suffocating, and blinding us to everything else.

Tracing Grace

Situations like mine, and perhaps like the one you are in right now, require extra grace. Grace to know that God is with us and will not leave us. Grace to believe and trust in his goodness. Grace to rest in God's sovereign care.

So that was my prayer last year: for God to give me grace. I needed him to guide me in the unknown. I prayed that I would see his hand at work—that I would trace his grace, gathering it together like a strand of lights to light the way in the darkness. 

God was faithful. 

I found friends and family who prayed for me and told me so.

I discovered kind doctors and nurses who spoke with confidence and reassurance.

I felt peace when I least expected it.

God provided even the smallest details like friends to watch my kids while we were at the hospital.

Not only did I see his grace in my circumstances, I also remembered his love and faithfulness to me in the past. I've experienced many fearful events and unknowns in my life and God has never failed me. He has been a rock and fortress time and time again. In all the little challenges and the big trials of life, God has repeatedly proven himself faithful. And in my greatest need of all, forgiveness of sin, he gave me his own son.

Because he gave me Jesus, how could I think he would fail to be faithful in anything else? 

Psalm 46 and Fear

As you know, I love the Psalms. One psalm I've always paused at in reading is Psalm 46. "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling."

For someone who is often weakened by fear, it's hard to imagine not having any fear in the face of something terrible. The important thing to notice is that the psalmist doesn't say, "even when the very worst happens, if you have strong faith and believe really hard, you won't have any fear." Rather, the psalmist says that because God is our refuge and strength and help in trouble, we will not fear.

The psalmist also remembered who God is in his power and holiness: "There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." God's presence keeps his church safe. This passage reminds me of Paul's assuring words that nothing can separate us from the love of God for us in Christ (Romans 8:38-39).

The psalmist then remembered what God has done in the past: "Come, behold the works of the LORD, how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire." 

Because God is faithful and gracious, because he is our Rock and Refuge, because of who he is and what he has done, the psalm concludes: "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of  Jacob is our fortress. Selah."

Soon after my surgery, I learned that I did not have cancer. (In case you were wondering). But I know that life in this fallen world will include more unknowns and more fears. The psalmist reminds me that God is with his people. He is our help. He is our refuge. Even when the world seems flipped upside down and even when the worst happens, God rules and reigns. He is faithful. The God of Jacob is a covenant keeping God; we belong to him.

God's grace is always present in our fears.