Book Review: Holy Sexuality

How do evangelical Christians view sexuality in light of what we hear in the culture around us? What does the Bible say about sexuality? How do believers respond to those who struggle with same sex attraction? All these questions and more author Christopher Yuan addresses in his latest book, Holy Sexuality and the Gospel: Sex, Desire, and Relationships Shaped by God’s Grand Story.

Holy Sexuality is a follow up to Yuan’s memoir, co-authored with his mother, titled Out of a Far Country: A Gay Son’s Journey to God, a Broken Mother’s Search for Hope. It tells the story of Yuan’s journey to faith and how he found his identity in Christ alone. At the end of this memoir, he referred to the concept of holy sexuality. This idea is what he unpacks in his latest book.

Holy Sexuality begins by developing a Biblical framework of human sexuality as seen through the lens of the Bible’s big story: Creation, Fall, Redemption, and Consummation. Beginning with Creation, Yaun explores how we were made in God’s image: “when we make anything else the core of our being—especially our sexuality—it’s not only a distortion of the imago Dei but also an affront to our Creator” (p.17). He then discusses original sin and the impact the fall had on all mankind. Because of the fall, we are all born into sin and are enslaved to it. “For each of us, sin affects all our faculties: actions, words, thoughts, and desires—including our sexual desires” (p.30). These two foundational truths, creation and the fall, are central to our understanding of humanity and human sexuality. Yuan then explores the need we all have for redemption in Christ. We all need to be born again. “Sin is the great problem; Jesus is the great solution” (p. 38).

What this means is, we all need Jesus. “It doesn’t matter whether you think you were born an alcoholic; you must be born again. It doesn’t matter whether you think you were born a liar; you must be born again. It doesn’t matter whether you think you were born a porn addict; you must be born again. It doesn’t matter whether you think you were born with any other sexual sin struggle; you must be born again” (p.41). Once we are born again, we are new creations. Christ transforms us from the inside out. We spend the rest of our lives putting sin to death and living out the reality of our new life in Christ, all the while looking forward to the day when we’ll shed our sin once and for all.

Using this framework, Yuan then develops the concept of holy sexuality. God’s vision for sexuality consists of two paths: chastity in singleness and faithfulness in marriage. This means sexual purity for those who are unmarried and faithfulness to one’s spouse for those who are married. Yuan argues that in Christian circles we often hold up marriage as the ultimate goal. Rather, Yuan points to Scripture to teach us that the Bible affirms singleness. In fact, the Bible teaches that both singleness and marriage are equally good and advantageous. He reminds us that we will all be single in eternity. Yuan urges the church to welcome, value, and love singles as brothers and sisters in Christ.

While the bulk of the book helps us to think Biblically about sexuality, the latter part of the book provides practical application, specifically for our interactions with others. One chapter provides helpful tips on what to say and what not say to atheist gay friends. Yuan points out words, phrases, and concepts that do not help the conversation, and actually hinder it. When talking about sexuality with a Christian friend or loved one who shares about an attraction with someone of the same sex, Yuan offers helpful suggestions on how to respond, how to be a friend, and how to walk alongside them. The book ends with a chapter on discipleship. “If sex, desire, and relationships are shaped by God’s grand story and God’s grand story is shaped by Christ, then this means that sex, desire, and relationships—our whole sexuality—must be shaped by Christ as well. All my sexual behaviors, erotic desires, romantic feelings, sentimental relationships, and even all my platonic friendships must be conformed to Jesus Christ and nothing else” (p.195).

Holy Sexuality is a book every Christian should read. Christopher Yuan is a helpful guide into a topic that is not talked about enough in the church. His writing is clear, concise, and thoroughly Biblical. It will challenge readers to set aside misconceptions and false teaching and instead dig deep into God’s word. It will equip readers to understand their own sexuality in light of God’s big story and how to help others understand that story as well.

Note: I received this book from the publisher in exchange for my review. The thoughts and opinions are my own.

Fruit Bearing Affliction

What is your favorite verse or passage when you are going through a difficult season? When you are in a trial or are afflicted with some kind of suffering, what biblical truths to you turn to? For many believers, Romans 8:28 is a favorite verse: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

In the midst of our heartache, we often cling to the truth that good will come from it. But what is that good we hope for? Sometimes, we think of the good in terms of the physical, earthly, here and now kind of good. As in: Maybe the job I lost will result in an even better job. Maybe this broken dream will pave the way to an even better dream. Maybe this relationship fell apart because there’s a better one waiting for me.

While there are times in our life when we look back on a trial and see how it paved the way to something better in the here and now, there are other good things that result from affliction. And they aren’t material or tangible. They aren’t things we can see with the naked eye. They are internal and spiritual. As such, they have eternal significance.

