I recognize the feeling the moment it happens. A friend announces a new opportunity in her life or talks about a recent experience or shows me a material blessing and my first thought is, “Why not me?” I look at my own life and find it lackluster in comparison. I want what she has. It all seems so unfair. I’ve worked just as hard as she has but have nothing to show for it. Any blessings I have received fail to measure up to what she has. I then find myself stuck in the mire of self-pity— feeling sorry for myself that I’m missing out on all that my friend has that I don’t.
Comparison. It’s a struggle we all know too well. Whether it’s hearing about the ministry success of a peer or touring a friend’s new house or watching another child shine on the ball field while yours sits on the bench, we know what it’s like to compare our lives and what we have to someone else. And to want their life instead.
Such comparison reveals the idols of the heart in a way nothing else can. At least it does for me. It shows me how much I live for success or affirmation. It shows me how much I want other people to notice what I can do or what I’ve achieved. It reveals how much I live for the things of this world, rather the things of heaven.
Comparison is sneaky. It creeps up when we’re not paying attention. Yet the more we get caught in its trap, the more it steals our joy. It creates tension in our relationships. It turns our focus inward rather than upward. It tells us that God’s plan for us has failed; we know better how our life ought to be. It causes us to envy rather than give thanks for all that God provides.
While there are many ways comparison steals our joy, here are three ways I see comparison impact my own life:
Comparison makes us unable to rejoice with those who rejoice: In Romans 12:15, Paul exhorts us to “rejoice with those who rejoice.” In verse 10 he writes, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” These admonitions are all rooted in our union with one another in Christ. We are all part of the same body (12:4). God blesses each member of the body in different ways, giving us different gifts and graces. Because we are a part of the same body, the good that God does in another brother or sister’s life is our good as well and we are to rejoice with them in it. When we compare ourselves to one another, it keeps us from rejoicing with them. Instead, we feel bitterness. We begrudge the blessings in the life of another. We want ourselves to be honored rather than honor another. We want to be celebrated rather than celebrate what God has done for someone else.
Comparison pulls us away from community: When we hear of good news in the life of another, not only do we fail to rejoice with them, comparison then pulls us away from one another. It threatens our unity as we strive to outdo one another in our successes and achievements. We compete against one another, forgetting we are on the same team. We stop praying for the Lord’s blessing in each other’s lives and focus our prayers on our own desires. Instead of working with the body, we work against it.
Comparison breeds discontentment: Comparison also births discontentment in our hearts. The more we compare ourselves and our lives to one another, the more we are dissatisfied, because there’s always something we don’t have. There’s always someone who has something more. Rather than finding our satisfaction in Christ and who he is for us (Phil. 4:11-13), we seek after some elusive desire that fades like the sun burning off the morning fog.
In all these ways and more, comparison steals our joy and leaves behind only bitterness, envy, and discontentment. When we find our hearts tempted to compare our lives to others, may we look to him who “emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil. 2: 7-8). Paul tells us that this mind of Christ—this heart of humility, of counting others more significant—is “yours in Christ Jesus” (v.5). This means we don’t have to compare ourselves to others. Because we are one with Christ, we have all that we need to resist the temptation. He given us the “same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind” (v.2) so that we can “do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (v.3).
Let us be satisfied in Christ today and rejoice with those who rejoice.
Photo by Andrew Moca on Unsplash