John Newton is well know for penning the much-loved hymn Amazing Grace, but he also wrote numerous letters during his lifetime. Many of these letters are still published today. His letters point to the grace of God in the life of the believer.

In one letter, he writes about the fruits of affliction in the believer’s life.[1] “Though afflictions in themselves are not joyous, but grievous, yet in due season they yield the peaceful fruits of righteousness. Various and blessed are the fruits they produce.” What are those fruits? Newton mentions a number of those fruits:

6 Fruits of Affliction

1. Prayer: “By affliction prayer is quickened, for our prayers are very apt to grow languid and formal in a time of ease.” How true is this! When we are in a season of suffering, we are more likely to turn to the Lord in prayer than we are in times when things are going well. In my own life, I find my prayer life deepens and flourishes during times of hardship, for the trial reminds me how dependent I am upon God’s grace.

2. Scripture: Newton says that afflictions help us understand the Scriptures, particularly God’s promises to us. Many of God’s promises in Scripture have to do with his help to us in times of trouble, and unless we are in a season of affliction, we will not know those promises firsthand. “We cannot so well know their fullness, sweetness, and certainty, as when we have been in the situation to which they are suited, have been enabled to trust and plead them, and found them fulfilled in our own case.” Trials show us more of who God is in his wisdom, power, and faithfulness.

3. Testimony: Our afflictions provide the opportunity to testify to others of God’s grace. When people see how God has brought us through a trial, God is glorified. Our lives then become living testimonies of God’s mercy and grace and give us an opportunity to share the reason for our hope.

4. Strength: Newton says that some graces are only revealed through affliction, such as resignation, patience, meekness, and long-suffering. Just as the practice of lifting weights develops our muscles, so too does affliction develop characteristics in us that can’t grow apart from the work of affliction in our lives. “Activity and strength of grace is not ordinarily acquired by those who sit still and live at ease, but by those who frequently meet with something which requires a full exertion of what power the Lord has given them.”

5. Compassion: Newton also says that affliction helps us have compassion for others who suffer. While we can have sympathy for others in affliction without experiencing such suffering ourselves, it is not as strong as when we have experienced it ourselves. Likewise, suffering helps us know more of the sufferings of Christ.

6. Humility: Lastly, Newton says that trials and suffering help us see the true content of our hearts. Affliction awakens sins in our hearts we didn’t realize were there. “This discovery is indeed very distressing; yet till it is made, we are prone to think ourselves much less vile than we really are, and cannot so heartily abhor ourselves and repent in dust and ashes.” Seeing the truth about ourselves produces the fruit of humility.

Romans 8:28 promises good to come through our trials and afflictions. Though the trials are not good in and of themselves—far from it!—God uses them for our ultimate good. Newton’s letter points to some of those good things as the fruit of affliction’s work in our lives. Have you seen any of this fruit in your own life?

[1] Newton, John. Select Letters of John Newton (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth Trust, 2011), pp. 218-221.

No Such Thing as Little Sin

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I was preparing dinner one night and heard the kitchen faucet dripping. I fiddled with the handle and it stopped. It did it again the next day and I did the same thing.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Over the next few days, the faucet’s drip continued to increase. It took more and more “fiddling” with the handle before it finally stopped.

And then one morning my son heard the sound of dripping, not in the kitchen, but in the basement. He found the ceiling tiles saturated with water and a stream of water running down the walls onto the carpet below.

That little drip became a big shower which rained down and caused a huge problem.

Isn’t that a lot like sin?

We often see what we think are little sins in our life and brush them off. Overlook them. Manage them. Pretend they aren’t there. But there’s no such thing as a little sin and soon what seems like a little thing becomes a big thing in our hearts.

A little problem with binge watching a show every night might reveal a big problem with the idol of comfort.

A little sarcastic remark might hide a deeper problem of bitterness or envy or pride.

A little overspending might hide a deeper problem with materialism.

A little overworking may reflect a deeply rooted idol of success or approval.

A little comparison grows into envy and discontentment.

A little gossip grows into discord and disunity.

A little frustration grows into anger.

You get the picture.

In the eyes of God, there is no such thing as little sin. First of all, sin is sin. God is holy and righteous and nothing that is not holy and righteous can stand before him. One sin is enough to keep us from him. And when you consider the fact that we sin more than just once, but countless times a day, our problem with sin is no little thing at all. As R.C. Sproul wrote in The Holiness of God, “Sin is cosmic treason. Sin is treason against a perfectly pure Sovereign. It is an act of supreme ingratitude toward the One to whom we owe everything, to the One who has given us life itself….The slightest sin is an act of defiance against cosmic authority… It is an insult to His holiness.” (pp. 115,116)

Secondly, sin never stays little. Like a weed, it grows. It spreads and multiplies. “Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?“ (1 Corinthians 5:6). It produces offspring of other sins. Like an invasive vine, it twists itself around our heart, choking out our life. And like a vine covered forest, it blocks us from the light of life. Sin left unattended or ignored destroys everything in its path.

Thankfully, we were home that day when it started raining in the basement. Had we not been, the damage would have been worse. Leaks in a house are serious, even small ones. Likewise, in our lives, there is no such thing as a small sin. As the Puritan preacher John Owen warned, “be killing sin or it will be killing you.”

The Apostle Paul referred to killing sin as “putting off” sin. He instructed the Colossian church, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God” (3:1-3). Through faith in Christ we are justified. We are united to him in his perfect life, death, and resurrection. This means we died with Christ to our old life and have risen to new life in him. We are new creations. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Therefore, we are to put off the old self; we are to put to death our sin. Paul then lists some of those sins we need to “put off” or put to death (Colossians 3:5-9).

Elsewhere, Paul tells us how to put sin to death: through the Spirit (Romans 8:13). It is the Spirit who brings our dead hearts to life, giving us a heart of flesh. He works in us to put sin to death and to produce in us the fruit of righteousness. He convicts us of our sin, draws us to repentance, trains us in obedience, and teaches us to depend upon God’s grace. His weapon of choice in slaying our sin is the word of God. It is alive and active as it discerns the thoughts and intentions of our hearts (Hebrews 4:12). As we read and study the word, it sanctifies us (John 17:17). As John Owen wrote, “The Holy Spirit is our only sufficiency for the work of mortification. He is the only great power behind it and he works in us as he pleases…Those who seek to keep down sin without the aid of the Spirit, labor in vain.”

Perhaps if I had realized the significance of the little drip at my sink, I wouldn’t now have damage in my basement. How much more true is that of sin! There is no such thing as a little sin. We can’t overlook it or underestimate its destructive power in our lives. By God’s grace, we are not left to fight it on our own. May we seek the Spirit’s help to recognize sin in our life and put it to death.

Idols of the Heart: 12 Questions to Ask Yourself

When my kids were young, I had them do a craft project to teach them the concept of idolatry. I talked to them about how we try to fill our hearts with things we think will make us happy. As part of the craft, I had them lay down on a huge sheet of paper and I drew an outline of their body. I then drew a circle shape on the chest of the body. I gave them a pile of magazines and told them to find words and images of things people might love more than God. They were to cut out the images and glue them on the space on the paper. It was interesting what my kids instinctively recognized as idols. They found images of dollar bills, food, television, phones, and toys and glued them on the paper. I then had them decorate their ‘person’ however they wanted. They added hair, a face, and clothes. One of them drew on a hat.

But the thing that stood out to me most was the frown they added to the face, symbolizing that idols do not bring happiness.

My book, Idols of a Mother’s Heart, explores idolatry in our lives, particularly as it relates to motherhood. While we might all mentally assent to the fact that we worship idols in our lives, we don’t always know what those idols are. Sometimes, it’s easier to identify idols other people may worship than it is to identify our own. How do we know what idols we worship? How can we identify and name them?

In my book, I provide twelve questions we can ask ourselves. These questions give us the opportunity to explore our hearts and see what those things are we might turn to for life, hope, and meaning outside of Christ.

Twelve Questions to Help Identify Idols in the Heart

1. What do you spend your time on? The things we value and cherish most are what we dedicate our time to.

2. What do you spend your money on? What we invest our money in is often an indicator of what we love most.

3. What are your strongest emotions? (Such as fear or anger) We often respond with strong emotions when our idols are threatened or we can’t access our idols.

4. What controls you? Our idols often define and rule our days.

5. What do you fear losing? What we think we can’t live without is often an idol.

6. What do you trust in to make your life better? Idols often become our refuge, what we turn to for help and hope.

7. What are your ‘if-only’s? Fill in the blank: “If only _____ happened, then my life would be better.”

8. What sin or sins do you constantly battle? Whatever we worship, whatever we love more than God, we will sin to obtain it.

9. What areas of your life seem out of control? Often the places we attempt to control reveal idols.

10. What barriers do you face in your life, keeping you from what you want? God often puts up barriers to keep us from our idols, to bring us back to himself.

11. What do you expect out of life, from yourself, others, and God? Our should’s and ought-to’s often reveal idols in our heart.

12. What do you feel self-pity about? We often feel sorry for ourselves when we can’t get what we want, revealing idols in our heart.

Take time to consider your responses to these questions. Pray through them and ask the Spirit to open your eyes to see what you may love and worship apart from God. Talk about it with a trusted friend or mentor and pray together for the Lord’s work in your heart, to evict those idols and replace them with love for your Savior.

A Prayer for the New Year

I love new things. Who doesn’t? A new book, a new job, a new experience. Even the smell of a new car. I love new possibilities and new opportunities. I love considering all that the “new” holds.

But to be honest, I often have mixed feelings about new things. What if that new book isn’t that great and I regret buying it? What if the new job is worse than the last? What if the new experience falls flat?

And what if the new year I’ve looked forward to is harder than the previous year?

When I consider this new year—365 empty days waiting and ready to be filled with growth, opportunity, and adventure—I feel a mixture of excitement and anticipation, as well as some worry and apprehension. I look forward to what God will do in my life, the things I will learn, the ways he will stretch me and use me. I look forward to opportunities to be with family and friends and perhaps even make new friends. At the same time, I wonder about the hardships ahead. There are difficulties I face now that will likely intensify next year. There may even be unexpected difficulties ahead as well.

While I don’t know what 2019 holds, I do know the One who holds it.

A Prayer for the New Year

Father in Heaven,

I come before you today feeling a mixture of anticipation and worry. It’s exciting to turn the calendar page to a fresh new year. It’s exciting to consider all that the year holds. I look forward to new opportunities and growth. But at the same time, I wonder what heartaches and challenges lie ahead. And those heartaches I’ve faced this year, I wonder if they’ll continue into the next. I worry I won’t have the strength to endure unexpected change or trials. I guess I’m really not unlike the Israelite’s when they faced an uncertain future away from slavery and thought returning back to Egypt was a safer bet.

Forgive me for my worries and fears about this new year. Forgive me for doubting your goodness and faithfulness. Forgive me for forgetting your constant grace to me and fearing it won’t be there when I need it in the future. Forgive me for forgetting who you are.

While this new year may be filled with transition and change, you are the same yesterday, today, and forever. You never change and your promises remain true through every age.

While I don’t know what this new year holds, you are the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. You know the end from the beginning and every moment of this year to come. You know what 2019 holds and just what I need to journey through it.

While I may worry about unknown challenges, and fear I am not ready to face them, you are a good and faithful Father. You only do what is good. Whatever the year holds, it comes from your goodness and will be for my ultimate good.

While circumstances in my life may feel out of control this year, you reign supreme on your throne. You rule over all things. Nothing can happen outside your will and plan. You will never be surprised by anything that happens in 2019.

Help me to rest in who you are this year. Help me to dwell on your goodness and faithfulness. Help me to rely on your sovereign power, knowledge, and rule. Help me to remember that you’ve gone to great lengths to meet my deepest need by sending your Son as a sacrifice for me—how could I think you wouldn’t meet any of my lesser needs? Help me to look at 2019 with hope and trust, knowing that whatever it holds, it is a gift from your good hands.

This new year may be filled with new adventure, change, and opportunity. It may also have some challenges and trials. But every new year is a reminder that you are making all things new. This new year will push forward your Kingdom here on earth and your ultimate return. That is something “new” I long for with great hope and expectation.

I pray all this in Jesus’ name, amen.

The Idol of Parenting Success

We live in an age of overachievement. It affects adults and children alike. Alarming research shows that anxiety and depression in kids is at an all-time high. Teens report levels of stress higher than adults.

As a culture, we push our children not just to do their best, but to be better than the best, to stand out above their peers. Children spend their days pursuing excellence in sports, academics, and myriad other activities—all with the expectation of getting into the best college, followed by the best job, and then, ultimately, a happy life.

As a culture, we are worshiping the idol of parenting success. This idol tells us we must be perfect parents and place our hope in creating perfect children. Like many idols, though, the idol of parenting success can be difficult to identify because it’s an idol crafted around something good.

Good Thing

Being a parent is an important job and one we should care about doing well.

We should strive to care for our children’s needs, to teach them, to discipline them, and to prepare them for life. We should want our children to do their best in school, to grow and thrive, to develop into people who can care for themselves. As Christian parents, we should seek to teach and disciple our kids in the faith so they would know and love the One who created them. These are all good things.

It’s also true that parenting well doesn’t happen accidently; it takes intentionality and purpose. We have to learn what our children need and how to care for them. We must pursue wisdom in our parenting decisions. We may even need to utilize particular techniques or strategies.

But how do we know if our desire to be good parents has morphed into an idol that has gripped our heart? And where should we turn for hope instead?…To read the rest, visit The Gospel Coalition.